I have a bit of a bad habit.

I can start something but never see it through right to the end.

It's not cool.

So I have a situation where my life is on a stagnant pause. I believe it is a waste of a life. People are dying everyday at every age and I find it hard to be bothered about my own existence. So in the last few days of 31 I am trying to shake myself up a bit.

So if you are one of the hardy few who read this never ending epistle from time to time. You will have to bear with me because as I  force myself to try and change, this will be the medium where all the 'my Lord what were you thinking', will be happening.

You see it has to be here because I tend to 'think out loud' online and I have been told to muzzle myself as it might be unseemly (more on that later). Well yee hah I have a blog!

 So what will I be trying to sort?

Health: I had pneumonia a few years back and that means that I can pick up a random cough and turn it into Godzilla. The weight of my boobies ain't helping my breathing patterns when I'm ill and asleep so the weight really has to go. And stay away! I'm really fat (for real).

Job: Need a new one. Need to make enough time from the current one, to find a new one. I'm bored and I'm broke!

Man: I want one. A good one.

That list is in order of priority. But I'm trying to attack all three at roughly the same time as I find all three feed into one another in one way or another.

So again, if the blog becomes a three trick pony. Just hang in there ;)

July was a 'trying' month. I held off here because I couldn't do with just writing and writing about bad stuff. I have learned a few things though. They include:

  • When next my Mum travels for a month, she can leave either her husband or her son. She can't leave both for me!
  • As a former pneumonia sufferer, I am apparently prone to chest and throat infections and can no longer utter the words, 'it's just a little cough, no need to see the doctor'.
  • If you have loved ones that you don't see often. Appreciate the small times you do get to see them as that could be the last time you see them alive. Next thing you know, you are getting a phone call that a young man who you saw smiling and laughing a year ago is dead. May the soul of my cousin and the souls of the all the faithful departed rest in peace. Eternal life grant them oh Lord and let perpetual light shine on them. May their souls rest in peace, Amen.

My aunty called me and told me she was checking on me because my Dad had said I was really upset over my cousin. Now this is my correct Aunty who calls from Naija all the time so I was really happy to hear from her. She then said from nowhere "I have found your husband! This one I mark 100%"....

Oh dear.

She then preceded to tell me about the guy's Mum who is her in-law and how awesome she is and how fabulous the guy is and how I should play nice. As I type this, I have just realised that I don't even know the guy's name. If past history is anything to go by, this is not going to end well. Don't believe me? OK take a seat dear one and read on...

  • First time I had the unfortunate experience of being hooked up, it was by an over zealous woman who thought that she could score points with my Dad by hooking up his only daughter. She lied to me and asked for my email to send something for my Dad and then proceeded to tell me that there is this guy who works for First Bank in Awka ( I think) and that he would really REALLY like to talk to me. This woman badgered me to death before I agreed. We then swapped emails. Now this was a while ago and I can't remember the details, but later I got an email from the guy asking me what was wrong with me. Why would a young woman in London be looking for a guy in Nigeria? Was I ugly or desperate? I swear this is the truth! I finished this guy eh, then turned my wrath on the woman and reported her to my Dad too. I'm sure I blogged about it and if I find the link I will add.

  • Second time I was sitting with my bestie at home one evening when my mobile phone just rang. I said hello, and then a guy speaking in the purest old school Igbo that would make village men sound like Prince Charles introduced himself to me, that he was from so so and so village and that my Aunty Oby gave him my number to introduce himself. Now I only have two Oby's in my family. One is my cousin (near my age) and the second one is my uncle's wife in Birmingham and in a million years she would never give out my number. SO I was baffled. He said his father also knew my Dad. So as politely as possible (cos I was sure I was speaking to a 60 yr old man) I told him to get more information from his Dad before I could speak to him. This guy kept calling and the more he called, the more 'Igbotic' he sounded. He also told me that he was a cleaner and he had no papers. At this point, I smelt a rat as he said he was happy being a cleaner. No Nigerian man could EVER say that. I stopped picking up the calls. I later found out that it was my aunty in Nigeria who had changed her name after repenting her former life, that had given my number. I WAS LIVID! I called her sister in London and ranted and raved!!  When I got to Naija for my Grandma's funeral my Aunty was very apologetic, she said she got so carried away that she didn't even think to ask me even though her sister warned her I wouldn't like it. I then said to her but what kind of Papa are you attaching me to? She was shocked! She told me that the guy was a young man, degree holding British citizen who worked for the UK Border Agency!!!! Let me tell you all, I believe this guy has either a white or West Indian girlfriend who he wants to marry and the Papa did not agree and I was the muppet caught in the middle. I DO NOT LIKE SUCH. If I ever see the guy, I will tell him off so badly because that was just underhanded and mean.

  • Third time, my Dad's cousin told my Mum that his friend in China (yes that's right, China), wanted to get to know me. At this point I told my Mum I don't want oh! my Mum now begged me. So mumu like myself gave my number. At this point I was off sick with laryngitis so with the crazy time difference, the only time he could call was in the afternoon. The conversation would not flow and I was bored. I kept trying to introduce a topic and it would just be monosyllabic answers, but he still kept calling. So when I got better, I told him that I was going back to work so he better give me his Whatsapp or BBM  or Facebook. I wasn't all that bothered to be fair but my uncle kept calling my Mum and harassing me. How can the guy start seriously dodging? Even going so far as to say that his computer was being fixed so he was off Facebook? Muahahahaha! In China you no get smartphone? That was when I signed off trying to be polite. he called one afternoon at work and of course I missed it. That was the end of that. I told my uncle I'm not stupid.

  • Last one shouldn't even get a mention but it is a cautionary tale of the fact that mad people plenty. I have mentioned on this blog before how there was a mad woman stalking me at church. She kept going on and on about her she wanted me to meet her husband's best friend. Can I mention that I did not know her from Eve but as fellow Igbo people in our church we were automatically besties! After dodging her Jack Bauer style for 5 months she finally got me in front of our priest. God is so good, I had my office mobile on me and gave her that number. That's how this dry man from Wales started calling me. Could not hold a single serious conversation. Only kept going on about how he had a Law Masters degree. Awesome! So now what? *silence*. Back in church I told this lady I'm not interested, that is when the full on stalking started. Calling me all the time, coming to different masses to try and get me, even sending her husband to accost me in the church car park. I flipped one day, called him on the phone and told him to tell his wife to back off. This was last September. How can in January she started again. She then told my Mum she was popping in for coffee, lo and behold, in she comes with the guy and her husband. I served them drinks and carried my hand bag and walked out. In all the drinks serving time, Mr Wales didn't once even look at me to say yo. So when I left he asked my Mum for permission to date me! HEHEHEEHHOHOHOHOHOHO. I laugh in Chinese. My Mum told him that that isn't how we operate as I a grown woman who knows my own mind. She was shocked! The look on her face when I got home was priceless! Later she pulled the woman aside and told her to chill. My Mum got angry because the lady had been telling people in our church that I was stringing her along. I had to ask if I was the last Igbo woman in the UK?

So dearly beloved, I have been minding my business and all this wahala has been at my door. It may actually be beneficial to my health to find a significant other so people can leave me alone. You can see why I am about to hide behind the couch until this wave of hook ups pass!

Please ladies has this happened to you? Guys too, are you in the danger zone?

Stay delightful xx 

Give me pills in my hand keep me working
Give me pills in my hand I pray.
Give me pills in my hand keep me working,
Keep me working 'til the pain goes away!

Sing Panadol!
Sing Nurofen!
Sing Co-drydramol if bad!

Sing Panadol!
Sing Nurofen!
Sing Co-drydramoooolllll.

I thought we ladies could do with a laugh  :)

CaramelD 2013
You all are just going to have to bear with me because I think I'm cracking up. I'm experiencing what might be a mini panic attack. I was fine when I got up this morning but I walked into work, got one email and I just lost it. I can't hide it any more, not even from myself. I have to leave my job.

Good Lord I feel like I'm suffocating. I don't want to be here any more. Right now, I'm at my desk and half the team are at a meeting and our two designers are across the room and I'm hoping they don't come over because they will see that I'm tearing up. I can't call my friends because if I do I will full scale start crying.

I haven't been full on with my applications and the ones I did send I didn't get any follow through from. I'm going to have to stop everything and pour all my energies into finding a new position. Forget what you heard, this woman can't multi-task. There are so many 'sort myself' projects I'm on and quite frankly it's looking quite shit.

My reaction today is really shocking me. I'm pressing my feet into ground to stop myself walking out because even if I go for a walk, I might not come back. If it has reached like this, then it's time to go. I have been dedicating so much time trying to help my brother meanwhile my Dad is here meant to be helping out but all I can see is someone adding to my work load. Well I'm done with that for now, anyhow my folks want to raise their son, they can carry go.

I'm so stressed, my face is covered in red spots and my period has vanished (again)! I am TRYING to relax, I went to Zurich and it was awesome and I and my cousins want to do mini breaks all summer in Britain but all the good these trips do are vaporised in the heat of my everyday life.

It also takes so much energy to put a calm exterior and be all professional and crap. Just breathe it out. Lord Jesus!

A very close member of my family is currently dealing with the fact that her marriage is probably about to break down. Her husband wants out and he wants out now. Now I'm normally don't blog about stuff like this and this is not the first early marriage wahala I am seeing but this news has me shaken to the core.


Because the reasons he has given are beyond madness. These are not deep complex reasons or 'normal' marital problems you have come across before. Nope. Why he wants to leave are because of the very basic needs she has asked of him which he feels are 'unfair' and 'controlling'.  I don't want to go into detail but the office equivalent would be someone quitting because their colleague asked them to reply emails and attend meetings. The reasons are so rubbish, that you find yourself wishing it was another woman as that would make way more sense. I'm not even sure if he knows what a marriage is!!!!

This issue has been simmering for a few months and is only coming to a full boil now and recently they had a full and frank discussion where he stated his problems. When I heard what they were, there and then on the train platform I shed a few tears. Tears of abject disappointment.

This is a man I respect and admire. He has been in our lives for nine years, three of those marriage. I rate him as a competent and well read individual so all this has baffled and shaken me to the core which is why I am writing about it.

I watched as they dated and stood by each other through tempests and storms from outside their relationship that would have broke most people up. So when, with family and friends present, they signed that marriage contract I was sure in my bones that this was one for the ages. Seeing the husband do the complete 180 has driven fear into me.

How can you place your life in someone's care to have them come and completely mess it up from beginning to end. I now have a very serious respect for anyone getting married because the gamble is huge! I have always wanted to be part of a unit and to build a loving family with a yet unknown man but now, I have to take a deep breath and make sure that I know what I am getting myself into. The rewards are amazing but the losses (if there are any) can be heart breaking.

From the bottom of my heart I ask anyone reading this blog who has not yet married but wishes to do so, please understand what you are signing up for. Make sure you are ready for it. All the highs, lows, and mundane in-betweens. If you believe in God, entrust yourself to Him to always look out for you as well to be the fact checker before you sign that most important of all contracts.


In all honesty today is the first time in two weeks that I have felt like a human being. For what seemed like ages I felt very very claustrophobic as there was not one part of my life I was happy with. Still looking for a job, hurt my leg last month and it will take two months to heal and at home... well! This month makes it a year that my brother has come to live with us in London and he has learning difficulties and a slight disability. Integrating our life has been very difficult and I feel like I am now co-parenting. My anger stems from the fact that my Dad has been in Nigeria for most of the time and I see no plausible reason why he should be there when he is retired and his entire family is here and needs help.

So I was turning into a massive ball of hurt and resentment which lead to me being depressed.

On Sunday though while in church, I had to laugh at myself. Why was I carrying the entire weight of the world on my shoulders when I can offload every SINGLE thing to Jesus? My strength pass His own? Nope! It was all very silly. I had faith and was not putting it into action. I just got on my knees and re-dedicated every single aspect of my life to God and just let go.

Nothing more, nothing less.

I can't age myself before my time! I was actually crying every other day! No, no, no, no. That is not what I was put on this earth for. Life will always have challenges but I have to rethink how I handle it before I self implode.

So a whole bunch of doctor visits later, I ended up at home for a week in a uniform of headscarf, dodgy dresses and no bra. I kept falling asleep (didn't realize how tired I was) and when I wasn't sleeping I helped out for school run and other random chores.

Currently watching all the craziness going on in Boston and I hope everyone stays in their house like the police have asked. What a week it has been. May the souls of all lost in the Boston bomb blast and shootout and the warehouse explosion in Texas rest in peace.


PS I'm going to do something crazy and report myself here later! Watch this space ;)

Stay delightful xx

So see how I have been dodging writing. I have been dodging writing because I never lie about what is going on in my life on this page. I feel it is quite sacred. So when all I think I have to report is negative and sad, I vanish.

Last post was two months ago. Ouch.

I don't want to be the girl with the long face so I shall face this blank piece of paper and think of something good to report. BY FORCE.

Aha! I have paid for my car insurance and I am now on the road! Vroom vroom! Road trip anyone? I drove the family to church and back and got stuck trying to do a three point on our sloping road in my Mum's car. My brother now piped up from the back something along the lines of I must not have been listening very well during my driving lessons! Cheeky cow!

I'm going to Switzerland in May and I'm super excited. I have never been and I love that I can add a new country to my travel list. I really hope it is warm by the time we get their to celebrate my cousin's birthday. I have had enough cold to last a life time!!!

Wow. Should it be this hard? This can't be good.

Kidnappers kidnapped my cousin and he got away from the car boot where they had put him! God is good! This has really shocked us and it happened on our doorstep. My Mum has now laid down the law. When we travel we cannot tell anyone. Just turn up! Whether we like it or not, information given to kidnappers more often than not comes from people you know. Oh wahala too much!

Job searching has ground to a halt and I know my friends are giving me the evil eye for not getting on with it. I tell you for someone who represents a brand for a living, who knew it was so horrible to represent yourself?

OK, we are veering off into complaining territory.

Since, quite alarmingly, I can't think of more good news to report. Let me use this opportunity to tell you about the3six5ng. In my words, I like to think of it as a great big diary with each day written by a different person. So you pick a day and in 365 words tell us what your day has been like with a picture attached. Voila. That's all. It started at the beginning of March and so far it has been such a wonderful experience  Nothing is too mundane or silly or random. We have had hospital trips, yoga lessons, radio producers  stressed mums, jazz clubs, Lagos traffic and tea and cake. All in all it is a treat to experience someone else's life for a little while. I have been trying to get a few people involved but I think they think it is harder than it actually is. They need contributors though so pleaseeeee have a look and put your name down. You won't be sorry! If you have any questions, let me know!

RIP Chinua Achebe, one more Nigerian hero gone when we have so few to begin with.

Lunch break over.

Stay delightful xx


If you didn't read about my 'interesting' summer romance and the subsequent break up, then please read part one and part two for this post to make sense.

Around November I got a whatsapp message from the dude saying 'hello'. I was rushing at work and just deleted it without a thought. Then around Christmas time I got a 'Merry Christmas'  message and that's when I seriously realised that he was trying to start up a conversation. I was seriously baffled. As in my non-existent eyebrows went up to my hairline. All I could think about was that I had to learn how to block people  on whatsapp, but again it was rush rush rush in the kitchen and I didn't pay it any mind.

When I finally made it to the a tiny little village in Somerset with my girls for a little holiday (pictures coming soon), I got the the first line of the message (I was doing a miniature hike) and only remembered to reply the  next day. The following conversation ensued.......

2/1/2013 15:26: Him: Its a new year, and a time for a fresh start, can we be friends?
3/1/2013 21:12: Me: Hi, I wish you no ill will but no we can't be friends.
3/1/2013 21:14: Him: Then u DO wish me ill will
3/1/2013 21:15: Him: And it says to me, that u don't have a forgiving heart
3/1/2013 21:15: Him: But thanks for responding at least
3/1/2013 21:15: Him: That is better than the rudeness of ignoring me
3/1/2013 21:23: Me: Actually, no it doesn't but feel free to interpret it how you see fit... Certain that there isn't any form of friendship that you could offer, that I'd be interested in. In the interests of civility let's start as we mean to go on with no further conversation.
3/1/2013 21:46: Him: How u can be certain of that, without knowing the future of having any ill will against me, is a wonder. However, I have no intention of imposing my friendship on u. I just felt that as it is a new year, let all old things pass, besides whatever, we did like each other and got on well enough. I won't bother u again.

Now my question is this....

Doesn't he realise that he is one of the 'old things' that have to pass in 2012. After  how this dude behaved towards me and his own admissions that he was faking his behaviour with me, exactly how are we meant to be friends? After that last phone conversation we had in when we broke up, I seriously had chills. I thought to myself, all may not be OK with this bloke oh. The deluded arrogance of it all just baffles me!

Shebi he was looking for girls to have sex with asap? Oya go and find them now. Why are you looking here? Hmm. Wonders shall never cease.


A helicopter went down during rush hour near my part of the city this morning, killing two people and placing eleven people in hospital. May the souls of the departed rest in peace and may those in hospital have a full recovery. When you leave your house in the morning and get back safely at night everyday, it really is a mini miracle.

Stay delightful people xx

A five year old me for a five year old blog :)

My blog turned five last June and I didn't celebrate it which was very naughty. It was a rough time in the year and I let it slide, but better late than never! Can you believe I have been yapping my mouth for five years! Whaaat?! That's crazy.

When I started blogging I had just moved to Nigeria for NYSC and I was so adrift. I was miserable because I felt my Dad had forced my hand and had rushed me home when I wasn't ready and quite broke! I was also terribly homesick for London and missed my then object of my affection, my friends and my ordered life. 

It was Sirius who got me into blogging. She was my land lady/ride and die/partner in crime at the time and she used to read blogs and told me to start writing for my own mental health and the lady was right! I also had something to write about because life was just that delicious and crazy. I called my blog 'The Diary of a Lost One' because truly that is how I felt. Not one single external person read my blog then, just Sirius and two of our friends  in Lagos but it didn't matter because it was just so darn therapeutic. I started getting blog traffic when Sirius' new friend *ahem* and future husband, Freaksho linked my url on his blog roll. From then I got linked into this new world and I loved it!! 

Five years have passed and honestly I don't feel lost any more. God knows I still don't have all the answers and I'm making my way in the world but I feel empowered and in control of my life so I believe this new year is a good time to say good bye to the lost one and hello to grown up me :)

My new url is now (but it is the same site) and my blog has been renamed Miss Caramel's Diary. If you still type in it will re-direct you but I would be very grateful if you changed my name on your blog roll to usher in the New Year and celebrate my five years. Come and join the madness, there is plenty Fanta and chin chin for everyone!

All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost.

God bless!

Stay delightful xxx
First a little hymn.....

The steadfast love of the Lord never ages
His mercies never come to an end!
They are new every morning,
New every morning,
Great is thy faithfulness oh Lord!
Great is thy faithfulness!

Happy New Year lovely people! I hope this year finds you fit and healthy and ready to tackle the year. The above hymn was what I was singing while I took my driving test in the pouring rain and I passed!!! Hurrah! Praise the Lord! It was a long time coming and I'm super thrilled. How did my Mum celebrate? She took off her wig and repeatedly threw it in the air. I'm not lying!

Another point of thanksgiving is that even though kidnappers took our in-law from the front of his house in Enugu, he was returned unharmed a few days later! I was so petrified, my knees were shaking. With kidnapping incidents it can all go terrible wrong and I want to thank God that he was safely returned to his family as a lot of people are not so fortunate. 

My family friend was stabbed and by a gang of black boys at a New Years Eve party in Clapham, London. They chased him through the streets and if not for the fact that he is athletic and a good runner, they would have killed him. He has had surgery on his left arm and will need about 18 months healing time as there was extensive nerve damage. On my knees, thanking God as young black boys lives in London can be very cheap.

I don't bother with resolutions, just goal points! My two most pressing ones are financial stability and my continued weight loss. So far I'm 11kg down since mid September and I hope to continue to 30kg by April. I pray that all your goals will come to pass this year. Remember to pray for what you need, not what you want. 

Stay Delightful x