Late last year I lamented about problems my Dad was facing with the male members of his polygamous family.  When he got back to Nigeria their accusations came thick and fast, one of them being that he does 'juju' and is behind some of his half brother's failures (if you met these men you would doubt that). 

So one of the results of this is that a particular brother (I don't call them uncles, it's a disrespect to the true meaning of that word) took my Dad in Feb to the cathedral in Onitsha in front of a priest and they both swore not only on a Bible but on the Blessed Sacrament that if they have done juju against anyone in the family may they be struck down etc etc (I will have to confirm the exact wording later).

The guy died last week.

So now some brothers have all rolled into town to plan his funeral and said my Dad killed him. Haba, this one Daddy is busy oh.  He didn't want to go to the Cathedral but did it to calm all the rumours in the palace, now the stupid man is dead and it's still his fault. They can't have it both ways, either he is using juju or he isn't...... My poor Dad I feel so sorry for him. See what an accident of birth can do. I can't wait for the house to be finished so that we can be done with living in the palace with those sorry excuses for human beings.  

See an example, after a meeting was held, it was decided my Dad would turn over all the property still left in my Grandfather's name so that it will all be sold (instead of rented out) and the money shared out right. A committee was formed and now the idiots need certain papers of my Grandfather and don't have it because of the of the really vile ones a few years back vandalised my Grandfather's old office where all his papers have been kept untouched.

Then my Mum called me from home (she is still there) to say that my brother's nanny had been feeling unwell, went for a blood test and was confirmed to be HIV positive! So she went for a confirmation test in the teaching hospital and ran away from there. The looked for her and then she sent someone with her keys and mobile phone saying she was too ashamed to come home. My Mum was out of her mind because she wanted her and the nanny to go to Lagos for anti-viral drugs. So for one week no sign of her. I was praying so badly. She turned up on Saturday, thank God.  I heard anti-viral drugs are mad expensive, but I have my car savings so I will definately contribute. 

I had a headache with all the phonecalls from home this weekend. I also feel a little helpless. I'll get on my kness to pray and I don't even know where to start. I feel OK, then restless, then OK. I wish someone could put a hand on my head and heart and calm both.

In totally different embarrasing news, I got so exicted when Man Utd won the Champions League that I texted both my Dad and Baked Beans to share my glee without thinking. It was so automatic. The shame of it! It was such a natural inclination. Aaaarrrrrrrrrgggggghhhhhhh. I deleted his numbers to stop all this rubbish. My friends are still laughing. Hmph!

Please pray for my parents. Thank you.

So approximately how many frogs does a woman have to work through to average out a prince? Or in plain English, what is the ratio these days for weird/crappy/freaky dates : normal dates? There has to be some kind of scientific formula. There are so many whizz kids in Blogsville, someone must know?

I'm not a Hollywood/Disney devotee, I know real life. I'm not asking for an outing with Prince Charming (we are human after all) but darn! I do not need the kind of situation where you are thinking to yourself, "someone is going to jump out with a camera crew and yell 'SURPRISE' because this cannot be happening to me!"

As the song asks, who really did let all the dogs out??? This is why I stay home, but then my friends shout at me to go out!

I NEED A BISCUIT!!! (I'm not going to have one though).

It's that time of the week . Drumroll.....................

Freaky Bridesmaid Diet/ Week 6 = No Change

I need to increase my exercise serioulsy!(Not Roc's type of exercise LOL) I felt I hadn't lost so I'm not surprised. Drank a lot of alcohol on Saturday and that will hinder all progress. So onwards and upwards!

I am wearing jeans for the first time in six years and I look goooooooood! Next time I will take a picture of my bum and post it. That is how happy I am :)

Drama in my office this week oh! Two crying managers from different units with different issues. Na wa oh! Tensions are running high and Caramel is running to Birmingham. I need a break from London haba. Have a blessed weekend everybody.
Woooooooooooooo hooooooooooooooooooooo!
Conga Line!!!!

We totally kicked ass last night! Praise the Lord! Alleluia! Alleluia, Amen!

To recap, I work for a Marketing Dept in a Further Education college in London. So last night was our Oscars so to speak. We were up against other colleges and big big universities (whose marketing and PR budget is nearly 10 times our own).

So for the three entries we were nominated for we won awards in all three! Wooo hoooooooo! You have Gold, Silver and Bronze. So we won Gold in a tough category where we were the only college and 9 flipping universities! When they called our name our table went nuts! Could not believe it! So that was for Integrated Regional Campaign. We won Bronze for Print Media (very happy I had to write the nomination entry, 2500 of full blown English) and our boss won Silver for Marketeer of the Year.

That's how we carried one trophy and three plaques to work today (but we came in late shah, we left the venue at 12.30am). That validation feels soooooooooo good, especially as it is a UK wide competition. Sooooo PARTY OVER HERE!!!!!

Ironically we had the dinner and awards ceremony at the Royal Courts of Justice and I thought 'this is the closest my Dad is ever going to get me in court' LOL.

In other gist since I have joined Fatbusters I will change my weigh in day to coincide with their own so I weighed myself this morning and guess what...I had lost 1kg !!! Even though it's not yet a full week!

Freaky Bridesmaid Diet/Week 5 = 1 kg

I need more exercise, so went to get a new sports bra. Gosh it was so complex. They had grades for different strengths of bra. 1 - 5 Imagine! There was a chart at the back of each packet, the type of complicated chart that Danny B would love. Eg If you are 32C and want to do yoga then level 1, if you are 34B and want to horse riding (gini?) then level 3 etc etc! Na wa oh! I spent time in that store scratching my head for real. The worse part is that poor me 36F, everything apart from gentle stretching was Level 4, Level 4, Level 4! Foolish and ingredients!

So that is how one sports bra was £28! Lord have mercy! I didn't have a choice oh! Have to get one before you are doing kickboxing lessons and your chest nearly takes out your eye all in the name of losing weight!

Please pray for me oh, I have two places I need to be tomorrow one is in Luton, one is in London, no car, just trains and my leggedes benz. It's loooong man! Chai! This time next year I am driving , na aha Jesu Kristi, Amen!

Sirus tagged me a while ago, but I really have issues with deep introspection. In the past though I promised to be completely honest in my blog so this should be right up my street, no? Well anywhos yeah me!!! (That's me bragging by the way: see below).


1.You must brag about it

2.You must include the name of the blogger who bestowed the award on you and link back to the blogger

3.You must choose a minimum of seven (7) blogs that you find brilliant in content or design. Or improvise by including bloggers who have no idea who you are because you don’t have seven friends (lol).

4.Show the seven random victims’ names and links and leave a harassing comment informing them that they were prized with Honest Weblog. Well, there’s no prize, but they can keep the nifty icon.

5.List at least ten (10) honest things about yourself. Then pass it on!

For anyone who wants to know, here goes....

1. I always, always, always burst into spontaneous song and dance routines. I have a song for every occasion. I sing in my head and sometimes it blurts out. I also toe tap and do random dance routines to either cheer myself or other people up. I can't help it. I also do it in the office. I tried for a while but about my third month I cracked. It's now an office tradition that I do the happy birthday routine for anyone who's birthday it is in our team. I can mimic most styles, Bollywood, Hip Hop, cabaret, Naija styles, old musicals.....the list goes on. I love to dance, always , always, always!

2. I am still in possession of my V-Plates. I have to be psychologically comfortable with someone before I can be physically comfortable with them, so I have never understood the whole fling thing per say. So as I have never had a long term relationship, it never happened. There have been two men that if fate hadn't intervened I would have sooooooo gone there! No joke! When you click on both levels it's a beautiful thing. It doesn't come up in conversation because when you tell guys they roughly behave in three ways: like you are a challenge that needs to be conquered, a science experiment that needs studying or they just look at you in abject fascination. My favourite quote from one guy was, "but you are not a spiro, you go clubbing and dress sexy..."

3. A secret worry niggles at my brain and I have never told anyone. I wonder about the future, when God has called both my parents and I am my brother's guardian. Will he be happy? Will he want to find his birth parents (don't even know how to)? Will I be able to look after him properly? I trust in God's love but I do worry now and then.

4. My tight circle of friends are more family to me than my actual family. They are smart, kind, warm, loyal funny women and I am blessed to have them in my life.

5. I cannot stand people who snap their bubble gum while chewing. It's the most awful thing in the world in terms of decorum to me argggghhhhhhhhhh!

6. I am such a homebody. I need to be pried out of my house half the time. But when I go out I love it. Dressing up, going out and having fun, the music, the extra shiny lipgloss, the friends. Love it. (I love my wrapper too though haha).

7. Slowlyyyyyyyyyyy trying to love my body. I am trying to stop with the moaning and look after the 'vehicle of my soul' and maybe it will start looking after me back. So bitching is on a minimum. Instead I'm now looking at the parts I love. I love my boobs. They are fabulous, they can be always called upon to make a dress look hotter LOL. I love my skin too, it suffered during my childhood and now has bounced back. Erm maybe my eyes too. I shall always thank God for one special thing though. No matter how big or small I get, I always have a figure '8' correct. hahahaha. God is good!

8. Books are the life blood to my sanity. I love reading so much. As an only child growing up, they were my friends. One book meant hours of escape and adventure, and knowledge. I used to devour them. By 10/11 I was unto Mary Higgins Clark and Jeffrey Archer. My Year 4 teacher in primary school used to bring in books she was sure didn't have violence or sex because I had gone through the school's library and wanted more. Oh Miss Stimpson. I loved her! I wonder where she is now. She was so cool.

9. Spent most of my 27 years being responsible and dependable and now I hate it a bit. I get taken for granted sometimes and it sucks. I get signed up for stuff and no one bothers to ask because 'good ol' Caramel won't mind.' Hmm. I love helping but you don't want to help people so much that you lose your own life in their business! No way! Same with friends. Don't want to be the Mummy figure. Trying to break that shit. No more ageing myself before my time.

10. This stuff is hard. OK last one. I love walking around in my underwear. It's liberating. Now that it's getting warmer in London, there is a lot more of that going on. Ohh even better dancing in my underwear, fabulous! Always puts me in a good mood.

So I think everyone has done this by now, right? I'm the last one I'm sure. So like the last meme I did I am going to tag people who will probably ignore me but it might happen ;)

Badderchic (where is she?)
Moka Blogger
Roc Naija
Nigerian Scorpio
Doug (my BFF is so off the radar that even NASA can't find him )


Freaky Bridesmaid Diet/Week 4 = No change
Thank God! Why? Because last few days I have been bitched slapped by my period so doing my best impression of a beached whale. So no shaking, was actually afraid that I would put on. Women suffer you know, chai.