Ohhhh it is time for me to leave the house, I am now dangerously approaching maximum facebook addiction sadness. I have really shocked myself, in fact I'm banning myself from facebook for the whole weekend and come next week whether I have a temp job or not I will leave my house for longer than 15 minutes!!!

What did I do? I checked if I had moved position on some one's top friend's list on their profile page.....................

I need help or some kind of intervention (possibly spiritual at this stage). The funny thing is I have things to do outside. I need to go to the doctors and I need a new Nigerian passport from the embassy. Instead of getting to those, I keep postponing them and end up on facebook doing sad, sad, sad things !

I'm officially putting myself in the naughty corner. I really miss Phoenix at times like this. I need to be beaten back into my senses.

My Mother bought a steamer, a three piece combination steamer and wok. Not just any three piece combination steamer and wok, but one endorsed/marketed by a celebrity chef so you know it was mad expensive.

And who is the wok for?? Apparently it's for me....... for when I get married.

Back in the day I had heard the urban legend whispered along the hall ways that there is this mystical chest where Igbo mothers pack household items that is brought out at the end of the daughter's traditional wedding to be used to send her off to her husband's house etc. My Mum had once made a remark to the point that she had already started amassing such items and I had laughed it off.

I'm not laughing anymore.

As I admired the impressive silverware, I pointed out that I was not marrying anytime soon unless people knew something that I did not, it didn't even faze the woman!

I get the very scary feeling that my Mum is using these few days of my unemployment as a kind of marriage boot camp. I was interrogated earlier last week for information regarding exactly how well I could cook certain dishes (the army has nothing on my Mother) and any dish I didn't answer a hundred percent answer to , ended in crash course lessons. Even later this night I have Egusi Soup practicals to look forward to.

I resent all of this on a higher level becasue I know it is a result of being female!! I don't mind the cooking lessons, but it makes you wonder, do men get this aggro??? Somewhere in the world right now, is there a 26 year old man being pulled aside by his father and being asked how many skills he has to raise a family???? Are they buying him a steamer too?? Or a tool box, or lawn bloody mower to cut his future son's mini football pitch!!!!!!!!

I'm going now to go and cook the meat for the soup and cut spinach. I WILL LAUGH AT THIS ONE DAY :)
My home girl asked me to be her bridesmaid!!!! Yeah I'm soooooooo excited!! I am a romantic (not hopeless romantic though cos Naija kicked that one out of my system) and I was there at the beginning five flipping years ago when it all budded like a flower in springtime (wow I'm on a roll this morning).

Also I now have the absolute kick starter for me losing my stomach cos the other two bridesmaids are slim and all that so IT'S ON BABY!!! Also her getting married makes feel a whole lot better about something not so wise I did which I will explain later.

Finally got introduced to ex-hottie's current lady friend. I had been so eeeekkkk about it before but it had never come to pass, so that by the time yesterday rolled by, I had no more drum rolls in me so it was totally normal. Of course I was nice and well mannered and the lady seems very nice so there is no need to be all evil eye about the whole thing LOL.

I would rather have spent as much time as possible in the kitchen with Phat Lady (ex-hottie's sister and my home girl of 9 years) but she was all "go eat in the sitting room, leave me in the kitchen", so with heavy heart I had to join the couple and watch tv and make small talk. That wasn't really so bad, what was appetite reducing was remembering that the couch where they were sitting on had also played host to me and his royal nibs during heavy make out sessions!!! Very weird......

It does leave room for thought, can I get back to the time when we all hung out as friends ?? It would make things so much easier in my head. Maybe have some kind of mind erasure machine to delete certain scenes from doing playback when you least need them. I still stand by my declaration that I'm over him but please I'm not made of stone LOL .

I keep wearing my knickers inside out, no seriously I'm being very honest here. Something is wrong with my mental state and maybe this is a silent plea for help! It was fine if it were just the thongs cos I have some sheer ones and one side can look like the other if you are in a rush but shock horror, it also happened with my normal high legs!!!!!

My Mum once said that if you were your clothing inside out unintentionally it meant that you were going to get money. Well if that was the case, it would be raining money like a Lil Wayne video! I think I need to start some kind of deep breathing and deep meditation so I am more in control and more focused, maybe then I will start wearing my knickers the right way around.

PS Found this advert online about patches you put on your body to reduce your cravings for food. There was a free trial pack, so trust me now, I sent for it. It's a week supply and I am currently on day 2. Will document if it works for me on not after the week is over. So far it just smells like a mini pharmacy stuck on your body :)
I hate application forms, it's bloody snowing in England a lot, my Mum keeps NAGGING me to the point of desperation and I missed the first episode of season two's Brothers and Sisters. Oh sigh!

What gets me the most is the application forms ! They are like a totally necessary evil!! Heaven has smiled on you if you find one that is less than six pages long!! You can't apply for work without them apart from if you are really lucky and get those vacancies where they just ask you send in your CV (oh joy, oh bliss).

That doesn't happen though, where would the fun be if it did? How could get they get their daily jollies if not for reading the answers us poor saps have written to stupid questions like 'how has your hobbies formed your personality?' and my personal favourite; 'why did you apply or this position?'..... ANS 'I applied for this position because I'm not a size 0 with huge fake boobs, therefore I cannot get through life as a footballer's wife. Because of said defect I now find that I have to actually work for a living earning some kind of wage that will keep me in lip gloss, shoes, fake hair and of course food and shelter!!!!!
After my much needed therapeutic ranting, I came across some baby pictures and thought awwwwww, look at me when life was simple and my biggest problem was nappy rash. So I cranked up my brand new spanking scanner and decided these pictures were the much needed antidote to my previous bad mood!
PS I will explain about my hissy fit later!

I don't care anymore, I don't care, I don't care!!!!! I'm such a wossy sappy idiot sometimes , I really am!!!!

No more, no more , no more, caring, feeling, sharing, missing people who obviously don't miss you or anything!!!!! STUPID GIRL!!!!!


I have had better phone conversations with a bit of mature cheddar!!!! And sending me a text afterwards to say thanks for calling, doesn't win any stupid brownie points!!! Instead all it does is make you sound like the Customer Care Department of some faceless multi national!!!!!!!!

Spending money I don't have to buy a phone card and call people, well I shouldn't have bothered!!!!! I have better people i could have called back home but shame on me , I called you instead!!!!!

No more, no more , no more, it just brings so much headache!!!!!! It is sooooooooooooo much better to not be bothered, not like anyone and at least be in possession of your sanity!!!!!

Well this is the sign I needed, it ends right here!!!!!

THE ICE QUEEN COMETH~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!