For added laughter, check out another favourite, it will change the way you listen to pop music.

I have seen my Dad go to bed perfectly fine and wake up the next morning with whip marks across his back. I have also seen his perfectly conditioned car try and steer itself and my Dad into a ditch. I have watched as frustrated men who unfortunately share his blood, walk up to him and ask him in baffled tones, "Why won't you die? What type of medicine do you use to protect yourself from us?"

Because of this experience, you will never hear me dismiss similar stories out of hand. What I do believe is that my faith in the One True Power eliminates any fear I would have in such things.

What I will not stand for is the way that some Nigerians will blame every single misfortune on a spiritual attack. Even something basically not going the way you planned, is the work of your 'enemies'!! Na by force? Must only good things happen to you? Where do you think you are? The Garden of Eden?

No promotion = Spiritual attack
No children = Spiritual attack
No money = Spiritual attack


Not a big enough office = Spiritual attack
No male children = Spiritual attack
Not 'enough' money = Spiritual attack

Give me a break! Life is not a supermarket, where you browse and pick as you choose. First of all make sure that you are walking in the way of God and His plans for you. The arrogance of it really upsets me!

OK, why am I ranting?

I just heard that my Dad's half sister has been calling family members to tell them to pray for me and her 40ish year old sister as the reason we are not married is because of spiritual attack! See me see trouble? Honestly, I nearly hit the roof when I heard this!
How dare she?
Who is she?
I don't even talk to her that often! Who made you my spokesperson? So not being married at 29 is because of a spiritual attack? Someone tell me why I shouldn't call her right now and tell her where she can put her spiritual attack, foolish woman.

The irony of it is that my Grandfather's Palace is now home to so many of his daughters who got married to nutters and have now left said husbands and run home, including her own sister. Her own marriage was no shining example of love either, so why is it eating you?

Also from a purely vain angle, why am I in the same category as a woman in her late 40s?
In fact let me stop here because I could go on and on. Let me hold myself, African children don't cuss elders but I will let her know in no uncertain terms that she is not allowed to mention my name again in any phone call.

OK I know I'm being stupid, but you don't understand how my Dad's family works. It's like having a homemade network. Their are businesses that don't have as many people working there as I have family members. Gossip is the petrol that runs that engine and I'm not about to be part of it!

Well I have to go now and slit my wrists because I'm not yet married. FOOLISH AND INGREDIENTS! MSSCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWW!