My Dad is calling 'family meeting' in Friday. My response to my Mum telling me this is 'what did I do now?'

Of the past three years the equation is: FAMILY MEETING = FAT & UNMARRIED CARAMEL

This is the burden of my individual family situation. My Dad likes to flex paternal muscles everytime he is around and I'm so over it. I'm stressed at work and like my home to be a refuge. Family meeting my bum!

I'm too old for this crap! I would have moved from my house if not that I am sending all my spare money home to help finish my parents home. Once that house is finished, I'm asking for a raise and moving out.

I'm done, it's enough.

Happy Mother's Day (UK) to all the Mums, mother figures and potential mothers out there. They have the hardest and the most blessed calling in the whole world.

As I am still in domestic goddess mode from last week, I decided in celebration of British spring (yes oh we have sunshine and flowers praise God) to do a full English Roast with roast chicken, potatoes and veg and of course gravy, with carrot cake and custard for dessert. Then my Mum says;

"Oh Mother's Day, when's that? Oh oh, I doing a double shift, won't be home all day."


This is why it's not good to get too exicted about things. I had missed the last two Mother's Day because I had been in Nigeria for Youth Service so I was hyped up..... Oh well.

I did the carrot cake anyway so she could take it to work for the other nurses that were working and I made another one for my friend's birthday. Now yesterday when I told my Dad I'm going to buy flour and stuff he had raised the whole fat girls shouldn't eat cake. I sweetly told him that both cakes were not for the this house and had external destinations.

Imagine my horror when we came back from church this morning and my Dad said:

"Stay away from sugar, the cake I ate last night (3am!) should not be in the house."


He had cut out a big chunk of someone's birthday cake. I had to use everything in my power not to flip and grouch. I had to point out that he has to work on listening to me when I speak and not tuning me out. I'M NOT HIS SPOUSE DAMN IT! I had even told him yesterday that there was a small cake with less fat and sugar I had made for him in the fridge. He bypassed that one and went for the big cake. Chai! I don't understand oh. When I spoke to him football, news and cowboy films were not showing, so where did it all go wrong?

I am now going to scrap together ingredients for another cake as the real owner is coming today to collect it. Someone give me a drink!

PS Jade Goody RIP. My dear you used what you had to the best of your abilities. May angels watch over your sons.


Afrobabe's post today asked what reminds us of our roots. Among other things I mentioned my wrapper and RocNaija was lamenting but Afro said it was sexy and Mizchif claimed it was a necessity. This is an article of clothing that can't be taken lightly...not at all! If the wrapper was a modern day invention and brought to me to promote, gosh! It would be a marketing dream come true. Check the myriad of uses:-

  • Primarily as a body wrap and modesty protector. It could be a skirt (lower part of your body), halter dress (tie it around your neck) or dressing gown (across your chest but be careful as it might make your boobs saggy).

  • It is a baby sling par excellence! How many mothers/baby carers will testify to this? For all of you that didn't know, your baby is soothed by your heartbeat from the back of your torso, while leaving your hands free to do the other million things women have to do.

  • It's a mini blanket when the weather is too hot for normal bed linens.

  • It can be a towel (true talk, I went to boarding school and saw with my two eyes).

  • Also when rolled up it can be used as a protector when carrying stuff on your head!

OK check it, how many points? 5!! Serious practical uses, now let us analyse Afro's claim of it's sexiness. Now please men feel free to contradict me but I personally know guys that have a weird freaky wrapper thing including an ex of mine. Every time he saw me in one he just had to pull it! He couldn't help himself. Other friends have mentioned the same freaky wrapper thing to me also. Maybe for guys it's the knowledge that one pull will reveal something! LOL! Like an adult version of Tales by Moonlight hehehehehe. Finally I have never seen a traditional bride more beautiful than with this current fashion of wearing wrapper only over her chest (old school style) and beads.

Last but not least, Nollywood would be lost without a wrapper or two thrown into every other scene. Fabulous! I rest my case!


In other news, another bridesmaid came to my rescue when she said that not only did she have that dress already for another wedding earlier in the year but that it was bought in America for less than 1/2 the price of the London cost! Praise be to God in heaven!! So now one of the bride's cousins is doing research! Please join me in thanking God oh!

I have been a witness to real e-love while my friend has been in London. Her and her Oga are missing each other seriously oh! There is no technological gadget that has not been used to keep in touch. Phone calls, IM, texts, mobile IM's, picture messaging, Google Earth! I tell you all that is left is Twitter LOL! It's romance in the 21st century. It's the sweetest and the nerdiest thing ever!

I channeled my inner Bree from Desperate Housewives and cleaned my house from top to bottom. Especially my room. There are too many nooks and corners for things to disappear. I even found my birth certificate and I didn't know it was even missing! Chai! All that cleaning must have burnt calories (Lord knows it wasn't anything else) as I am feeling quite Caramelicious ;)

Fig 1

I survived! I survived!!!!! I'm totally tired but I got through last week! Praise the Lord! Buttercup do the shuffle! Also because of my sterling work (nothing broke and no one died ha!) and the fact I had to come in to work today, I get Wednesday, Thursday and Friday off to compensate my lost weekend.

In breaking news, My Dad went to Germany for a mini break and my Mum is going a bit later too! This is big news! My Mum never goes on a break! She works on her days off and we always argue about it but now she is going for about four days! THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY INDEED!

The best mood enhancing news is [drum roll please] MY HOME GIRL IS HERE FOR A VISIT! Woo hooo!!!! It's like having a little bit of Naija sunshine (wink wink) in cold London! It's great. I know her Oga isn't sharing my happiness but he has to share abeg, she will soon zoom back to Lagos! The downer is that I go to work but really she isn't home either: the babe no gree! She is on a shopping mission that could bring tears to your eyes. I think Gordon Brown should meet her because she can personally jump start the British economy and reverse the economic downturn LOL!

So you can see why I am starting my own conga line (I'm also hyped on coffee to keep my eyes open)!


Obviously life won't let you be completely stress free but they won't get me I will still rejoice no matter what.... What is the problem I here you ask?

My cousin and longtime friend is getting married and I'm a bridesmaid. Just got an email that the dress is £175!!! I nearly fainted in my office! £175 for a dress alone! Nothing else! I really can't afford that without something else suffering (like my savings). I just don't earn enough for that! I politely raised the issue but I know she has made up her mind. Meanwhile another bridesmaid is sending email that her cheque is in the post! No support there then! Chai!

For her I would do it but what makes it worse is that the dress (though pretty) is sleeveless! Ewo! I don't do that at all. I hate seeing ladies hiking up the top part of the corset when they think no one is looking. My chest needs straps! Always have, always will. Even if I was skinny I have issues with upper arms and that fold women get between boobs and armpits! As you can see in Fig 1, Caramel likes jackets!! What a quandary! I'm a 16/18 and not loving the thought of that wedding day anymore. Does anyone have advice?

PS I'm not stressed! Just mildly irritated. In the grand scheme of things it's not that big a deal. This is my 5th time as a bridesmaid so I have a had a good run if this is my first stress inducing moment. When I get to hideous creations like 27 Dresses then we will start crying LOL!

See as God is my witness, I have so many things to say but my brain won't get into first gear.

I love being part of this Nigerian community but the awards have me scared! I went to vote so that I can be supportive of the hard work the girls have put in and I felt a bit faint LOL! I would love to win something (really who wouldn't??) but after seeing that roll call of FABULOUS bloggers, I quietly voted and went to go and eat my garri and oha soup....

Category A is deep! No chance for Caramel's bum to see space. If you see anything that reminds you of me in Category B, then God bless you! Yes this is me campaigning (my Mum said nothing ventured, nothing gained).

In other news....

My Dad is here for his post op check up, the TV and I had a teary farewell. We won't see each other for a long time, while my Dad is here.

I'm in charge of a kick ass project at work and I am so stressed that there is grey hair in my weave. I just have to survive today till end of Sunday and I can breathe a bit better.

I keep getting an email from Diamond Bank to verify a cheque by giving them my account number!!! O gini??? In my whole time at home for NYSC I never used one tiny toe to enter Diamond Bank! I find it very offensive when fellow Nigerians try to 419 me! I'm not white!!

I recently had a whole week of not thinking about Baked Beans! Fabulous! I think I'm getting better! Do the shuffle!

For anyone who watches MTV Base, I met Trevor Nelson today! Woo hoo! I was very professional while giggling on the inside! He is an alumni of my college and came to shoot a promo video for our new campus.

I was a bit worried that I had lost my inner goddess so I glamed up a bit and tried to remember how to smile at a man (so out of practice because I currently avoid them like the plague) flashed a look at a gentleman and he nearly walked into a bathroom door hehehehe!


Last night I woke up randomly at 5am and then went back to bed again and had the most intense dream. I dreamt that my family went out and I stayed at home, so when they came back they handed over a child to me to bathe and I thought 'hang on, my brother is way bigger than this!' Then I realised he was my child! When I put him to bed I lay on my side looking at him and grumbled (good naturedly) that I can't see anything of myself in him, only that he is fair and thank God that his father's family are good looking if not there would have been trouble. In the dream, while on the bed all I could see was a close up of his face, but he was so beautiful down to his eyelashes. Also in the dream I knew I loved him! Could feel it so strongly. I don't know where that dream came from, kids are the LAST thing on my mind at this moment and I'm more used to babysitting girls than boys but WOW! That was my baby, I just KNOW IT. I was spooked when I woke up, let me tell you. I had to write this down so I don't forget.

PS At work today trying to set up for an exhibition over the weekend, I was so stressed I kept muttering, I want a biscuit, I want a biscuit! Wetin do me? That's why Lent is so important. It shows us how much care we put in things of the world instead of leaning on spiritual help. Whether food, alcohol, or bad habits. It's time to focus on what counts, no biscuits!

You don't have to vote for me (ahem, ahem) but make sure you do vote at the awards, it will be fun!