Soooooooooooo where were we? HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY!

Forgive my erratic story telling. I'm on a low-carb diet and I'm sugar deprived!

Ehen back to my ramblings jare.

I was in my home town for about a week before I saw him. I used the excuse that I was going to see my cousin and his wife (Baked Bean's sister) and he came to pick me from my house. When he came out of his car i knew there was trouble. Yes I saw all his physical faults and catalogued them well but it didn't stop me fancying the pants off him.

It was great seeing my cousin's family but all the kids madness and amusements couldn't stop me feeling this boy's eyes on me. He also looked for my trouble the whole time I was there. Saying things to wind me up and setting his nephew upon me at every opportunity. By the time he dropped me off home that night I was ready to send assassins to kill him.

This post is not long enough to catalogue texts, conversations, looks but basically the heat between us was not in my imagination. At one point when we were 'on an errand' for my Aunt , I knew he wanted to kiss me but he held back and this point I'm not going to lie I wanted to jump him but life was making sure we never got 5 seconds alone.

A few days before I was due to go back to Lagos to fly back to London, I got to have a whole afternoon with him. I thought it would be like before, errands, arguments and sexual tension but it didn't pan out that way. To cut a long story short, I got the best 2 hours I have had in 2008 till date LOL!! We still actually refer to that afternoon like it happened in a dream or something (maybe it did).

What am I banging on about?

In my limited experience I've noticed that guys don't listen to what a girl wants, they just rush in with some kind of agenda for foreplay in their head or something. Not this time. I got what I wanted and boy oh boy did I get it well :) His hands were talented, his lips were magic and yours sincerely tried to reciprocate in kind. Sexual fantasy punctuated with laughter and conversation, who thought it could be possible?

He once said how can that one afternoon mean so much when we didn't go the whole 9 yards? You see that is my problem I am glad that we didn't because if we had I would be having a much harder time than I'm having now.

Do you know why I call him Baked Beans? Because what you see on the label is exactly what you get in the tin, no surprises no gimmicks. He has never promised anything, never said anything he didn't mean so therefore anybody with an ounce of sense would leave this situation as there is absolutely no hint of commitment.

Then what am I still doing?

OK So we do work in our office but my colleague (graphic designer) has been using Photoshop to convert my picture into pop art. He got it, apart from my skin tone (darker than normal) which he says is not in his data base LOL! I think his software hasn't mastered the black people's rainbow!
PS I do want to continue my Baked Beans story but I need to be in a zone to finish and I'm not there yet....

I'm just going to write this before I loose my nerve.

There are better ways to write this and I really should put in some back history but I'm wired and can't think straight. I need help. I need some unbiased advise from people who don't see me everyday ...... please be those people.

If you have perused my blog from scratch and had the free time to analyse you would have noticed that there were two guys I mentioned who affected my kolo sense while I was in Nigeria. We won't count ex-hottie because technically he was affecting my kolo senses from England. One was B (hmm) and the second guy didn't even get a name (LOL), but we can call him Party Boy (cos 9/10 times when you call him he was in a bar/club/joint).

Anyways, there really were three. I call them the Trilogy because when I got to Nigeria I had huge stupid crushes on two guys but it was a dead end street then all of a sudden three other guys in the last six months of my stay came out of nowhere.

The last guy is my cousin's brother-in-law. I have known him for ages but honestly did not even think of him in that way at all. He was just that person who you see around Christmas and at weddings and say what's up to etc.

Well when I was in my hometown for Christmas last year, I went to his house with my cousin and borrowed some novels from him. I unexpectedly had to run back to Lagos because my stupid MD was giving me a query for having a life. When I got his calls I rightly assumed that it was because I had skipped town with his brand new expensive best sellers.

After we settled that I would send them back, I was really puzzled as to why the phonecalls continued with conversations like:

  • How are you doing?

  • How was work?

  • What did you do today?

  • Etc

Why is this guy calling me like we are best of buds from back in the day? I honestly was puzzled. It took me an even longer while to realise that he was flirting with me! You should have seen my face. I wasn't having it! There were too many issues (that explanation needs a whole other blog), I didn't like him and as he was good friends with many male members of my family I knew that the women around them were like Moses and the Red Sea (a high wall on both sides).

But he was persistant, he made me laugh, he loved books with the same intensity I did, he didn't laugh at my problems and he was a dangerous flirt. I soon found myself crumbling. I smile when I remember the nights at home in Lagos with Phoenix in the background shouting "If you don't like him why are you blushing/leaving the room to take the call/smiling that secret smile/giggling? Yea yea girl!!"

Soooo I got hooked via phone, no night was complete without phone calls ot texts or both. He was lecturing in the east, I was banking in Lagos, it was all about the phone.

Until I finished NYSC and came to the east to see my family before I flew back to London. Then I didn't have the distance to protect me. I was going to see him face to face. Unlike the ever doubting Phoenix I was sure that I could hack it. In fact I would see him and realise that what we had on the phone could not translate to the physical. We would see each other and pick out faults and laugh at our stupidity. I would be safe, no problem.

It didn't work that way that all.

Devil is a liar!! Join me in thanksgiving!
* Contains strong language.

I have a fabulous job as a PR & Marketing Officer for a large College in central London. Now we just don't offer the normal A-Levels, Diploma type things in my College, we also do Adult courses (brings in good money). Right, I work in the 14-19 section but our Adult team was stretched thin so I volunteered to go with our student street team and put in some new booklets in letterboxes for a couple of hours; so far so good.

We have six campuses and I met my student partner in our centre in Euston. All around there are flats and estates and we got to one high rise flat and she said let's try here! I wasn't thrilled and told her. I'm very prejudiced to high rise flats as all sorts of crimes happen there, but this building was very secure. You need an electronic tag to get into the building and one to get into the lift so when a resident came by and let us in I had no real objections (my spirit doesn't agree doesn't really count).

We decided to ride the lift to the top floor and climb down stairs as we dropped the booklets door by door. In our lift a lady got off at the 7th floor, then a guy got off at the 15th floor. I pressed 18th and we went up. Then the lights flickered, died and the lift stopped!

I pressed and pressed no response. I pressed the door open button, no response. I kept pressing
the door open button because I thought we are at the floor and the door is jammed, no response. Haba! At this point, we both notice that the alarm button is missing at my student worker , let's call her Nikki, starts repeating; "Fuck- oh sorry. Fuck - oh sorry." I look at her and see her panic and told her to stop apologising for swearing and in my head I'm saying, "Fuuuuuuuuuuuucccccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkk, I stuck in a council lift with no alarm button."

By this time two minutes in real Jack Bauer time have passed and no one has heard us, plus our phones don't have any reception. I decided to try the 15th floor as that's the last time the doors opened. I pressed the button and the lift shudders, jerks and stops before we moved to the next floor, thereby we are now BETWEEN FLOORS!

Nikki is shaking and saying don't press the ground floor we will drop, don't press it! I understand her panic and I want to join her but as I'm staff and older I have to pretend to be calm. I think to myself no way, I just had a birthday, nothing is going to happen to me, I have so much to do (that's a whole other post) and Jesus no go allow!

I look at Nikki and jab the G button rapidly. See the shaking!!! The lift shook like it's dancing and just dropped! No smooth ride, no slow motion, nobody calling the lift on their floor(where is everyone?), just whossh!

When we got out, we fairly ran out of the lift and the building. All I kept saying was thank you Jesus! I looked at Nikki and said, next time we listen to my gut feelings!! She nodded and quietly asked if we could go back to the College before we set out again. I asked her why and she replied;

"I need the bathroom, when we went down I nearly wet my pants."
Last night I came back from the gym to have my Mum say to me, "Oh you must have known what your Dad was calling about. He said that do you realise that you have roughly two years to get married and that your time is running out and that you can't get married because you are fat."

They have started again!!! They have started!!

I have been on such a nice high since this month started and this is temptation to make me miserable again. I won't allow it! I just won't. I calmly informed my Mother that in all my years of my Law degree, I didn't read about a statute of limitations on when to get married. Then I went to my room to breathe. You know the funny thing. This is typical of my Dad, what I don't want is my Mum repeating such messages to me. They do not enrich my life in any way ! I got mad, them I listened to music and put on my Pride and Prejudice DVD (it was that or chocolate so really...)

This morning by sheer coincidence, it's quite spooky, my friend who knew nothing about this sent this to me by email. Take comfort from it(if it applies), I like it!


By TD Jakes

Just because no one has been fortunate enough to
realize what a gold mine you are,
Doesn't mean you shine any less.

Just because no one has been smart enough to figure out
that you can't be topped,
Doesn't stop you from being the best.

Just because no one has come along to share your life,
Doesn't mean that day isn't coming.

Just because no one has made this race worthwhile,
Doesn't give you permission to stop running.

Just because no one has realized how much of an
awesome woman you are,
Doesn't mean they can affect your femininity.

Just because no one has shown up who can love you on
your level, Doesn't mean you have to sink to theirs.

Just because you deserve the very best there is,
Doesn't mean that life is always fair.

Just because God is still preparing your king,
Doesn't mean that you're not already a Queen.

Just because your situation doesn't seem to be progressing
right now, doesn’t mean you need to change a thing.

Keep shining, keep running, Keep hoping, and keep praying,
Keep being exactly what you are already. COMPLETE!!
Send this on to your female friends who need
to keep on doing what they do best.



.....but I'm 27 not 10!!
Nothing has physically changed. I still have a rapidly disappearing hairline, gap teeth, big hips and no man BUT I feel fabulous! Absolutely super!!!
I can take on the world one challenge at a time!
No mountain too high!
No river too deep!
You get the general idea.
WHY?? Because I am loved!
I have no shame in saying that I am loved and I am treasured! I have had an emotional weekend because my birthday made me realise that I have a Forbes 500 list of Friends and Family.
You see when you have people that care about what you think, how you feel, what you did, the shackles of life just fall free from your arms and legs. The day to day grind doesn't hurt anymore. You have a bounce in your step and a wiggle in your bum (ha).
Sorry if I'm coming all Mary Poppins over you but it's my party and I'll laugh if I want to.
Talking about my party, we went out for dinner at a local Indian and we were a bunch of 15 laughing, noisy so called adults! Whatever we made the restaurant pop! I wanted something a bit different as I am trying to wean myself off Nandos !!!
After that it was off to my house for desert and drinks (also known as shaks)! Quite a lot of people came and you had that nice feeling of a house party where people are chatting and laughing. I must say though my different groups of friends were getting on a bit too well and swapping stories of me misbehaving, hmmm! (I know where you all live)
I got great presents (that never hurts) including a packet of Jaffa Cakes from ex-hottie (read my profile you will understand).
High points of weekend 1. No less than four Aunties and a Father telling me that my wedding count down was officially ticking! I suddenly had visual of a big clock covered in lace and tulle!
High points of weekend 2. My friend making a happy birthday video on facebook for me then setting it wrong, so now everyone can see it! Classic!! She raps and sings!
I did miss some special people from Naija but I was thinking about you all and thank you for calling xxxxxx
I wish you all a great vibe this week, I want you all to feel like Kings and Queens. If work gets you down tomorrow just sing this in your head if you are:
NOT NIGERIAN: The theme song from Rocky when he runs up those steps or "Eye of the Tiger".
NIGERIAN: The song we would sing when in class in secondary school and we had no lessons "Number one step on the stage, show us your disco dancing steps: Say oops ehh, say oops ehhh!"
Some things happen to me and I wonder if they happen to other people? So therefore if I come across these things I will share them with you all so that you may avoid similar pitfalls. Here are two things I need to share and there might be many more so at the beginning of some of my posts you may see:

Caramel Delight says:

Don't mix brandy and Apple Tango. Just don't go there! It's nasty and tastes like the medicine your Mum used to force you to take when you were a child.

For the ladies, carry a spare pashmina and keep in your drawers at the office in case your nipples start showing (even though you wore a padded bra and your top had an under layer!!). If not you will have to wear your jacket in the office and lie and tell people you are cold. Office pashmina is also good for lunch time stains on your top or if you sat on something!

My Father has always been a bit of a drama queen but last night he crossed the boundaries of good taste.

Even though my Mum and I back from our trip to America, he is still there with my brother but has been on a bit of a tour going to different states where numerous family members live. Right now he is in his brother's house and I don't particularly like this Uncle and have been dodging calling my Dad in case this Uncle in question picks up. The few times I have tried to speak to my Dad, we found out that he had gone out. Right.

Last night he calls and tells me on the phone, something along the lines of, "I am comforted in the knowledge that when I die, you will not miss me because you get on so well without talking to me when I am alive!".


I was livid!! Absolutely shocked. Normally I would have madesome half hearted response but I wasn't having it!!! I exploded! I didn't raise my voice but I didn't let him speak over me either. I just said that that was a horrible (I said horrible around 10 times) and horrid thing to say. I told he had gone too far and as an educated man he could have found other words and phrases to tell me off for not calling rather than going THERE!! I mean some things are sacrilegious, how can you tell your only daughter that she will be fine when you die??? Tu fia kwa! (Igbo).

I was simmering but passed the phone over to my Mum, but when she later asked me what happened then I burst into tears (yeeeesssss I know, women!). My Aunt, when she heard what happened said " least you told him off and burst into tears after the phonecall."

I had to do deep breathing for the rest of the evening, I was still so pissed off!

Anyway that was last night, today is a new day and I am on the move with goals in sight. I will tell you all later.