In all honesty today is the first time in two weeks that I have felt like a human being. For what seemed like ages I felt very very claustrophobic as there was not one part of my life I was happy with. Still looking for a job, hurt my leg last month and it will take two months to heal and at home... well! This month makes it a year that my brother has come to live with us in London and he has learning difficulties and a slight disability. Integrating our life has been very difficult and I feel like I am now co-parenting. My anger stems from the fact that my Dad has been in Nigeria for most of the time and I see no plausible reason why he should be there when he is retired and his entire family is here and needs help.

So I was turning into a massive ball of hurt and resentment which lead to me being depressed.

On Sunday though while in church, I had to laugh at myself. Why was I carrying the entire weight of the world on my shoulders when I can offload every SINGLE thing to Jesus? My strength pass His own? Nope! It was all very silly. I had faith and was not putting it into action. I just got on my knees and re-dedicated every single aspect of my life to God and just let go.

Nothing more, nothing less.

I can't age myself before my time! I was actually crying every other day! No, no, no, no. That is not what I was put on this earth for. Life will always have challenges but I have to rethink how I handle it before I self implode.

So a whole bunch of doctor visits later, I ended up at home for a week in a uniform of headscarf, dodgy dresses and no bra. I kept falling asleep (didn't realize how tired I was) and when I wasn't sleeping I helped out for school run and other random chores.

Currently watching all the craziness going on in Boston and I hope everyone stays in their house like the police have asked. What a week it has been. May the souls of all lost in the Boston bomb blast and shootout and the warehouse explosion in Texas rest in peace.


PS I'm going to do something crazy and report myself here later! Watch this space ;)

Stay delightful xx

7 Responses
  1. oluSimeon Says:

    (((HUGS))) Caramel.
    Tell it to God and trust Him.

  2. CaramelD Says:

    Thank you Olu, I will and I do.

  3. Toinlicious Says:

    You'll be fine *hugs*

  4. CaramelD Says:

    @The Rust Geek I am, promise :)

    @Toinlicious, Long time! *waving frantically*

  5. incoherent Says:

    you and your bra-lessness sha.....

  6. Anonymous Says:

    Hi Caramel: Just a note to say I am sorry that I have not been following you life. Girl, we need to talk. This stress in your life is avoidable but you have to take the first step.