A very close member of my family is currently dealing with the fact that her marriage is probably about to break down. Her husband wants out and he wants out now. Now I'm normally don't blog about stuff like this and this is not the first early marriage wahala I am seeing but this news has me shaken to the core.
Why?
Because the reasons he has given are beyond madness. These are not deep complex reasons or 'normal' marital problems you have come across before. Nope. Why he wants to leave are because of the very basic needs she has asked of him which he feels are 'unfair' and 'controlling'. I don't want to go into detail but the office equivalent would be someone quitting because their colleague asked them to reply emails and attend meetings. The reasons are so rubbish, that you find yourself wishing it was another woman as that would make way more sense. I'm not even sure if he knows what a marriage is!!!!
This issue has been simmering for a few months and is only coming to a full boil now and recently they had a full and frank discussion where he stated his problems. When I heard what they were, there and then on the train platform I shed a few tears. Tears of abject disappointment.
This is a man I respect and admire. He has been in our lives for nine years, three of those marriage. I rate him as a competent and well read individual so all this has baffled and shaken me to the core which is why I am writing about it.
I watched as they dated and stood by each other through tempests and storms from outside their relationship that would have broke most people up. So when, with family and friends present, they signed that marriage contract I was sure in my bones that this was one for the ages. Seeing the husband do the complete 180 has driven fear into me.
How can you place your life in someone's care to have them come and completely mess it up from beginning to end. I now have a very serious respect for anyone getting married because the gamble is huge! I have always wanted to be part of a unit and to build a loving family with a yet unknown man but now, I have to take a deep breath and make sure that I know what I am getting myself into. The rewards are amazing but the losses (if there are any) can be heart breaking.
From the bottom of my heart I ask anyone reading this blog who has not yet married but wishes to do so, please understand what you are signing up for. Make sure you are ready for it. All the highs, lows, and mundane in-betweens. If you believe in God, entrust yourself to Him to always look out for you as well to be the fact checker before you sign that most important of all contracts.
Why?
Because the reasons he has given are beyond madness. These are not deep complex reasons or 'normal' marital problems you have come across before. Nope. Why he wants to leave are because of the very basic needs she has asked of him which he feels are 'unfair' and 'controlling'. I don't want to go into detail but the office equivalent would be someone quitting because their colleague asked them to reply emails and attend meetings. The reasons are so rubbish, that you find yourself wishing it was another woman as that would make way more sense. I'm not even sure if he knows what a marriage is!!!!
This issue has been simmering for a few months and is only coming to a full boil now and recently they had a full and frank discussion where he stated his problems. When I heard what they were, there and then on the train platform I shed a few tears. Tears of abject disappointment.
This is a man I respect and admire. He has been in our lives for nine years, three of those marriage. I rate him as a competent and well read individual so all this has baffled and shaken me to the core which is why I am writing about it.
I watched as they dated and stood by each other through tempests and storms from outside their relationship that would have broke most people up. So when, with family and friends present, they signed that marriage contract I was sure in my bones that this was one for the ages. Seeing the husband do the complete 180 has driven fear into me.
How can you place your life in someone's care to have them come and completely mess it up from beginning to end. I now have a very serious respect for anyone getting married because the gamble is huge! I have always wanted to be part of a unit and to build a loving family with a yet unknown man but now, I have to take a deep breath and make sure that I know what I am getting myself into. The rewards are amazing but the losses (if there are any) can be heart breaking.
From the bottom of my heart I ask anyone reading this blog who has not yet married but wishes to do so, please understand what you are signing up for. Make sure you are ready for it. All the highs, lows, and mundane in-betweens. If you believe in God, entrust yourself to Him to always look out for you as well to be the fact checker before you sign that most important of all contracts.
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I pray the guy stops in his tracks and rethinks.
It's shocking the number of people out there who do not put in a 100% into their marriages.
9 years is quite a long time to throw away.
It almost seems like there a lot more to him wanting out by all means
*Sad*
I feel that there might be more to it than the reasons he has given. 9 years is a long time and to give all that up for non essentials and NOW NOW is very suspiciouso...
Then again, it's sometimes the little things that drives people to make some decisions.
I hope he thinks things through before making his decision. I pray for grace and wisdom for the both of them.
I wonder is marriage is really all that it's made to be and worth the hassle? :-(
he may be hiding behind these petty reasons and have other reasons (like another woman) for wanting out
I'm with Doll on this one. I can't even imagine how your family is taking it :(
@ Sirius, even if he re-thinks she is so wary that I don't know if she will be able to trust him again as he has been threatening to leave since last year.
@LTAL,your last question is what I have been thinking about as well. The enormity of how your spouse can switch on you has really brought this all home for me. It is serious food for thought.
@Doll, As nuts as it may sound, another woman would actually make more sense. That is a path more widely walked and wouldn't make you out to be delusionally selfish which is the vibe I'm getting now.
@Toin, we are all worried about her, she is always the one to stand up for other people and help you out when you are in a pinch, so to see her like this is breaking my heart.
Can only hope dude gets his head sorted and doesn't gro through with what is clearly a big mistake.. Funny thing though is when the mind is made up, we all find reasons to rationalise even the most absurd of decisions.. :(
i can somehow feel you
cos i've seen marriages break down over the filmsiest excuses
people dont get it that being unmarried doesnt faze me
its bcos i've seen people do a complete 180 in mere months that scares me shitless....
i'm sorry to hear about your relative but i wish her God's will.......
As mundane as the issues may seem they really may be a constant source of stress to him. It also like everyone else has pointed out maybe something else actually bothering him.
Hope things eventually get sorted for both of them so sad for anyone to be in a strained marriage
@The Rust Geek, I can't say what is going to happen but only he knows how he has rationalised this one.
@Ibiluv, My eyes have just started opening recently oh. I wish her God's will too.
@Fluffycutething, it's all so subjective. You can only think on what they have said with their mouth. Who knows what else lurks underneath? I tire oh.
What some of us havent seem to grasp is that marriage is a shitload of work and responsibilities. I kid you not. Responible for your immediate and extended family. But esp the immediate: wife and kids. Provide for and protect them. A man that woke up one day and asked a woman to be his wife should be fully aware of what he's getting into. That he wants out now because of these basics is beyond madness. Unless he's saying he's never gonna marry again, there's more to this than he's letting on!
Realities of our present world.
I, would readily support the prenup agreement.
It has sadly now become a case of "Trust God but lock your car".
smh
The multitude sympathize with her o. :-(
*sigh* this marriage of a thing is so scary.
My mother keeps ringing in my ears how much men change......but after 9yrs of being together? I don't know again.
yeah, I think there's another woman. When your partner (male and female are guilty) suddenly starts talking about the way you do certain things, there is someone they have found to compare you to. And honestly, as long as they're wearing those other person coloured glasses, there is nothing you can do.
Marriage is not for the faint-hearted. Shouldn't be entered into lightly. Know exactly what you're doing and be sure of your reasons. (WE all have a version of what the "right" reason is.)
Something is wrong somewhere, this so sad, 9years gone just like that...this is just sad
We can all but pray and hope. No one ever really knows how their marriage is going to end up/turn out. We all hope for the best and pray that we're strong enough to withstand the challenges. Marriage is as unpredictable as life itself.
It is sad and I empathize with her.:-(
Marriage is a real eye opener....doesn't marry how long you've known each other or dated, marriage is a whole new ball game...the beginning of actually knowing each other...i know a lot of Nigerian women wont agree with me but sometimes it's better to let them go!
Marriage is a real eye opener....doesn't matter how long you've known each other or dated, marriage is a whole new ball game...the beginning of actually knowing each other...i know a lot of Nigerian women wont agree with me but sometimes it's better to let them go!