Ermmmmmm my blog is meant to be a coping mechanism for my life. But my life is now running at a speed that seems to not allow me have time for my blog! Well that's just ridiculous! I refuse to stop writing. Where else will I mutter and rant about all the bizarre things that happen in the never ending drama called life?

So I'm in my office and I'm in early. I could start on one of the never ending news stories I have to write, or start my award submission or call our student ambassadors for help in our events, but no. I'm going to write instead and damn everything else for the next ten minutes.

Well where to start?

Well I don't like my job that much anymore. It breaks my heart to say this but it's true. I also not loving having my pay frozen for the next two years. I can't help run my house on this income so I will have to start looking for a new job around summer.

Oooooooh I'm going to Miami!!! I'm going to Miami !!!!!!!! I'm going to Miami!!!! This will be first non-family related trip to America and I can't wait. It will also be a perfect opportunity to work through my 30b430 list. I haven't forgotten it you know! In fact I shall be crashing a party this weekend if everything goes to plan (that is number 14).

My Dad is back in London for a barrage of more tests and Mum in still in Nigeria for another two weeks, which means me in the kitchen (more so that usual) scratching my head for meal ideas to keep my Dad happy till my Mum gets back (long tings!!!!).

Britain is still full of doom and gloom and everyone hates David Cameron and thinks Nick Clegg is the greatest betrayer since Judas Iscariot.

My work load has tripled and I'm working longer hours which makes not want to exercise anymore. The result is a bigger Caramel and it's not funny at allllllll. My gym membership is going by the wayside so I'm going to cancel it and go to local community classes in kickboxing and Zumba.

Here's a little thing I heard yesterday and want to share: "Fear knocked at the door, faith answered and no one was there."

OK time is up! Back to the salt mines. Shout out to all my favourite bloggers whose blogs I miss reading :(

So.......on the whole, for me, even with some rays of light, 2010 was shit.

From January 3rd when a classmate died to a few days ago when my 16 year old relative passed on too, I felt that the year just wouldn't let up. I also got quite resentful with all that I catalogued in my head as never ending drama, seven deaths, house wahala, Mum's operation, my tussle with pneumonia and fighting unemployment. When we got a cancer diagnosis for a loved one I thought that was the end of me.

I did try very hard but naaaa, it just wasn't gelling (especially over Christmas aarrgghhhh). The funny thing now though is that as we enter 2011, there is that little point of grudging determined optimism. If you don't have hope that things will be better then what kind of life do you hope to live?

So no matter what I have hope for 2011. No the rah rah cheerleader over hyped excitement I had at the beginning of last year, but a quiet focus that I have to get a few basic things right for me. Yes, I said me. Not anyone else. I keep helping people live their own lives I forget to sort mine out. Well that has to stop for now. (I still wish everyone peace and love shah but don't call me LOL).

I hope I'm making sense.

I give this year over to God, totally and completely.

There is a saying related to the bible story of the angels that visited Abraham and Sarah. I can't remember the exact words but it is something like care for all your visitors as you don't know which one might be an angel.

Well, as a Naija person I think that the saying was meant to pacify us because we always have people in our house. All the time! I know it's not just me. My friend used to call my house Heathrow Airport because of all the people that passed through it. Truly nasty ones included an uncle who would leave his facial hair over every damn surface in the bathroom every morning, the female relative who was so tight she wouldn't buy sanitary towels and would instead use our kitchen/toilet roll and the cousin who downloaded porn on my computer and infected my system with nasty viruses.

So you can imagine my unrivaled joy when I got visitors that I have been waiting for over a year for. Having Freaksho and Sirius in my house was a pure joy. I would come back from work all grumpy and moody and jump into the bed where Sirius would be on the iPad looking for which store she is going to obliterate next and Freaksho would be on my computer playing one of the gizzilion games he bought.

I was worried that with five adults in the house that we would step on each others toes. Ha! My Dad complained that he didn't see them enough and my Mum fussed over what to cook Freaksho! Can you imagine? I had to pick my mouth off the floor.

I haven't told them this but the best bit was watching a young couple in action. Seeing the mini spats that would quickly blow over, watching Sirius running around in her nightie and boots (??!!) because her husband was hungry and seeing them chill at the dining table, heads together, but hands on some gadget (Lord have mercy, wires everywhere) :)

From my point of view, it was nice to have my Lagos life in London. Of course I have put on extra weight thanks to holiday chopping! It's like I've had Christmas early. I am now also an iChild and the proud owner of an iPod Touch, which means I have music AND my books at my finger tips. I don't know which one excites me more.

I think the visit was well timed though, it brought fun back into my life. I've been so serious and grey for so long. I don't know where the smiling easy going girl has gone. I think adult life is suppressing her. So I have decided to conquer all the goals and wacky things I have always wanted to do but seem to put off. I am going to have a 30 things to do before I'm 30 list. As you can see I only have twenty so your help will be much appreciated in completing the list. I will write about each thing when I do it and hopefully we will have a full tick list by September next year.


List so far .............


1) Go to each part of the British Isles (1/3 done)

2) Get my driving licence

3) Take part in and extreme sport or activity (Planned)

4) Chat up a man that I fancy

5) Get a colonic irrigation

6) Lose the last 10kg

7) Go to the Mediterranean

8) Go camping

9) Get myself on national/London radio or TV.

10) Eat at a Michelin Starred restaurant

11) Go to a live sporting event or concert of a legend. (Planned)

12) Ride a camel

13) Run 5k for charity

14) Crash a party (Done !!!)

15) Go to the races

16) Stay in bed for 20 hours in one day without being sick.

17) Wear traditional to work.

18. Go to the Caribbean

19) Go on pilgramage or retreat

20) Go to a performance of Agatha Christie's 'Mousetrap'.

21) Bake a giant Jaffa Cake (suggested by GNG)

22) Plant a tree (suggested by LusciousRon)

I have seen my Dad go to bed perfectly fine and wake up the next morning with whip marks across his back. I have also seen his perfectly conditioned car try and steer itself and my Dad into a ditch. I have watched as frustrated men who unfortunately share his blood, walk up to him and ask him in baffled tones, "Why won't you die? What type of medicine do you use to protect yourself from us?"

Because of this experience, you will never hear me dismiss similar stories out of hand. What I do believe is that my faith in the One True Power eliminates any fear I would have in such things.

What I will not stand for is the way that some Nigerians will blame every single misfortune on a spiritual attack. Even something basically not going the way you planned, is the work of your 'enemies'!! Na by force? Must only good things happen to you? Where do you think you are? The Garden of Eden?

No promotion = Spiritual attack
No children = Spiritual attack
No money = Spiritual attack

or

Not a big enough office = Spiritual attack
No male children = Spiritual attack
Not 'enough' money = Spiritual attack

Give me a break! Life is not a supermarket, where you browse and pick as you choose. First of all make sure that you are walking in the way of God and His plans for you. The arrogance of it really upsets me!

OK, why am I ranting?

I just heard that my Dad's half sister has been calling family members to tell them to pray for me and her 40ish year old sister as the reason we are not married is because of spiritual attack! See me see trouble? Honestly, I nearly hit the roof when I heard this!
How dare she?
Who is she?
I don't even talk to her that often! Who made you my spokesperson? So not being married at 29 is because of a spiritual attack? Someone tell me why I shouldn't call her right now and tell her where she can put her spiritual attack, foolish woman.

The irony of it is that my Grandfather's Palace is now home to so many of his daughters who got married to nutters and have now left said husbands and run home, including her own sister. Her own marriage was no shining example of love either, so why is it eating you?

Also from a purely vain angle, why am I in the same category as a woman in her late 40s?
In fact let me stop here because I could go on and on. Let me hold myself, African children don't cuss elders but I will let her know in no uncertain terms that she is not allowed to mention my name again in any phone call.

OK I know I'm being stupid, but you don't understand how my Dad's family works. It's like having a homemade network. Their are businesses that don't have as many people working there as I have family members. Gossip is the petrol that runs that engine and I'm not about to be part of it!

Well I have to go now and slit my wrists because I'm not yet married. FOOLISH AND INGREDIENTS! MSSCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWW!

My Mum has an operation later today on her knee and I can't be at the hospital with her because I will be at work trying like crazy to come up with ideas and prepare paperwork that will enable our managers to fight for the existence of our jobs and the department.

.......Also known as things Caramel did to pass the time while under quarantine.

Today is a good day. I'm a little out of sorts but I believe it will be a good day. Why? Because I'm thinking of wearing a bra. On my own steam without harassment, I'm thinking of wearing of wearing a bra. Yup, definitely a good day.

How is everyone doing? I miss you all like I miss white bread and saturated fats. I haven't been writing on my beautiful blog. My apologies! I promise fresh gist will be coming soon but till then a little laughter for the weekend xx

PS My birthday is next week and I came across this site that tells you what song was number one the day you were born. Mine is Tainted Love (hmphhh), why couldn't I have The Bangles or Madonna or something? :) Check it out and tell me what was yours. xxxx http://www.everyhit.com/dates


A married couple in their early 60's were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant. Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table. She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.'

The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband.' The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen MaryII appeared in her hands.

The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again.. I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.'

The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish. So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!..the husband became 92 yearsold.

The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful bastards should remember.....fairies are female.