If you are among the blessed few that actually read my blog, then I most apologise for my absence. I have been visiting home for two weeks and it has been hectic. By hectic I mean "really where has my fourteen days gone?" and by home I mean London.

For my patriotic Nigerians who might want to beat me up, I ask that you no vex!! I really was home, the type that is different from my home town in Nigeria. I mean the home that has been part and parcel of your life experience and where every bus stop, restaurant and corner shop has a memory.
When we drove in from the airport I was in love all over again looking at the trees in Autumn, the red buses and even my local Sainsburys!!!!

I have been here for two weeks with no Internet in the house cos my Mum took it off when I left for Naija so no available surfing. Also really there is no way that I'm blogging in my local Internet cafe where anyone can streeeeeeeetttttcccccccchhhhhhh their neck and do loookie loookie.

My hols are over and I'm back Naija style tommorow, but the gist and the bitching and rejoicing is plenty and I will be venting very soon...........
Well well well, Pooh Bear doesn't want to be called Pooh Bear anymore (being typed with sulky face). Apparently he feels that the name strips him of his masculinity and virility!! It wouldn't even help if I assured cyberspace that in the flesh he is gorgeous and manly and cool and a whole powder keg of testosterone!! Nope the man is stubborn and has asked me to changed it since I said it was their choice.

Whatever, when I mentioned that I was writing a blog and that did my mates want anonymous names or their own, he wasn't even listening. Now he is an avid reader and I ain't getting no peace. So in the name of democracy and interactiveness Pooh Bear is now..... TRAVIS (tell the truth Pooh Bear is better right??)

Want to use this medium to say a belated HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

Thank you for understanding that I had to miss your party over the weekend cos of our bereavement and I owe you a serious drink (or two, or three, look who's counting ?)
My Uncle died on Saturday and it hurts because it represents not just the loss of a good man but the disappearance of a stellar generation. They're not that much left and I know it is the passing of an age.

I remember when I was sixteen and my cousin wanted to hold a party over Christmas and we realised that my late Uncle's house was the best place because it had wide spaces and gorgeous wooden floors. So I was dispatched (as the girl) to go and ask permission. With trepidation I went to him and my Auntie (at a family wedding) and asked with no hope if we could invade their house at their inconvenience and have a party. We the smile of someone who has had teenage children he just said ok but try and leave the walls standing if you can!!

I was amazed because let me tell you I know A LOT of people who would have said "are you crazy??", but he was cool like that. I never saw him in action as a High Court judge but as an Uncle you happily gave him respect.....

With these thoughts in my head I hurt and tried to sort my thoughts out over the weekend but I just was not in the best place to do so, but now as I stare at my screen I realise that all that matters is that may he rest in peace, Amen and may his family take comfort in their memories of him.
Last weekend I went up to my hometown to spend some quality time with my family as had a Public Holiday on Monday. Now my Dad's family is polygamous as my Grandad, a king decided to fill his royal household with roughly 20 wives. Anyway when I got in I went to greet those who were around and the general consensus was that I was looking so glowly and lovely and delicious! Great right? Yeah it would have been if that didn't lead to the comment of "why on earth are you not yet married?"

Now for the record I am the poster child for single women everywhere. I have never been in a serious relationship and to be fair that didn't really ping on my radar till I had finished university (guess I was too busy loving uni), but anyway a favourite pastime for those around me in Nigeria this year is to guess why I am still single. Brace yourself, Nigerians are not known for their subtlety...

  1. I'm fat ... (this from my Mum. I would love to tell her that the last man to have his hands on my body loved it. But I can't say that she would have a heart attack)

  2. I'm too nice... (from a very cool mate, so maybe I should listen but really what am I meant to do, walk around in a PVC catsuit and a whip????)

  3. I'm too nice, part 2..(from a mate who pointed out that I'm such a cool friend that guys get too comfortable and don't want to think about me as anything else!!)

  4. I'm too smart..(apparently I awe people with my use of the English language and computer skills at work ! Hahahaha really my computer levels are nothing special and quite frankly I'm not walking around an investment house saying things like 'watcha???', 'aiight?' and 'Am I boovverrreedd?' just to mix up a little slang in my vocabulary.

The final one though that I heard last week and that I have heard from different sources is that i look too expensive !!!!! I mean really !!! This is the last straw! Apparently I look too expensive and that makes guys think that if they approach me they would have nothing to offer etc etc etc.

As we say in Lagos "Na wah oh !! See me see trouble!!". I'm just walking around minding my own business in my lovely high street clothes, which quite frankly mostly originate from Primark and people are acting like I have designer gear on !!!

Well this actually bothered me for a while you know, because while I have been in Nigeria these past 9 months stuff happened that gave me an inkling that people must assume really weird stuff about me, like I'm rolling POUNDS STERLING!! For the record I have an overdraft, laughable savings and a student loan from Her Majesty's Government that still needs repaying. SO to now add to that by saying that my love life will also suffer over these same presumptions really rankled.

Now I say "what a load of crap !!!!" If you get to know me you would know that while I have slept in five star hotels , I have also slept on a mat on a concrete floor. And while I have relaxed in rose scented bubble baths I have also had a bath with half a bucket of water that I have fetched from a well.

If you don't know me and sight me from across a room and think I'm expensive then guess what? You are not man enough for me to take the challenge and cross the room and tell me what you have to offer!!!!!

OK I don't want it to look like I am man bashing :0) Like I have said before both sexes are guilty of the mess we make in trying to figure out a relationship. I'm still on DENIAL by the way just that the other post was getting way too long and didn't want to scare anyone reading (if anyone is reading).

Normally I rant, but this time I'm just confused so in reality I'm musing. I just don't get why we make a complicated matter all the more complicated and let me tell you in Lagos it is x10.


Ladies we are the champions of denying when things are going south and I don't mean our boobs without a push up bra. Why is it that it is evident to everyone around you that you and your guy just don't work the way it was meant to, but not to you.

He hasn't meant your friends and really doesn't want to, you have had multiple arguments over some parts of his lifestyle that disturb you deeply but nothing has changed, hie ex's are never quite out of his life or yours for that matter and always hang around like a bad smell, he doesn't support your dreams but you support his, your Momma doesn't like him and you have more than a sneaking suspicion that he cheats on you when he travels .....BUT

You hang on after the fights and discovered emails and text messages, you hang on even though the explanations he gives you wouldn't fool a five year old, you hang on even though he has made you a paranoid and nagging wreck that wakes him up in the middle of the night so that you can ask him questions when you feel that his defences are down !!!

WHY ??? Really I don't get it. Why stay in that kind of relationship? Are you worried that you won't meet anyone else or are you worried that after putting all those years and effort into the relationship you can't stand to think that it was all for nothing?? Or is it love?? Hmmm. Denial of a situation just makes someone into a shadow of their former self and from what I've seen in my life and those around me, it's a real mess....

I do believe that I am a bit of a crackpot, really there is no other explanation to it. I am a young woman, quite smart, nice and all that stuff but underneath it all I am a crackpot. That is why I thank God for this blog because you can be a crackpot to cyberspace and no one will be any the wiser.

OK, so what is my problem this time, I hear you ask... Well it's relationships. The whole nine yards of it all, I don't get it. I'm sure God in his infinite wisdom knew why he didn't wire us to just reproduce solo, you know without any interaction whatsoever. You would get to a certain age and your body would let you know that now was the time to carry a baby and then POP you would get pregnant and carry it till full term and then etc etc.

I know that plan has a fair few flaws in it but then there would be no headache, mistake, madness, misunderstanding, heartache and all the other pitfalls of trying to co-exist with someone in a relationship, which is in order in the first place for the propagation of the human race.

Now I am writing with not that much experience of the whole thing, I myself at the lovely age of 26 has never been in a long term relationship but I have had my fair share of drama but, if anyone wants to weight in here please feel free, but let me tell you the problems I have had with the rigmarole of the this complicated muddle...


Why do we like living in denial?? It is something both men and women are guilty off. Living under the smoke screen that you think is there to protect you but actually is only there to hide you from your own self evident truth.

For example, you talk to a girl every day without fail, you can be on the phone with her for three hours minimum without even feeling the time slip, you know all her joys and pains and her favourite music, you give her gifts all the time, you feel the tangible connection flowing between the both of you, when you have a problem you call her and you know she will help without judging you and when you do put a step wrong she tells you like it is cos that is how much she cares BUT.....
You can't admit you have fallen for this girl, the very thought fills you with horror because then you will have to admit that your feelings are that strong! Your actual girlfriend doesn't even want to hear that girl's name anymore because you keep dropping her in the conversation and she has the sinking feeling that you two share something more special than your actual boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.

SO everyone starts getting miserable, the girlfriend is miserable and wants to complain but doesn't want to sound like a nag, the girl is miserable because she can't move on and get a proper boyfriend because you her 'friend' have become sucha big part of her life and you are miserable because you are in DENIAL .