• Dancing to ABBA in my underwear.
  • Dancing to any song in my underwear.
  • Putting on a wrapper and dancing to Igbo music
  • Singing along to fab music in the car.
  • A fat juicy novel with adventure, murder and romance.
  • Fantasy/epic films with swords and battlefields.
  • My Mum's Jellof rice/chicken/coleslaw
  • Dancing in a night club with shoes that don't hurt but still look sexy
  • Chatting on facebook while working in the office
  • Agatha Christie's Poirot on TV
  • Being checked out by the hot guy you are checking out
  • Finding money you didn't know you had
For the first time in a long time, I was the last person to have a bath this morning and one of E's (Phoenix's brother) friends was joining us to go to work. I did not know this as I was in the bathroom and Phoenix did not come in and give me a head's up so I walk out of the bathroom right into the living area thinking that I was alone.

Well heaven help me I was not alone, there was a man in the sitting room and I'm there in my towel, wet and the whole left side of my body indecently clad. Well what can one do? Instead of pegging my sponge on the airer, I just squeaked good morning, and bolted for the bedroom in a blur of blue cotton!!!

Phoenix I'm putting you in the naughty corner!!
This is to honestly declare to all interested parties (ie my unbelieving friends) that I, Caramel Delight, currently of Ajah, Lagos has gotten over Ex Hottie.

This declaration covers all misty eyed trips down memory lane, all sexual comparisons, all stalking of his facebook profile page, all discussions with him or about him on MSN and all playing of particular slow jams that would result in aforementioned trips down memory lane.

I declare these facts to be true as I have had my attention drawn to to other members of the opposite sex and have not thought about him in a while in that way.

This declaration also serves as an order to aforementioned unbelieving friends to stop speculating and start taking me for legendary Lagosian parties so that I, Caramel Delight can start wearing all my previously unloved party clothes.

Signed and Dated :- CaramelD November 23rd 2007
It's raining! It's RAINING!!!!!!!! We are in the middle of November and there is a torrential downpour battering the streets of Lagos, (well at least in my area). It ain't right, we are meant to be starting the Harmattan season, what I should be seeing outside my office window is cold light fog in the morning and dry arid heat for the rest of the day!!!

Instead it is raining, oh dear! Pity the poor people who have happily not been moving around with their umbrellas......

This is a sign, oh people of Nigeria, global warming is not just a thing stupid white people thought about to keep themselves busy. It's affecting us toooooooo. Our seasons are getting out of whack and the farmers are complaining in the newspaper's. But are we listening??
Time to get this off my chest.....

Have you ever felt a type of sexual attraction torwards someone so intense that you actually start to wonder if you are alright?? The sight of them gets all your five senses on overdrive. You feel a kind of slow burn warming it's way through your entire body starting from your tummy and winding it's way through to the very tips of your now tingling fingers.

You can spend countless hours remembering every way your body felt when you were touched and how liquid your previously solid knees went with every kiss. You might be out on the street and their favourite scent on another person instantly triggers happy feelings through your body and it takes you five minutes to actualise realise why you are suddenly so breathless... Has that ever happened to you?

You are at work and even though you are being productive that orange blinking light to tell you that they are online suddenly pushes all proper thought of work away. You smile at every text and every phonecall and count the days and hours till you see them again, to be part of that smile, that hug, that kiss......Has that ever happened to you?

You that had always been so sensible, are suddenly in the grip of this wickedly naughty attitude. Outfits are bought and pondered over, things that didn't matter like perfume and underwear suddenly take on massive importance. You find yourself flirting outragously, thinking and planning things to bring them to their knees and loving the sexual power you have over them, a power they happily submit to......Has that ever happened to you?

It happened to me and I knew that there were no gurantees, I knew it wasn't solid but I didn't care. I felt great and fabulous. For so long I hadn't be moved by anyone, was starting to wonder if I was alright, so when the electricityy started buzzing (unexpectedly) I was intrigued.

It ended when I came to Nigeria and I was trying to be grown up about it (it worked sometimes !) Then an emergency re-established contact and then I knew I was in trouble. Platonic conversations soon took the turn of 'do you remember that time?' and then the flirting etc etc.

My resolutions to keep some distance would only stand for a while and then crumble. When I knew I was going to London for a little while, at the back of my head was that little voice, ' you know you want to see him again don't you' and there was no denying it, I did and apparently the feeling was reciprocated.

In London it was like a Comedy of Errors, time was suddenly in short demand and any plans we made were messed up by Fate and let me tell you unlike the movies, there was no happy ending, we were never left alone for more than three seconds. As I packed my bags getting to return to Nigeria, a horrible but serious thought slowly made its way into my mind... What if all the real work was on my side alone, what if all those conversations were merely a form of entertainment, oh Lord what if he's just humouring me and I can't see it!!

I couldn't even ask him if I was right because that would be a showing a vulnerability that would be too costly to my pride to show. So I smiled my fake smiles and came back to Nigeria determined to MOVE THE FUCK ON FOR THE LOVE OF MY SANITY. I have been trying, really I have and it was going just fine and dandy la la la etc..... If it is going just fine and dandy it shouldn't matter to me that he has new girlfriend who is just amazing and lovely and fabulous, should it ??????

I know I'll be fine soon, I don't stay down for long but for now I need a Lord of the Rings three part DVD box set, a new hair style, chocolate, Grease movie soundtrack, new outfit, etc etc etc
TO give you an example of the friends I roll with, read on.....

As my office is on the way home, Phoenix always picks me up and we go home together with her brother who also woks nearby. A couple of nights ago, she picked me up in her office car as Travis had gone to Abuja on a business trip and she was going to drop it at his house.

The poor darling was in the throes of dodgy flu and chest infection so her favourite best friend right now was tissue. When we arrived at Travis' house, she parked the car and got out. Out comes a mighty sneeze and in goes the car keys into the gutter!!!!!

So I'm all " no one panic I'll go and call security. Miss I'm Sick just tells me to help her get her phone cos it has a light. Before I can blink, she has LIFTED the paving slab that covers the gutter and moved it to one side!!! Then she gets on her knees and like a surgeon she asks for a hanger!! I'm thinking, what the hell needs hanging now?? What she wants was the wire hanger in the car which Travis uses for his suit jacket.

Well with me holding the light, she unbends it and proceeds to use it as a fishing line to hook out the partially submerged keys. I get some bottled water in the car and use it to rinse out her hands and keys then we put the slightly pongy keys in an old envelope and she proceeds to put the slab back in place and we both sashay out of the estate!!!!

I love my body but sometimes it really stumps me. THAT time of the month is approaching and my boobs are huge, I mean I was walking around in the office and I tell you I had to go and wear my suit jacket because I thought it was getting just a bit ridiculous. So I'm walking around in my suit jacket and people think I'm just feeling corporate, not knowing that I'm trying to reduce my porn star audition chest!!

Don't even get me started on my tummy, I feel like that I'm in my 1st trimester. All this is not sexy talk I know but someone has to vent for the ladies!!!

Thank God that at least my face is under control, so this month no appearance of that one evil spot that lands on the most conspicuous part of your face when you have that important meeting/date/wedding etc.....

When I wasn't making medical appointments, or catching up with beloved friends and family, i had to go shopping.

Now don't get me wrong I love to shop, not as much as some of my friends but I do admit that there is joy in refreshing one's wardrobe etc... My style though is when I'm walking through the streets if I see something that I know I need or that will suit me or perk up an already existing outfit then I swan into the shop give it try and decide if it suits or not.

There are also the sales and the inevitable birthday/wedding outfit hunt for a particular occasion. That's civil isn't it?? Practical, sensible yet filled with fun and light...BUT fast forward to my break and it was not the case, I had a time scale to work towards and ever dwindling funds. I really could have gone the whole two weeks without buying more than face cream and my favourite thongs but nooooooooooo, we can't have that can we???

It would be breaking some time honoured Nigerian women's code of being in the promised land and not making the best materialistic opportunity out of it. I hadn't been there three days and my Mum was already making comments of "don't forget you have to go to Finsbury Park and buy some suits for work" eeeeeeeeekkkkkkk. Then there was the undeniable fact that while in Nigeria my boobs had shrunk and didn't know what size I was anymore so I not only needed fitting I also needed new bras.

Well I made the mistake of telling my friend and Mum and every second was "what about your bras???", "have you done your fitting?", etc etc etc etc . Another 'fun' aspect of holiday shopping is the list you get of things to acquire on behalf of your friends, which is cool until you can't see what they want and have to start buying variations of a theme.

The funniest thing was at the last section of hols my cousin (bride to be), and my cousin's wife wanted me to help them get wedding shoes and christening outfit respectively!!! Talk about no pressure. I just kept on thinking what if she doesn't like the shoes or what if the baby rejects the outfit and everyone thinks the poor baby is rejecting the Holy Spirit??

Got them at the last minute and a few bits and pieces that my budget could stretch to but I tell you I didn't enjoy the whole intense shopping thing, that Nigerian trait didn't reach me oh!! Phoenix is a master shopper as in she wears sneakers, puts on a backpack and she's off like the characters in Wacky Races. Or what about the Nigerian women that come on 'holidays' with their four children as each child has a 2 piece luggage allowance each?? Hmmm that's what I call hardcore !!!!!
  • My cousin's short wedding dress absolutely stole the show this week and she wins Hot Bride of the Year 2007.
  • My Youth Service khaki trousers are shrinking at an alarming rate.
  • I'm getting bigger hips, chest and bum.
  • I'm sleepy at one in the afternoon.
  • I'm tired of uploading pictures on Facebook and I haven't even cracked the surface.
  • I've been in Lagos roughly 10 months and I don't fancy anyone.. the one guy that did spark an interest is off limits.
  • I need more vitamins in my diet.
  • I'm serioulsy broke.
  • One of my older, married, male clients has started hitting on me, ewww.
  • I want to go to the cinema and see Stardust.
  • I need to do laundry.

Soooooorrrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyyyyyyy, I really am . If you could see me typing you would see my sad face and not be angry at me anymore. I know that it has been ages but I'm telling you there is no Internet in my life. Well no daily access anyway. My office has been stuck down by some stupid virus from our sister company using the same network and they are all like "it's you guys fault", please!! whatever.....

Well anyway my philosophy in life is to enjoy the good times when they come rolling in and that's what has been happening. It was my big cousin's birthday and super cool guy that he is spent the weekend at this sexy beach resort with the Mrs and a bunch of us came to join them the next day for a PARTYYYY.

Oh so many fun things to say!! Where to start!! Okay the resort was far but the journey was straight forward and the highlight of the journey for me was the hub cap falling and spinning of another cousin's car and he didn't even bat an eyelid haha.

We came with the almighty party rice (never goes wrong) and drinks abounding and I just loved the atmosphere. I tell you gazing at the sea and the surf with that wind blowing through your hair, you just feel all your stress blowing away and I'm thinking "I could get seriously used to this"...

I paddled in the sea surf and it was hilarious when a giant wave hit me in the bum and I was wet from the waist down, knickers and everything. I should confess that I only went in the surf once, cos alcohol was soon in my system and I definitely remember all those safety videos from primary school that warned us about drink and water....(did not want to become fish food)

Every need was met, music (by Travis), food by my cousin's, drinks and good conversation. Also had my first canoe ride and was safely wrapped in a life jacket. In my ever so slightly tipsy condition we also had to do some undercover work because the Mrs and so other females had quietly gone ahead to arrange my darling cousin's wedding shower at their house (do try and keep up I have a big family).

So in one fun filled day I had beach fun and surprise wedding shower madness (the poor girl didn't have a clue it was hilarious). It was a great way to start my return home !!
My Dad was in London too, to give away my cousin in marriage. He has already been in England earlier this year for his holidays so please can I ask WHY WON'T HE SHARE THE REMOTE CONTROL ??????? I tell you it was something else, my Mum was thinking of surgically removing the remote from his hands.

Not that he's watching something we can all derive joy from, nnooooooooooooo. It went something like this, 24 hour news, 24 hour news, 24 hour news, any kind of football, any kind of football, any kind of football and then a liberal sprinkling of old movies, which would have been fab but I'm never there when the movie starts so the plot line is out of the window.

The part that really takes the biscuit is when he is out and you manage to sneak in Jack Bauer style and turn on the TV to maybe MTV, or a sitcom, or in my Mum's case put in Nigerian DVD, my Dad comes into the house and makes a fuss of how we are watching rubbish, makes up an errand for you to run for him then when you come back, surprise surprise...the channel has been changed. It was so bad that (brace yourself) I DIDN'T WATCH EASTENDERS DURING MY STAY!!!!

Well my friend came around to visit me one day and it was the rugby world cup, well she lives in halls and i made this song and dance about her being a hard working student and that she needs to be able to relax, that my Dad being uber polite, had no choice but to watch 90 minutes of rugby, a game he cannot stand and to have my mate shouting excitedly and violently and game moves that no one in the house even understood !!!! HAHAHAHAHA
It's annoying init??? First I write that I left and now I'm writing to say that I'm back!!! LOL I will write excerpts from my hols but I flew in two nights ago and it took ages to get my luggage. The flight was FULL, ah my people we can wander around the globe for real!!

I was picked up by this nice guy who does airport runs and my parents are on the phone to him from flipping London telling him to take me to our family house in Apapa instead of going to P's house in Ajah. Why?? Cos of armed robbers terrors of the night etc!!

Now you can't flaunt your security but I JUST WANTED TO GO TO MY FINAL DESTINATION and that does not include stopovers in Apapa and carrying my luggage with me to work AAAARRGGGGGhHH. So my initial phone calls in Lagos included arguing with my Dad, something I hate doing but now find has become a necessity.

Thank God though, we made OK, not counting the time interlude, of looking for P's "friend's" house where she was waiting for me. The babe totally gave me one wrong direction, and I'm knocking at people's gate in the middle of the night scared that an armed man is going to jump at me from out of the bushes LOL.

Anyway, It was nice to go to work the next day cos our MD is not around so there is a certain relaxed air and everyone was so warm and welcoming (also dispensing chocolate and biscuits helps the mood). I came to realise that even though i don't like the company, i do like the people that are in the company :)

Oh I forgot on the flight, i sat next to this lady that had body odour and she was really nice, just also pongy. The worst part is that when she moved a new smell would waft over to my side oh torture!!!! Luckily I had Lord of the Rings, The Twin Towers to keep me busy!! Oh I totally cannot stop loving those films. We are though going to put British Airways in the naughty corner as they served one meal in the whole flight and no snacks, not even a dodgy croissant. Also cheeckily they served 2 meals on the way there, is that not the same amount of time in flying?????