but I will get over it and get a stronger mind too. I am human and I still care, maybe that's a bad thing, maybe not.
I do believe this week will be a fab week, I can feel it in my bones. For example this morning I got to work on time for the first time in three weeks!!!! I also got lovely fruit salad from a friend and it was major healthy food fun!!! It's also good that I'm all feeling the good blessings so that they can cushion me when dodgy things come my way.

I'm talking Sod's Law, that law that makes your toast fall on the floor butter side down, that makes it rain the one time you don't have your umbrella, that makes a girl run into the hot guy she has a crush on the one time she is wearing dodgy tracksuit bottoms, a hairnet and has facial scrub on her face (true story)!!

Anyway the big example of Sod's Law in my life right now is that NYSC has moved our Passing Out from Feb 6th to Feb 14th !! That's right flipping St. Valentines Day. That's like putting two fingers up to romance and fun. Our camp site is NOWHERE near the city centre, so we will be walking around like prison inmates (the uniforms do that to us) unless you are lucky enough to find where to change.

On a personal note, Mr. Man (previously mentioned in earlier post) will be in Lokoja because he is a Corper as well and will be passing out there in the North!! so that puts an end to anything happening, if it was going too....

The second big example is that there is a guy in my sister company who really likes me. He comes to my desk everyday (no mean feat as we are separated by two floors) , he calls randomly all the time and tries to find ways to meet me outside work. I work in a general office so some of my colleagues (including Senior Staff) have started teasing him mercilessly and it's terrible. I don't fancy him one bit and I have tried different ways to let him know but to no avail!!

Now I can name two people I would have given my left hand for them to behave this way but nope! Sod's Law in the extreme. Those you like don't like you and those you don't like are busy writing out your wedding invitations in their head. Aah life.

It has started oh!!!! Can we please win this time ??!!!! I'm doing my best to be patriotic so..... COME ON SUPER EAGLES!!!!! Err hope that helps. I mean really, the last time we won was in 1994. 1994!!!! I was 13 and in high school.
We sooooooooooo need to win again. What makes it more irksome is that the Super Eagles have the highest FIFA ranking among all the countries taking part, but some argue we are not hungry enough for it.
We wanna see some action. Actually the first Nigerian match is in a few minutes and people have skipped out of work or they made sure that all their important meetings were in the morning. HAHAHA
I would love to thrash Ghana as well, because they are the host country and my closest friends are Ghanaian, so therefore I can call them up and gloat !!!!!


So you see, for the record I can worry and be blue and be glum and wonder about stuff, but this week I'm going to try something radical. I am going to NOT WORRY.

This is cutting edge stuff I tell you! I profess that I am Catholic and believe in God but I think I have not been applying the theory of my religion. This week I am going to TOTALLY SUBMIT to the Higher Power in my life for my health and my sanity.

Every thing that is bothering me right now, I am going to pray for and I'll let you know how I am feeling. I cannot promise miracles but I do promise peace. I can't go on the way I have been lately, which is smiling on the outside and pretending it's alright. At this moment I can confess, that I am lost, worried, lonely, jealous and all other negative things that snap at my heels like chained dogs that know that their chains are slowly breaking.

Today I'm breathing free and I'm breathing better because I am giving all my cares to God. It won't be smooth because it's hard to break the habit of a lifetime but I am determined and I can't wait to see how it goes :0)
So on Saturday I went to a Lagos society wedding. For those that don't know, all it means is a normal wedding to a greater power. Everything is bigger, wider, louder, Nigerian style. The couple were a lovely looking young Igbo couple so therefore it stands to reason that apart from family and parent's friends there were going to be a fair amount of young adults ie 25-35 etc.

Now I know that in cultures all around the world, single people go to weddings with a glint in their eye looking out for a possible hook up, but really I think I missed the all out war signal that was sent out for this wedding! I wasn't even looking at the guys, I was too busy scoping the women.

Tall, short, average height, fair, dark, in between, hair up, hair down, cut to the side, loose, fake, natural, western dresses, African print, traditional attire, stilettos, wedges, slippers, pumps, ballet slippers, make up, no make up...anyway you wanted it it was there!!! It was like Oscar night I swear. I wanted to pick up an imaginary microphone and look into a camera and start telling the viewers at home what was going down that evening!

The unfortunate part though were the ladies that tried to hard and then it sort of feel apart. They wore dresses that would be fine on our Western sisters who generally come wth less cleavage than your Nigerian girl and anyway those that have just stick on a bit of boob tape and it's all right. Nigerian girls can't use boob tape, and the ones at the wedding couldn't wear a bra with those plunging necklines so they opted to just wing it... NOT A GOOD IDEA

Bits of not so firm boobs were drooping everywhere, out through the front and out of the sides and jiggling and jangling all over the place oh dear!!! Then some crossed the not too subtle line from wedding outfit to nightclub outfit and looked a bit garish in the daylight. Even though I fight against the truth sometimes, I do have to admit that simple and elegant always wins the day !
See oh, I roll with Phoenix like 98% of the time. She works hard running around anywhere, so with both chores and social activities I'm the navigator so to speak (yes there is the two percent when I do have my own life).

This evening though I was very ready to say NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO when she suggested I go to Silverbird to see CK with her and guess what??? B was going to be there as he was hanging out there as today is his birthday!!!

HAHAHAA Apart from the fact that Phoenix and CK hardly have any alone time together and I do not want to be a third wheel, can you imagine me seeing B??? I don't think so. After the whole rigmarole of wanting to see him to balance things right and him not bothering, my eyes are suddenly allergic :0)

Phoenix went and I and some friends later went to pick her and CK from the front of the shopping centre. I just knew that B will come out and if I saw him stupid ensuing awkwardness would be the main dish of the evening. So when we pulled up, your girl just turned in the front seat (backing the windscreen) and made a big deal of helping clear stuff out of the back seat of the car to make space for Phoenix and CK. Then when Phoenix (Miss Unsubtle 2008) said see your friend and I had to turn around he was backing me on his way back into the building. Score for me!!
What's bugging me now eh?? What What What????? I love having a blog, I don't mind that much that no one actually reads it, I love having it because I can let out my screams into cyberspace and be all the better for it.

I am generally very upbeat but right now I'm not and if anybody says it is PMS I'll punch someone I swear. I'm sooo sleepy and I wonder why cos I know I slept well. Be that as it may I just want to lay my head on my desk and sleep, which worries me cos I start thinking that I may be getting diabetes so now I'm monitoring how many times I go to pee. By the way I'm not be stupid, there is diabetes in my family and I'm a big girl so there!!

I'm also cranky because I am at work and there is NOTHING TO DO. I've asked my boss several times if there is anything I can help him out with and he keeps saying "in a minute". Minutes are slowly turning into hours. I can't help it that I'm super efficient and have done all my work. If I work then I'm kept busy and my mind doesn't wander. Hey I can think!!! I think too much for my own good. Turning things over and over and over again !!! VERY BAD

I also want a hug, yep it's true I want a cuddle. I'm a big softy and I need comforting and quite frankly there is no one around to do that. OK actually tell a lie, there is someone but he's not generally the sensitive type. He's attracted to me, I'm attracted to him and we have a laugh but that's it. Also after the whole B thing I'm a bit more cautious.

WOW OK!! I feel miles better. Nigerians don't moan about their feelings much, it's just not done so really couldn't have done this by the water cooler, might have scared a colleague or something....

PS I've been given work HURRAH

I refuse to let a negative entry be my only post this New Year so let's have some good news!!! CK (I call him Naija Clark Kent, he loves Superman) has moved on to serious levels of job satisfaction!! Yep he got a new job and just any old new job, noooooooooo.

He got a job at a seriously sexy CaramelD rating of 9/10 advertising mega company!!! I would love to mention the company's name here so that you can ohhh and aaah appropriately but I think I will keep it under wraps in case I'm infringing some law or the other (yes I know I occupy a minute fraction of cyberspace but these people are so sexy they would just KNOW if their name was being taken in vain).

Why am I so happy for CK? Well for a host of reasons. Firstly the company has worldwide networks, so the only way would be up, secondly his salary has shot up (never a bad thing), thirdly this is only his second job in advertising but mostly I'm happy cos it gives me hope. Like me, CK's first degree is in Law, unlike me he actually went to law school but took a huge risk (can anyone say African parents!!!) and went into copy writing with no formal training. I choose PR and did my Masters in 2006.

Some how in the back of my mind I feel that that should validate the whole time he felt unsure and wondered am I doing the right thing or am I crazy??? Now I don't admit to having his range of talent for the creative, but I hope that one day that will be me and the years of answering the question, "what, so you are really not going to Law school?" will have a physical worth to my spiritual conviction.

PS, CK I'm waiting for my sexy mega advertising company pen, calendar, note pad, bumper sticker..........

Hey, Happy New Year!!! Out with the old and in with the new!!! Blessings on you all. I realised that you can't start a new year with old issues so as quickly as he came on stage, the boyfriend has now exited ! Now I'm a fair person, when we first meet, things were mad at work so I didn't have time to blog that is why there is no record of the long phone calls four times a day, the understanding patience when I had weird panic attacks, the cheesy Borat impressions that made me laugh and the sneaking out of work to come see me when I was ill, for the record they occurred and were nice.

Na, he messed up one night and what got me was how he handled the aftermath of that, that was just as bad as the night itself. I've put in an email I wrote to my sister friend in London explaining.....

Good morning,

My Monday is threatening to be pissy so I am taking this rare opportunity to talk to you and vent. Righty oh were were we?? Oh yeah B!!!

Right erm he invited me to this MTV Base party on the 17th December (dates matter), it was the hottest ticket in town and I had been mad sick with malaria and was happy to be going out!

So we were a happy group,Phoenix and CK, June, B and I, Ope (CK's friend) 2 girls from Phoenix office and some guys from CK and B's office. From the moment we got there my man was soooo distracted, didn't seem that excited to see me and didn't tell me I was looking nice, but no biggy!

He had some people's tickets and Phoenix had her brother's , so June and I went inside found a spot near an air vent and were checking the crowd. Soon everyone else came to meet us but no B. So people are asking, where's B? And I'm like I don't know!!!

For some reason i must have been wafting out pheromones or something cos guys kept on coming up to me and I was batting them away , it was only at that time that I realised a fair bit of time must have passed cos someone made the comment "serves B right, if the landlord is not around then squatters will come".

So he came after that and we spent like 10 minutes chatting and then he was off again and I can safely say that I never spent that much time with him again for the next 5 hours of the night out.

We went up to the VIP room to get some drinks and sit down and later as were having drink, Phoenix spots B with a girl chatting at the bar and asks who's that and still muggins over here (me) was like "whatever maybe an old friend" I really was not bothered.

When the shit hit the fan was when I was dancing with him and trying to wynd my booty as you do, he pushed me away implying he was drunk and getting turned on and wanted to sit down, five minutes later he is dancing with that same other girl and her friends.

The rest of night proceeded as follows:

B trying to use stupid sense to hang around the girl without me noticing
Girl giving me bitchy looks
People in our group noticing that B is an idiot and me feeling VERY VERY annoyed
Me spending most of the night chatting with complete strangers as everyone else had gone to do their own thing (quite rightly too)
B noticing that I was pissed and actually asking me "where have you been ?"

So when he left he suddenly remembered I existed and started calling on the phone, why do I have an attitude? what's wrong? When I pointed out his interesting behaviour, the best he could come up with was "when I drink I like to party hard and get a bit wild", no problem I replied, just that you were partying with the wrong woman, Idiot!

I also pointed out that at the beginning of the night he was quick to introduce me as his girlfriend to all his male friends but did not see fit to introduce me to the girl and her friends with whom he spent the better part of the night!

Anyway the Sunday after followed with more annoying phone conversations, and the really scary thing he does is to turn himself into the victim. You are the one that has been made upset and a fool of and he will come out with things like "I can't believe you all would think that of me, Why are you all being so mean???" I was just tired.

So me trying to be grown up, "come see me we will talk", I never saw him and I left for my hometown on Thursday morning. While I was there he kept saying he tried calling me, but I can't be sure. I know on my part that I tried calling him. Why bother though I wonder ? When I can back the Thursday after Boxing Day and still no physical contact for like a week plus, I called him and told him on my part, I'm not in this scene anymore.

Do you know what he said? I have felt that way since the night of the 17th but only felt brave enough to say it now!!!

So my love this is what happened with B in a nutshell, I can't type everything :0)

What I forgot to tell her in the email, was that B's main defense was that the girl was no one special and she was just part of a group of old friends but unfortunately for B I found out that he was with her a week before in one of our main shopping centres! Oh well....NEXT!!!