Hold fire on the champagne ladies, the second house has fallen through. They were trying to play a sharp move on my Maternal Unit and she has called their bluff. Basically we were going to rent from them till the legal stuff was complete and we officially 'bought' it. Then at the 11th hour when we called to ask for the keys to come and clean the house they said, "we won't give you the house till you complete".

Well my Mum said they could piss off, she's not buying again. So we are still moving out this Friday but to a storage facility and I will be gloriously homeless.

You have to love life.

In other breaking news, after five blood tests and an ultrasound, the doctors had nothing new to tell me. No explanation to my harsher symptoms. If anything, the cysts have reduced! But no monthly dooda. That pissed me off more than the house. I wanted answers to my freaky womb issues. I was so wound up, I came and slept. The thinking had tired me out.

I woke after 40 minutes (power nap) prayed, had a cup of tea and watched Phineas & Ferb and felt better. God dey (as always).

My friend (of the 4month courtship) is in town to buy some wedding stuff. Please bloggers help me and thank God. The bridesmaid dress she wanted us to wear was not in stock or something. Phewwwwww. It has that skirt that is pinched in places and looks like a duvet (Americans read: comforter) or some kind of bedding, you bring out when you have house guests. Nooo way! I used sharp sense and said I would help her look and found a classic elegant design which hopefully should be in stock.

In my Narnia bedroom (see former post) I found my First Holy Communion pictures. My Maternal Unit had put my hair in one bunch and decided to put one hair roller one each side of my head so I could have curls or ringlets (watching too many white kids on tv gave her ideas). She didn't figure that my side hair wasn't long enough, therefore there wasn't enough hair to go around the roller. The end result was hair in half a bend upwards, looking like I had HORNS on the side of my head like a little imp in white!

If I have the guts, I'll put up the picture. Can I sue?
I'm not a slacker but I'm tired. I'm a strong Nigerian woman but my feet hurt. For a few minutes I'm going to allow myself to wish that I had a man into whose arms I could crawl and tell how my day was while he rubbed my feet and listened patiently while I ranted about estate agents, bastard solicitors, lost deliveries, weekend long work projects and the vanishing brown sellotape.
I would get my hug, my kisses and a slight admonishment not to call bastards solicitors as it would hurt their feelings. Then I would fall asleep in his arms having found my first moment of peace in the day. Oh well.

We got the house and we will be allowed to rent it while the paperwork is being completed.

I should be exicted but I can't be bothered.

Met a gunshot victim today. Had his left eye and half his skull destroyed by just one tiny motion. I told him that I had never been so close to a miracle before.

Blogging via Blackberry is hard.

I have found all sorts of crap in my room while packing out. It's so bizarre I wouldn't be surprised if I walked through my wardrobe and came out into Narnia.

Baby showers now have online gift lists! How disturbed am I?! I blame America.

I feel a bit better now. Good night and God bless x

Ps dear Myne Whitman, you are 10 times a better writer than the author of a book I tried to read today. It was so badly written, your story deserved whatever money was spent putting that rubbish to print!

Just yesterday I told my Mum that she was cracking up. Why? She left the electric blanket on in her bedroom overnight while she went to work and that is a serious fire hazard. She also left the key in the lock of our side door, also overnight! My guardian angel must have been working overtime (thank you guardian angel sorry for stressing you). So there I am begging my Maternal Unit to take it easy before I get murdered in my bed before my time.

Then what did I do?

I made a rookie mistake in a press release I wrote yesterday. I'm still kicking myself over that one. Then I came to work today with our house phone in my handbag. [sigh].

I guess my promise not to stress isn't holding that well. Well we can't rent our house anymore. SO we have to bounce by the 31st and the house we want to buy, the agent omitted to tell us that is it ex-council which means we wouldn't have offered the price we did for it. So we are looking again.........

Here is the joke my manager sent to cheer me up, enjoy.

The Funeral Procession

A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.

A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one.

Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash.

Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file.

The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the man walking the dog and said, 'I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this.
Whose funeral is it?'

'My wife's.

''What happened to her?'

The man replied , 'My dog attacked and killed her'

He inquired further, 'But who is in the second hearse?'

The man answered, 'My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her.'

A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two men.

'Can I borrow the dog?'

The man replied, 'Get in line.'
Church today was like an arrow through my chest, I'm reeling. The Gospel reading was the one where a lovely young man comes to Jesus and asks what he has to do to gain eternal life. Jesus told him to follow the commandments and He listed them out for the young man. The man says he has followed all of them his whole life. Jesus looks at him and loved his earnestness and told him, OK last thing.....sell everything you own, give the money to the poor and come and follow me. The young man was crushed because he was quite rich and he walked away.

So Father Micheal (our Irish priest, always keeps it real), he said in his homily (preaching), why do we think that Jesus had issues with rich people? That it was the danger of letting your possessions possess you. That as humans we will always feel insecure and seek comfort and security from all sorts of areas and when we let them clog up our beings and we are bound in them.

I hope I'm making sense because I'm paraphrasing horribly.......

Anyway he then said, we shouldn't be feeling happy with ourselves just because we don't have a holiday home in the south of France or a six figure salary. That there are other sorts of things that can posses us just as badly as material possessions can. Attitudes and behavioural patterns that block our souls and restrict us from inner peace and communication with God. He stressed that we need to be honest and identify what they were so that we could be released and have inner calm and serenity, thereby being able to experience a bit of heaven while on earth.

That really got me. I have known for ages that I'm not at peace. Deep down where it really matters I know that I don't have the serenity I remember possessing once. Let me tell you, even if you aren't religious, there is something to be said for letting go of the crap that is blocking up your life.

For me it's not possessions. I don't have anything that is a prized possession, my room could go up in flames and apart from my baby pictures I wouldn't be fussed. No my biggest issue is attitude. I know I have been disturbed by what has been happening to my Dad. I am not a hateful person and yet I hate his siblings. They dared harm my parents and that's not on. Hating them is harming me.

My constant weight issues is also weighing me down (pun intended). Obsessing over my body has definitely possessed me and blocked me from reaching out to God. Of that I'm sure. While praying in Church these two things sprung to mind and I know others will crop up when I think about it. I have this thing where I think I am not where I am meant to be. I worry that I'm wasting my life somehow. The kicker is if you ask me what I'm meant to be doing, I don't know!! So I go over and over all these things and they are my possessions. Strapped to the back of my consciousness, never letting me focus on what's important like my communication with God.

Funnliy enough while thinking, I thought that Baked Beans would be an issue. I was so burnt when I came back from Christmas and the way he treated me, then the way he kept calling me and yet not being honest about why he was calling. I really thought he would be on my list, but somewhere along the way I got over it! Amazing. I'm not angry anymore! I nearly laughed out loud.

So with all this introspection, I ask God to help me. I want to release myself from past hurts and greviences and issues that I have let takeover my life. I want that inner peace, I want a glimpse of heaven on earth.
The last quarter of this year is going to be nuts so strap up and enjoy the ride because you all KNOW I will be here crying, laughing, bitching and generally asking opinions etc! Don't leave me in my hour(s) of need.....

Train Stop One
So our home of 19 years is officially sold. There was a bit of a panic when we realised where we have found wouldn't be ready in time (end of October). It looked like we would have to put everything in storage and then bunk in various houses like wandering nomads. See my Maternal unit in full blown panic mode. Hmm! Her biggest problem wasn't paying for storage (I said I would), it wasn't packing up 19 yrs of your life into boxes, it wasn't where we would stay. Nope her biggest problem was her freezer.

Or should I say her three freezers!

Mum: " Caramel I can't sleep! What will happen to all my food stuffs that I suffered and brought from Nigeria? My yam? My bitter leaf? My egusi? My ukpaka etc etc.."

Me: "Mum just share it out among all your friends freezers!!"

Mum "Ohhhhhhh I don't want to!"

Na wa oh! See beef! In the end though, the new owners of our house have agreed for us to rent it from them. Thank God oh! So now the great packing begins! I know it will be a mini battle. My Maternal Unit is a self confessed pack horse! We haven't even started and already we have had our first 'words'.

Me: "I will start on my room and the sitting room. We can chuck things we don't need like our Nollywood VHS."

Mum: Why do you want to throw them away?

Me : " No one uses them anymore, it's all VCDs and DVDs."

Mum: "Then we can give it to charity shops (second hand stores) down the road."

Me: " Mum I'll be hard pressed to imagine the Cancer Research Shop stocking Living in Bondage!!"

Oh dear..........

Train Stop Two
My friend of 16 years has me gobsmacked. While her first engagement was in the process of failing, she started seeing someone else. She told me her first engagement had broken up in July, then in September she told me she is getting married to the second guy in December. My head was spinning. I just felt that it was weird to be engaged to two separate men in under a year. If I met a guy in May and was marrying him in December, my family will think I am either pregnant or nuts .....especially as I have just left a previous relationship.

Anyway (Bumight you won't believe this) I am now on my way to Nigeria in November to be her bridesmaid. I didn't plan this (obviously) and I'm stuck between wanting to be there for my friend and wondering if I have a right to worry. To be honest this was last week. Right now, I am in live and let live mode.

Anyone who followed my near bankruptcy with my cousin's wedding will not be surprised to hear that at least I have learnt my lesson. When my friend said I will have to buy my bridesmaid dress, I politely told her that I am buying a last minute air ticket to Nigeria which I did not budget for so in no way am I paying for my bridesmaid dress!!! I am in the process of buying a house, who has cash for last minute romance? Not me mate!

Train Stop Three
I have started my hospital tests because of my PCOS and all the weird symptoms I have been having. I have had two consultations, blood tests and the last is my ultrasound this week. I am in and out of my hospital these last two weeks that I am on first name basis with the ladies at reception.

My tests keep taking me out of the office and I feel awkward. I know I have to go but I can't wait for them to be over and I don't have to keep working half days. My workload is piling up. OK who wants to hear a freaky story. Went for the blood test, and they had to take five vials. The blood wouldn't come out. We tried everything and still it was just dropping. I now jokingly put on my best Lord of the Rings voice and said "You may leave my body now", See the blood start gushing into the vials eh! Hey! Scary! If you see the look the nurse gave me, like "witch" LOL!!!