My home girl asked me to be her bridesmaid!!!! Yeah I'm soooooooo excited!! I am a romantic (not hopeless romantic though cos Naija kicked that one out of my system) and I was there at the beginning five flipping years ago when it all budded like a flower in springtime (wow I'm on a roll this morning).

Also I now have the absolute kick starter for me losing my stomach cos the other two bridesmaids are slim and all that so IT'S ON BABY!!! Also her getting married makes feel a whole lot better about something not so wise I did which I will explain later.

Finally got introduced to ex-hottie's current lady friend. I had been so eeeekkkk about it before but it had never come to pass, so that by the time yesterday rolled by, I had no more drum rolls in me so it was totally normal. Of course I was nice and well mannered and the lady seems very nice so there is no need to be all evil eye about the whole thing LOL.

I would rather have spent as much time as possible in the kitchen with Phat Lady (ex-hottie's sister and my home girl of 9 years) but she was all "go eat in the sitting room, leave me in the kitchen", so with heavy heart I had to join the couple and watch tv and make small talk. That wasn't really so bad, what was appetite reducing was remembering that the couch where they were sitting on had also played host to me and his royal nibs during heavy make out sessions!!! Very weird......

It does leave room for thought, can I get back to the time when we all hung out as friends ?? It would make things so much easier in my head. Maybe have some kind of mind erasure machine to delete certain scenes from doing playback when you least need them. I still stand by my declaration that I'm over him but please I'm not made of stone LOL .

OK, BACK TO THE APPLICATION FORMS!

I keep wearing my knickers inside out, no seriously I'm being very honest here. Something is wrong with my mental state and maybe this is a silent plea for help! It was fine if it were just the thongs cos I have some sheer ones and one side can look like the other if you are in a rush but shock horror, it also happened with my normal high legs!!!!!

My Mum once said that if you were your clothing inside out unintentionally it meant that you were going to get money. Well if that was the case, it would be raining money like a Lil Wayne video! I think I need to start some kind of deep breathing and deep meditation so I am more in control and more focused, maybe then I will start wearing my knickers the right way around.

PS Found this advert online about patches you put on your body to reduce your cravings for food. There was a free trial pack, so trust me now, I sent for it. It's a week supply and I am currently on day 2. Will document if it works for me on not after the week is over. So far it just smells like a mini pharmacy stuck on your body :)

I hate application forms, it's bloody snowing in England a lot, my Mum keeps NAGGING me to the point of desperation and I missed the first episode of season two's Brothers and Sisters. Oh sigh!

What gets me the most is the application forms ! They are like a totally necessary evil!! Heaven has smiled on you if you find one that is less than six pages long!! You can't apply for work without them apart from if you are really lucky and get those vacancies where they just ask you send in your CV (oh joy, oh bliss).

That doesn't happen though, where would the fun be if it did? How could get they get their daily jollies if not for reading the answers us poor saps have written to stupid questions like 'how has your hobbies formed your personality?' and my personal favourite; 'why did you apply or this position?'..... ANS 'I applied for this position because I'm not a size 0 with huge fake boobs, therefore I cannot get through life as a footballer's wife. Because of said defect I now find that I have to actually work for a living earning some kind of wage that will keep me in lip gloss, shoes, fake hair and of course food and shelter!!!!!

After my much needed therapeutic ranting, I came across some baby pictures and thought awwwwww, look at me when life was simple and my biggest problem was nappy rash. So I cranked up my brand new spanking scanner and decided these pictures were the much needed antidote to my previous bad mood!
PS I will explain about my hissy fit later!

I don't care anymore, I don't care, I don't care!!!!! I'm such a wossy sappy idiot sometimes , I really am!!!!

No more, no more , no more, caring, feeling, sharing, missing people who obviously don't miss you or anything!!!!! STUPID GIRL!!!!!


AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH

I have had better phone conversations with a bit of mature cheddar!!!! And sending me a text afterwards to say thanks for calling, doesn't win any stupid brownie points!!! Instead all it does is make you sound like the Customer Care Department of some faceless multi national!!!!!!!!

Spending money I don't have to buy a phone card and call people, well I shouldn't have bothered!!!!! I have better people i could have called back home but shame on me , I called you instead!!!!!


No more, no more , no more, it just brings so much headache!!!!!! It is sooooooooooooo much better to not be bothered, not like anyone and at least be in possession of your sanity!!!!!

Well this is the sign I needed, it ends right here!!!!!


THE ICE QUEEN COMETH~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today was definitely the breaking point. After spending the past few days in my blue nightgown, hairnet and British Airways airline socks, something had to give. I don't know why but I have been moping around the house feeling listless and a bit aimless.

The weather has totally alarmed me, from hot tropical sunshine to snow, hailstones, freezing temperatures and rain. I would rather stay at home than venture out into the cold unless it was totally necessary like life and death (for example I needed rubber gloves to do the washing up as I had done my nails).

Being home bound doesn't mean that I haven't been busy oh no! Fixing up the home computer was interesting to say the least, unpacking is still defying me even though I have been back a week and there is always the old faithful...house work. Yep my Mum leaves instructions of what she wants cooked on her way to work and I have it ready by the time she gets back.

Another thing that happily kept me home is getting dressed! Dear Lord!!! It is so difficult to figure out how to clothe myself, it's like my brain has been handling dressing me in Nigeria but is not yet ready to get with the British game plan of socks, tights and layers.

The result of all of this was being home way to much and not attacking my tasks with gusto, not even with a little bit of va va voom. Well today was a low point, especially as you find the highlight of your day was watching High School Musical, 1 and 2 back to back!

So tomorrow I take action, I will put up on this blog my to do list of 2008 to make sure I don't lose sight of my goal. Also tomorrow I will go to ex-hottie's house and get the Microsoft Office CD and I will go out in Central London and meet some of my MA friends who are leaving the country. I will be active and I will be social and find jumpers to wear even if it kills me! I didn't fight everyone I know in Naija only to come back and mope, NO SIR!

I really don't care if this sounds really sad, but I'm soooooooo happy that I'm finally connected to the Internet. There has been a lot of starts and stops and sometimes I found myself sounding like a right dumb blonde. I had asked ex-hottie to help me set up my Broadband, but he had looked put upon (my English fails me) and had suggested I have a go first before disturbing him ( my interpretation not his actual words) so I thought I won't ask again even if my system blows up into 5 gazillion pieces!!!!

Easter was a mix of emotions, I saw my family which was nice and I'll see the rest next weekend, everyone said I looked fab and I must be losing weight when I know for a fact that that stupid needle has not moved one inch in ages. I was missing people in Nigeria but I just got on with things.

It was a friend's birthday on Easter Monday and I tried to make a bit of a fuss because I knew she was packing for a big trip back to Nigeria and was a bit stressed with uni stuff. There was food, booze and chocolate cake. At some point in the afternoon she goes upstairs to embark on this big closure conversation with her flipping ex for two hours and leaves the rest of us downstairs!!! Oh really!!!! I was not amused :(

I just need to get the Microsoft office package and my computer will be totally ready to go!

PS I'm so proud of myself, did not have instant headache when talking about ex-hottie and current girlfriend, I also paid her a compliment when I saw a picture of them, big pat on the back for me !!!

More confessions later, I'm not yet done baring my soul....

So hang on a bit, I know that my blog of late has been full of starts and stops and that there is a whole lot of information that I still haven't haven't talked about but I will start writing a whole lot more often.

I was thinking though, if I'm no longer in Nigeria, then is my blog still valid? Am I still lost? Do I need my blog to help me cope hmmm? Do I need to change the name of blog or something? Can I even do it?? These are all serious questions, and any help or opinions are happily welcome :)

I'll tell you what though, I may be in another country but I've still got issues so that never changes, but I'm not lostish, more determined if anything else! Let's watch this place!

Well it has been awhile, a looonnng while. I have been away for a while, first I was in the VILLAGE , seeing my family and now I'm in freaking London!!! Yes I travelled two days ago and wowee I can't believe it. The thing is it was so much drama saying goodbye and explaining why I was leaving that I didn't even think I would make it, so I'm still absorbing being here. The one thing I do know for sure is that

I MISS PHOENIX!!!!!!

For a year, I've been totally used to living with her and already the difference is way noticeable. Don't get me wrong, sometimes I want to stuff in a dustbin and beat her up but the truth be known I do miss my home girl! So here are a few coping strategies that I have thought up to get me through the initial weeks.....

1. Hang an overflowing handbag full of earphone wires, ipod cables and zen usb cables, huge sunglasses case, and three tubes of lipgloss to make me think she's around.
2. Have hardcore hip hop playing in the background of my room, so that I can complain and ask for the ABBA compilation.
3. Have her famous sayings stuck on the wall in different areas of my room; this includes, "who gives a shit?", "these things do happen", "mchew" and "Audemer Piguet!".
4. Play late night radio in the middle of the night to remind me of all the times her late night romance calls would keep me up and worm their way into my dreams........

I know I'll see her soon but for the record, she was the best landlady anyone could ever hope for. LOVE YA BABY!!