Hey get this, I have Internet on the last day of the year which means I can squeeze in one more entry before the New Year !!!!! Yeah for me !!!!

I am in Lagos even though I am meant to be living it up in my hometown (I am very serious as I write this). I rushed down to Lagos after there were very persistent rumours about an NYSC head count. Very narky these things!! Basically you turn up, they give you your allowance in cash instead of bank deposit and then you sign your name, then those who weren't there have to give a serious excuse why you were out of state/country. Something along the lines of (my leg was chopped off by a rabid dog).

So I left my stuff in my hometown and ran down for a couple of days only to find that THERE WAS NO HEAD COUNT!!! What there was though were two queries from work about why I was absent on the 24th and 27th (silly cows) so I am now back at work to make sure they don't find an excuse to mess up my last days as a corper!!!

So much to tell you and I promise I will but for now let's thank God and party hard we made it at the end of one year and we are good to go for another!!!

In the words of Pink, I'm not dead! Really it's a case of not having time or Internet access. I wish I had my blog attached permanently to my brain. I find that I need this site more than ever in my life! I am being overtaken by events and I couldn't type fast enough to recount everything that has happened this month!

December 2007 will always be the month that I grew up sharp sharp! I have joy, toughness, tears, sleepless nights and I have found that I am not doe eyed as I thought! The main lesson for the month though is not to rush into anything, take your time and evaluate the situation ladies and gentlemen, you won't be sorry you did.

Can you imagine though? It's the end of the flipping year. I remember when I first came and how sad I was, wishing for the months to past, rejoicing when a new calendar page was torn off, wondering if this country and I were going to ever have a calm relationship..... Now it is the end of the year and I have amassed a few things:

• New fantastic friends I hope to have in my life always
• Four serious bouts of illness (bloody tropics)
• Tougher attitude
• A love of hankies (handles the dust and heat)
• New found knowledge that I am able to attract non-idiots and non-psychos
• New found knowledge of stocks and investments (courtesy of the job)
• New found knowledge of MEN (my eye has opened!!)

HA! It is also time to head east to my hometown, I catching a ride with my big cousin. Bring on the family visits, numerous weddings and THE TALK with my Dad. Hmmmmm

Unfortunately I'm leaving behind a la boyfriend as I head home for the holidays. The problem is that the separation is coming after our first fracas and already I wonder if I feel as cherished as I was promised to be. We'll see, won't we ? It's all a learning curve and I'm a sharp student :0)

Wishing all who read this (the five of you) a blessed and happy Christmas. Who knows I might be able to get my hands on the web , if not I'll catch you all in the New Year !!!

Hey does anyone know how many times I have tried to write this post ? 5 times !!! 5 times!!!

What happens is that I start then I get really mushy, then I try and read it back and I swear it's making no sense!! Haba !!! So much for writing skills , my Masters in Communication ain't looking too good right now.

So what now? I'm trying to impart information for memories and fortitude but can't get past two lines or so! So I decided to go old school on myself. Time for some of that British stiff upper lip, if I impart the basics then maybe I can get a grip on myself, so here goes:-

• Name :- Baby/Sweetheart
• Age:- Nearly 28
• Nationality:- Naija
• Job:- Graphic designer (and a very good one too!)
• Personality:- Stubborn, kind, warm, caring, calm, intense, an absolute sweetie (OK I'm gushing again)
• Looks:- Really tall, cane rows, deep eyes, fit body, sexy smile (I've started again)

Okay you see, I'm not fit to let loose in cyberspace. I'm not sure that he will read this and this might be a good thing as I'm in for a lot of teasing from my friends that read my blog as it is :0)

Aha! I have conquered the initial introduction phase without melting into a pool of mush. More to come later in bits but for now I really have to work!!!

Wow, I really do not know where to begin...



It has been so long, blog wise. Well I have been sick, sick, sick, sick. It was the kind of sickness that would make you wonder what the heck is going on with you body. Oh boy basically I had malaria and an upper respiratory infection according to the doctor. When I heard I thought I would be able to handle it but really, I underestimated for sure.

First of all the bloody fever!! I felt like my skin was paper thin and hot. My eyeballs felt dry and rough. I kept sponging myself down but it wouldn't quit. I was popping paracetamol like candy. Then the flipping runny nose and cough!!! Luckily the runny nose stopped after two days but not after non stop blowing of my nose which then resulted in sores! Yeah, I know really sexy.......

I got better though, slowly but surely my body righted itself out with a little TLC. Not from Phoenix, she was sick too (hers was the flu from hell) nope my TLC came from a brand new direction......

• Dancing to ABBA in my underwear.
• Dancing to any song in my underwear.
• Putting on a wrapper and dancing to Igbo music
• Singing along to fab music in the car.
• A fat juicy novel with adventure, murder and romance.
• Fantasy/epic films with swords and battlefields.
• My Mum's Jellof rice/chicken/coleslaw
• Dancing in a night club with shoes that don't hurt but still look sexy
• Chatting on facebook while working in the office
• Agatha Christie's Poirot on TV
• Being checked out by the hot guy you are checking out
• Finding money you didn't know you had

For the first time in a long time, I was the last person to have a bath this morning and one of E's (Phoenix's brother) friends was joining us to go to work. I did not know this as I was in the bathroom and Phoenix did not come in and give me a head's up so I walk out of the bathroom right into the living area thinking that I was alone.

Well heaven help me I was not alone, there was a man in the sitting room and I'm there in my towel, wet and the whole left side of my body indecently clad. Well what can one do? Instead of pegging my sponge on the airer, I just squeaked good morning, and bolted for the bedroom in a blur of blue cotton!!!

Phoenix I'm putting you in the naughty corner!!

This is to honestly declare to all interested parties (ie my unbelieving friends) that I, Caramel Delight, currently of Ajah, Lagos has gotten over Ex Hottie.

This declaration covers all misty eyed trips down memory lane, all sexual comparisons, all stalking of his facebook profile page, all discussions with him or about him on MSN and all playing of particular slow jams that would result in aforementioned trips down memory lane.

I declare these facts to be true as I have had my attention drawn to to other members of the opposite sex and have not thought about him in a while in that way.

This declaration also serves as an order to aforementioned unbelieving friends to stop speculating and start taking me for legendary Lagosian parties so that I, Caramel Delight can start wearing all my previously unloved party clothes.

Signed and Dated :- CaramelD November 23rd 2007

It's raining! It's RAINING!!!!!!!! We are in the middle of November and there is a torrential downpour battering the streets of Lagos, (well at least in my area). It ain't right, we are meant to be starting the Harmattan season, what I should be seeing outside my office window is cold light fog in the morning and dry arid heat for the rest of the day!!!

Instead it is raining, oh dear! Pity the poor people who have happily not been moving around with their umbrellas......

This is a sign, oh people of Nigeria, global warming is not just a thing stupid white people thought about to keep themselves busy. It's affecting us toooooooo. Our seasons are getting out of whack and the farmers are complaining in the newspaper's. But are we listening??

Time to get this off my chest.....

Have you ever felt a type of sexual attraction torwards someone so intense that you actually start to wonder if you are alright?? The sight of them gets all your five senses on overdrive. You feel a kind of slow burn warming it's way through your entire body starting from your tummy and winding it's way through to the very tips of your now tingling fingers.

You can spend countless hours remembering every way your body felt when you were touched and how liquid your previously solid knees went with every kiss. You might be out on the street and their favourite scent on another person instantly triggers happy feelings through your body and it takes you five minutes to actualise realise why you are suddenly so breathless... Has that ever happened to you?

You are at work and even though you are being productive that orange blinking light to tell you that they are online suddenly pushes all proper thought of work away. You smile at every text and every phonecall and count the days and hours till you see them again, to be part of that smile, that hug, that kiss......Has that ever happened to you?

You that had always been so sensible, are suddenly in the grip of this wickedly naughty attitude. Outfits are bought and pondered over, things that didn't matter like perfume and underwear suddenly take on massive importance. You find yourself flirting outragously, thinking and planning things to bring them to their knees and loving the sexual power you have over them, a power they happily submit to......Has that ever happened to you?

It happened to me and I knew that there were no gurantees, I knew it wasn't solid but I didn't care. I felt great and fabulous. For so long I hadn't be moved by anyone, was starting to wonder if I was alright, so when the electricityy started buzzing (unexpectedly) I was intrigued.

It ended when I came to Nigeria and I was trying to be grown up about it (it worked sometimes !) Then an emergency re-established contact and then I knew I was in trouble. Platonic conversations soon took the turn of 'do you remember that time?' and then the flirting etc etc.

My resolutions to keep some distance would only stand for a while and then crumble. When I knew I was going to London for a little while, at the back of my head was that little voice, ' you know you want to see him again don't you' and there was no denying it, I did and apparently the feeling was reciprocated.

In London it was like a Comedy of Errors, time was suddenly in short demand and any plans we made were messed up by Fate and let me tell you unlike the movies, there was no happy ending, we were never left alone for more than three seconds. As I packed my bags getting to return to Nigeria, a horrible but serious thought slowly made its way into my mind... What if all the real work was on my side alone, what if all those conversations were merely a form of entertainment, oh Lord what if he's just humouring me and I can't see it!!

I couldn't even ask him if I was right because that would be a showing a vulnerability that would be too costly to my pride to show. So I smiled my fake smiles and came back to Nigeria determined to MOVE THE FUCK ON FOR THE LOVE OF MY SANITY. I have been trying, really I have and it was going just fine and dandy la la la etc..... If it is going just fine and dandy it shouldn't matter to me that he has new girlfriend who is just amazing and lovely and fabulous, should it ??????

I know I'll be fine soon, I don't stay down for long but for now I need a Lord of the Rings three part DVD box set, a new hair style, chocolate, Grease movie soundtrack, new outfit, etc etc etc

TO give you an example of the friends I roll with, read on.....

As my office is on the way home, Phoenix always picks me up and we go home together with her brother who also woks nearby. A couple of nights ago, she picked me up in her office car as Travis had gone to Abuja on a business trip and she was going to drop it at his house.

The poor darling was in the throes of dodgy flu and chest infection so her favourite best friend right now was tissue. When we arrived at Travis' house, she parked the car and got out. Out comes a mighty sneeze and in goes the car keys into the gutter!!!!!

So I'm all " no one panic I'll go and call security. Miss I'm Sick just tells me to help her get her phone cos it has a light. Before I can blink, she has LIFTED the paving slab that covers the gutter and moved it to one side!!! Then she gets on her knees and like a surgeon she asks for a hanger!! I'm thinking, what the hell needs hanging now?? What she wants was the wire hanger in the car which Travis uses for his suit jacket.

Well with me holding the light, she unbends it and proceeds to use it as a fishing line to hook out the partially submerged keys. I get some bottled water in the car and use it to rinse out her hands and keys then we put the slightly pongy keys in an old envelope and she proceeds to put the slab back in place and we both sashay out of the estate!!!!

JOB DONE!!!

I love my body but sometimes it really stumps me. THAT time of the month is approaching and my boobs are huge, I mean I was walking around in the office and I tell you I had to go and wear my suit jacket because I thought it was getting just a bit ridiculous. So I'm walking around in my suit jacket and people think I'm just feeling corporate, not knowing that I'm trying to reduce my porn star audition chest!!

Don't even get me started on my tummy, I feel like that I'm in my 1st trimester. All this is not sexy talk I know but someone has to vent for the ladies!!!

Thank God that at least my face is under control, so this month no appearance of that one evil spot that lands on the most conspicuous part of your face when you have that important meeting/date/wedding etc.....

• My cousin's short wedding dress absolutely stole the show this week and she wins Hot Bride of the Year 2007.
• My Youth Service khaki trousers are shrinking at an alarming rate.
• I'm getting bigger hips, chest and bum.
• I'm sleepy at one in the afternoon.
• I'm tired of uploading pictures on Facebook and I haven't even cracked the surface.
• I've been in Lagos roughly 10 months and I don't fancy anyone.. the one guy that did spark an interest is off limits.
• I need more vitamins in my diet.
• I'm serioulsy broke.
• One of my older, married, male clients has started hitting on me, ewww.
• I want to go to the cinema and see Stardust.
• I need to do laundry.

Soooooorrrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyyyyyyy, I really am . If you could see me typing you would see my sad face and not be angry at me anymore. I know that it has been ages but I'm telling you there is no Internet in my life. Well no daily access anyway. My office has been stuck down by some stupid virus from our sister company using the same network and they are all like "it's you guys fault", please!! whatever.....

Well anyway my philosophy in life is to enjoy the good times when they come rolling in and that's what has been happening. It was my big cousin's birthday and super cool guy that he is spent the weekend at this sexy beach resort with the Mrs and a bunch of us came to join them the next day for a PARTYYYY.

Oh so many fun things to say!! Where to start!! Okay the resort was far but the journey was straight forward and the highlight of the journey for me was the hub cap falling and spinning of another cousin's car and he didn't even bat an eyelid haha.

We came with the almighty party rice (never goes wrong) and drinks abounding and I just loved the atmosphere. I tell you gazing at the sea and the surf with that wind blowing through your hair, you just feel all your stress blowing away and I'm thinking "I could get seriously used to this"...

I paddled in the sea surf and it was hilarious when a giant wave hit me in the bum and I was wet from the waist down, knickers and everything. I should confess that I only went in the surf once, cos alcohol was soon in my system and I definitely remember all those safety videos from primary school that warned us about drink and water....(did not want to become fish food)

Every need was met, music (by Travis), food by my cousin's, drinks and good conversation. Also had my first canoe ride and was safely wrapped in a life jacket. In my ever so slightly tipsy condition we also had to do some undercover work because the Mrs and so other females had quietly gone ahead to arrange my darling cousin's wedding shower at their house (do try and keep up I have a big family).

So in one fun filled day I had beach fun and surprise wedding shower madness (the poor girl didn't have a clue it was hilarious). It was a great way to start my return home !!

My Dad was in London too, to give away my cousin in marriage. He has already been in England earlier this year for his holidays so please can I ask WHY WON'T HE SHARE THE REMOTE CONTROL ??????? I tell you it was something else, my Mum was thinking of surgically removing the remote from his hands.

Not that he's watching something we can all derive joy from, nnooooooooooooo. It went something like this, 24 hour news, 24 hour news, 24 hour news, any kind of football, any kind of football, any kind of football and then a liberal sprinkling of old movies, which would have been fab but I'm never there when the movie starts so the plot line is out of the window.

The part that really takes the biscuit is when he is out and you manage to sneak in Jack Bauer style and turn on the TV to maybe MTV, or a sitcom, or in my Mum's case put in Nigerian DVD, my Dad comes into the house and makes a fuss of how we are watching rubbish, makes up an errand for you to run for him then when you come back, surprise surprise...the channel has been changed. It was so bad that (brace yourself) I DIDN'T WATCH EASTENDERS DURING MY STAY!!!!

Well my friend came around to visit me one day and it was the rugby world cup, well she lives in halls and i made this song and dance about her being a hard working student and that she needs to be able to relax, that my Dad being uber polite, had no choice but to watch 90 minutes of rugby, a game he cannot stand and to have my mate shouting excitedly and violently and game moves that no one in the house even understood !!!! HAHAHAHAHA

It's annoying init??? First I write that I left and now I'm writing to say that I'm back!!! LOL I will write excerpts from my hols but I flew in two nights ago and it took ages to get my luggage. The flight was FULL, ah my people we can wander around the globe for real!!

I was picked up by this nice guy who does airport runs and my parents are on the phone to him from flipping London telling him to take me to our family house in Apapa instead of going to P's house in Ajah. Why?? Cos of armed robbers terrors of the night etc!!

Now you can't flaunt your security but I JUST WANTED TO GO TO MY FINAL DESTINATION and that does not include stopovers in Apapa and carrying my luggage with me to work AAAARRGGGGGhHH. So my initial phone calls in Lagos included arguing with my Dad, something I hate doing but now find has become a necessity.

Thank God though, we made OK, not counting the time interlude, of looking for P's "friend's" house where she was waiting for me. The babe totally gave me one wrong direction, and I'm knocking at people's gate in the middle of the night scared that an armed man is going to jump at me from out of the bushes LOL.

Anyway, It was nice to go to work the next day cos our MD is not around so there is a certain relaxed air and everyone was so warm and welcoming (also dispensing chocolate and biscuits helps the mood). I came to realise that even though i don't like the company, i do like the people that are in the company :)

Oh I forgot on the flight, i sat next to this lady that had body odour and she was really nice, just also pongy. The worst part is that when she moved a new smell would waft over to my side oh torture!!!! Luckily I had Lord of the Rings, The Twin Towers to keep me busy!! Oh I totally cannot stop loving those films. We are though going to put British Airways in the naughty corner as they served one meal in the whole flight and no snacks, not even a dodgy croissant. Also cheeckily they served 2 meals on the way there, is that not the same amount of time in flying?????

If you are among the blessed few that actually read my blog, then I most apologise for my absence. I have been visiting home for two weeks and it has been hectic. By hectic I mean "really where has my fourteen days gone?" and by home I mean London.

For my patriotic Nigerians who might want to beat me up, I ask that you no vex!! I really was home, the type that is different from my home town in Nigeria. I mean the home that has been part and parcel of your life experience and where every bus stop, restaurant and corner shop has a memory.
When we drove in from the airport I was in love all over again looking at the trees in Autumn, the red buses and even my local Sainsburys!!!!

I have been here for two weeks with no Internet in the house cos my Mum took it off when I left for Naija so no available surfing. Also really there is no way that I'm blogging in my local Internet cafe where anyone can streeeeeeeetttttcccccccchhhhhhh their neck and do loookie loookie.

My hols are over and I'm back Naija style tommorow, but the gist and the bitching and rejoicing is plenty and I will be venting very soon...........

Well well well, Pooh Bear doesn't want to be called Pooh Bear anymore (being typed with sulky face). Apparently he feels that the name strips him of his masculinity and virility!! It wouldn't even help if I assured cyberspace that in the flesh he is gorgeous and manly and cool and a whole powder keg of testosterone!! Nope the man is stubborn and has asked me to changed it since I said it was their choice.

Whatever, when I mentioned that I was writing a blog and that did my mates want anonymous names or their own, he wasn't even listening. Now he is an avid reader and I ain't getting no peace. So in the name of democracy and interactiveness Pooh Bear is now..... TRAVIS (tell the truth Pooh Bear is better right??)

Want to use this medium to say a belated HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

Thank you for understanding that I had to miss your party over the weekend cos of our bereavement and I owe you a serious drink (or two, or three, look who's counting ?)

My Uncle died on Saturday and it hurts because it represents not just the loss of a good man but the disappearance of a stellar generation. They're not that much left and I know it is the passing of an age.

I remember when I was sixteen and my cousin wanted to hold a party over Christmas and we realised that my late Uncle's house was the best place because it had wide spaces and gorgeous wooden floors. So I was dispatched (as the girl) to go and ask permission. With trepidation I went to him and my Auntie (at a family wedding) and asked with no hope if we could invade their house at their inconvenience and have a party. We the smile of someone who has had teenage children he just said ok but try and leave the walls standing if you can!!

I was amazed because let me tell you I know A LOT of people who would have said "are you crazy??", but he was cool like that. I never saw him in action as a High Court judge but as an Uncle you happily gave him respect.....

With these thoughts in my head I hurt and tried to sort my thoughts out over the weekend but I just was not in the best place to do so, but now as I stare at my screen I realise that all that matters is that may he rest in peace, Amen and may his family take comfort in their memories of him.

Last weekend I went up to my hometown to spend some quality time with my family as had a Public Holiday on Monday. Now my Dad's family is polygamous as my Grandad, a king decided to fill his royal household with roughly 20 wives. Anyway when I got in I went to greet those who were around and the general consensus was that I was looking so glowly and lovely and delicious! Great right? Yeah it would have been if that didn't lead to the comment of "why on earth are you not yet married?"



Now for the record I am the poster child for single women everywhere. I have never been in a serious relationship and to be fair that didn't really ping on my radar till I had finished university (guess I was too busy loving uni), but anyway a favourite pastime for those around me in Nigeria this year is to guess why I am still single. Brace yourself, Nigerians are not known for their subtlety...

1. I'm fat ... (this from my Mum. I would love to tell her that the last man to have his hands on my body loved it. But I can't say that she would have a heart attack)


2. I'm too nice... (from a very cool mate, so maybe I should listen but really what am I meant to do, walk around in a PVC catsuit and a whip????)


3. I'm too nice, part 2..(from a mate who pointed out that I'm such a cool friend that guys get too comfortable and don't want to think about me as anything else!!)


4. I'm too smart..(apparently I awe people with my use of the English language and computer skills at work ! Hahahaha really my computer levels are nothing special and quite frankly I'm not walking around an investment house saying things like 'watcha???', 'aiight?' and 'Am I boovverrreedd?' just to mix up a little slang in my vocabulary.

The final one though that I heard last week and that I have heard from different sources is that i look too expensive !!!!! I mean really !!! This is the last straw! Apparently I look too expensive and that makes guys think that if they approach me they would have nothing to offer etc etc etc.

As we say in Lagos "Na wah oh !! See me see trouble!!". I'm just walking around minding my own business in my lovely high street clothes, which quite frankly mostly originate from Primark and people are acting like I have designer gear on !!!

Well this actually bothered me for a while you know, because while I have been in Nigeria these past 9 months stuff happened that gave me an inkling that people must assume really weird stuff about me, like I'm rolling POUNDS STERLING!! For the record I have an overdraft, laughable savings and a student loan from Her Majesty's Government that still needs repaying. SO to now add to that by saying that my love life will also suffer over these same presumptions really rankled.

Now I say "what a load of crap !!!!" If you get to know me you would know that while I have slept in five star hotels , I have also slept on a mat on a concrete floor. And while I have relaxed in rose scented bubble baths I have also had a bath with half a bucket of water that I have fetched from a well.

If you don't know me and sight me from across a room and think I'm expensive then guess what? You are not man enough for me to take the challenge and cross the room and tell me what you have to offer!!!!!

OK I don't want it to look like I am man bashing :0) Like I have said before both sexes are guilty of the mess we make in trying to figure out a relationship. I'm still on DENIAL by the way just that the other post was getting way too long and didn't want to scare anyone reading (if anyone is reading).



Normally I rant, but this time I'm just confused so in reality I'm musing. I just don't get why we make a complicated matter all the more complicated and let me tell you in Lagos it is x10.

1B. DENIAL

Ladies we are the champions of denying when things are going south and I don't mean our boobs without a push up bra. Why is it that it is evident to everyone around you that you and your guy just don't work the way it was meant to, but not to you.

He hasn't meant your friends and really doesn't want to, you have had multiple arguments over some parts of his lifestyle that disturb you deeply but nothing has changed, hie ex's are never quite out of his life or yours for that matter and always hang around like a bad smell, he doesn't support your dreams but you support his, your Momma doesn't like him and you have more than a sneaking suspicion that he cheats on you when he travels .....BUT

You hang on after the fights and discovered emails and text messages, you hang on even though the explanations he gives you wouldn't fool a five year old, you hang on even though he has made you a paranoid and nagging wreck that wakes him up in the middle of the night so that you can ask him questions when you feel that his defences are down !!!

WHY ??? Really I don't get it. Why stay in that kind of relationship? Are you worried that you won't meet anyone else or are you worried that after putting all those years and effort into the relationship you can't stand to think that it was all for nothing?? Or is it love?? Hmmm. Denial of a situation just makes someone into a shadow of their former self and from what I've seen in my life and those around me, it's a real mess....

So roll on Sunday, the house was lovely and jumping with Phoenix's brother back from London, his 2 friends, their Dad and Neny down for a visit for a week. Anywho's the arrival of P's brother also meant the arrival of his laptop so with the girls battling to wash off P's relaxer without enough shampoo (it was an epic battle that would put Troy to shame) , I decided to go on msn (surprise, surprise).

Unfortunately, my mate from Jordan tried to send me some holiday pics and they were corrupted, so even though I didn't open them it was bugging some of my friends that were signed on (aaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhh), so I was trying to fix the problem with instructions from ex hottie when I mentioned how he used to be my techie wizard, to which he replied that no more freebies it was payment only.

I made the joke that I was broke which he replied that sexual favours were also accepted (I walked into that one ) to which I replied that he had lost all routes to the cookies, since he had let go off the cookie jar. Answer to that was that the cookie jar was moving to another continent so............ (and here I thought, OK i guess we are going to have this conversation)

Still in metaphors, I finally replied, then why did you start your diet so early??

You see that has always, always, always, bugged me. You see i didn't have a right to be sulky girl when he called things off because I knew we were never Harrow's answer to Romeo and Juliet and also I was leaving at the end of the first week in January, but what really got me was him calling it off like a few days before Christmas. What had always been my cold comfort was that at least I would have my allocated holiday time with him and then to have that zoomed out was a bitch. I tell you that was my Christmas messed up.

Yet I had to show that I was big girl and was cool, so come last Sunday when we were talking online, it was finally a relief to say "hey you messed up my Christmas". His explanation was that he knew that the time was coming u and didn't want to go cold turkey so he ended things early. He apologised about the timing, explaining that his Christmas was dodgy in his eyes and he didn't remember to think about other peoples......... anyway he asked what to do to make it better and I brushed it off.

Why? Cos for me who is always not wanting to be confrontational (unless seriously pissed off) I was just happy to get it off my chest. Things can't stay serious for long though, especially as he found out that my laptop had a web cam, so there I was in my slob clothes, no make up, hair net etc and he could see me on the freaking web cam. He wanted me to go all American Pie (hahahaha) but I just tormented him instead.

Now here is the annoying thing, isn't this what the Americans call "closure" ? Everything by all rights should be done and dusted, I should be looking forward not back, right? After all he has never asked anything of me on that level and probably never will. SO why do I still keep wishing?? It's a terrible thing ! I should just be grown up about it and separate attraction from real life and get on with things but I am shocked by how hard I am finding that one task. Well I'm nothing if not stubborn and I have no other option than to five myself a mental slap and say "SNAP OUT OF IT WOMAN!!!!"

PS Phoenix is psychic I think, she wasn't crazy about the blue outfit for Saturday's wedding and the zip went at the 11th hour AND she told to ask ex-hottie about last Christmas and I said noooo not on msn and that's what ended up happening anyway!! Spooky....

PPS Oh I really hope ex hottie has forgotten about the existence of this site, eek!

Oh can you hear the wedding bells ?? My boss got married on Saturday not too far from my house. I wanted Phoenix to come with me but I think she gets jittery at weddings. She says she doesn't like all the long drama that comes with planning it and trying to keep everyone happy which you actually have to multiply by 10 in relation to Nigerian weddings. No joke, serioulsy I know some people who would rather fly to London and get married beacuse if you add their flight tickets and stuff it is still cheaper and less hassle than a full blown Lagosian society wedding.

Anyway, after I dragged my body out of bed I realised I wasn't going to be able to make the church , but the good news was that my esteemed landlady had decided to come so we did some Saturday cleaning and was in the shower quicker than you can say " I do ". I was going to wear a traditional outfit, a two piece in dark blue that is so lovely and everything was going fine, until I bent over to pick up my handbag and then RIPPPPPPP, there goes the zipper.

Well I am usually one to be calm and cool, but I wasn't at that moment, NO SIR!! So Phoenix is like well wear your brown dress, and i'm like "the boobs, the boobs ", good enough for a night out, but I'm not sure about a wedding so we ran around the house looking for something cream or brown to wear under said cleavage exposing dress. Phoenix found a vesty thing which on me was a boob tube, but it worked and we were off.

We got there and the Mass was over and they were taking pictures. Phoenix then pointed out that it was a good thing I was wearing the dress as that made me look on par with all the other chiquitas that were there. After my requsite neck stretching to see the couple (looking resplendent in tux and glowing white taffeta) and taking pictures with vendors that hand around and bring it back to you in 2 hours, we went in next door for the reception.

Thank God is was very speedy, you know? No loooooooooong speeches or convulted madness, that I'm sure was on direct orders from my boss. Talking about my boss at one point he looked so pensive and deep in thought and I wasn't the only one that noticed. All I thought was cheer up mate, leave it for today and just enjoy the moment!!! On a lighter note, his MC, was cracking us up, he had the whole room in the palm of his hand it was mad!!! Joke, after joke, after joke it really was the making of the whole thing, and to think the guy is a banker !!

I'll have one rant and then I'm done, the couple wanted to have a slow dance first before the requisite disco madness where guests come and spray you with money. The singer in the band has made the announcement explaining this non-Nigerian thing of having a romantic moment before the hurly burly and still THREE PEOPLE came up to them to spray them then sway with them in time to the music, I mean honestly what am I going to do with my people????

Oh Lord in heaven I am sooooooo tired, I am in an epic battle against the sweet lull of closing my eyes and putting my head on the table. Now usually I don't like seeing would be clients alone but I would happily leave the office right now just so that it would keep me awake and alert as one cannot afford to drool and fall asleep in front of big money paying clients.

I WANT TO LEAVE THE OFFICE!!! Partly because of my sleep deprivation and partly because there are errands I want to run outside the office which are near my clients and partly because if I am sleepy and only doing administrative stuff that's when the temptation to go on msn comes in. On that note though I do have to say that I have been quite strong of late when it comes to you know who (no stupid not Lord Voldermort). One of my birthday resolutions was to realize that Hollywood doesn't happen in real life and you have to harder and wiser. So therefore, no more mooning over people you can't have.

(PS talking about guys that I have a soft spot for, I've been on the phone with one of them lately and he tells me he is coming home for Christmas and he has to see me for a visit or else!!! I'm thinking "for my sanity I will not be staying in your home overnight thank you very much, I've just remembered how sexy your voice sounds!!!!" One day when I'm over the mortification I'll talk about my extreme moment of madness.)

Anyway I digress, THE LOST ONE HAS FOUND SOME LOST POUNDS. Nope not the monetary kind, the flabby kind. I do believe I'm putting on weight. Aaaaaaaaaaarrrrrggghhhh. Sad but true. So much for Nigeria helping me shed a few pounds. I really feel that it's creeping back up. I'm not sure why, not enough fruit ? (I'm scared after the whole typhoid thing), or inactivity or whatever I don't know. All I know is that my kangaroo pouch (lower abs to you) is bigger.

I need to re think this whole body thing because one thing I've learnt with myself is that even though I'm not going to be slim, I do need to make sure I don't go further down the slippery slope. So let's reach into the Jane Fonda inside all of us and feel the burn! Luckily Phoenix has a stepper in the house which is currently covered by a light layer of dust. I will have to drag it out and step for victory.

I am a firm believer in inside exercise, I do not feel any great need to put on faded joggers and start jogging on the streets. NO WAY JOSE. Apart from gated communities and estates, when was the last time you saw a hefty person on the road??? Exactly. The trick is to kill yourself at home or in the gym, then when you get to a level where you no longer freak yourself out, then you're on the road!!

I didn't jog outside in England and I'm definitely not going to bother here, between the mad drivers, the random hawkers, the drivers driving on the wrong side of the road, the possessed bus drivers, the motorcycle drivers that speed like they are running from debtors and the agitated pedestrians I would be a wreck.

I also think a detox would be a good idea, I'm full of crap, so bring on the green tea and water.......

Another thing by the way, I always thought that if I came down to Lagos I would find some tried and tested recipe for system flushing and weight loss, well I'm still on that journey of discovery :) Until then it will be the good old fashion way.

Well isn't it weird, you get dressed, sexy make up and big plans and 7/10 times it doesn't turn into anything special...but when you don't plan you get a rocking night !!!!

Well last Friday, I was in no mood to party at all but Goldie was adamant that everyone was having drinks because we were at risk of getting old before our time (are you sure that I haven't reached ???)

Anywho's because I hadn't thought it through, I was in my plainest of clothes straight from CD and I was working the whole poor relative look very well as compared to Goldie and Phoenix. Also in true Caramel style, I also had chicken sauce down my white top!! So much for being a laaddddyyyyyyyyy.

There was no way out it, so I put on minimum make up so I don't look like a complete loss and draped my yellow pashmina over my chicken lickin' stains and of we went across the road.

When we got there my two big cousins were there and some of Pooh Bear's friends (Pooh Bear works in MADE too and is a darling). So my night started with a Banana Banshee cocktail and I was feeling very Sex and the City (can u tell I don't get out much? ). So things were ok, the company was fabulous, the bar called Bungalows was chilled and the music was lovely and I suddenly felt myself relaxing and laughing when Phoenix went to the bar and went on FACEBOOK !!!! Yep the owner had a laptop hooked up to the bar.

Well after my cocktail I noticed the bottle of Vodka on the table and I thought fantastic !! I tell you with all honesty I was suddenly tired of being ill, having flu, having typhoid, and then the worst of period since boarding school days , I wanted to have fun damnit!!! Of course God bless my cousins as they were pouring and I was drinking!!!

Now as the night wore on, I met people and made good conversation and loved the music and was the very picture of decorum ....ok ok ok I'm lying but that is my official story and I'm sticking to it !!

According to Phoenix and Goldie my behaviour went something like this, clicking on cigarette lighters every time a favourite tune came on and waving it in the air, hitting on Goldie and asking her out (I did it to wind her up), trying to smoke my cousin's cigarette (I'm quite shocked at that one actually), and shame on shame trying out my seductive looks on Pooh Bear and Goldie and waiting on feedback !!!! To crown the night, yours truly then went all video honeyz on everyone and was dropping it like it was hot and my joints were made of elastic :)

Well I say lovely as long as my cousins don't want to Fed-Ex me back to my hometown I'm all good. I needed that night and I'm so happy for it, stained top and all. On another note I hurt like hell the next morning (serves me right ) and the bar bill nearly gave us a heart attack ( what am I going to for my birthday???? suggestions on a postcard pls ).

Looking back on the blog that I started as a way of staying sane, some things have become evident. If the feeling from the blog is that Nigeria has issues, or Britain has issues, or my family has issues, or my friends have issues then one thing is missing. I have issues, as in serious types of issues.

Now I have practical Nigerian blood running through me. I come from strong, surviving bloodlines. It takes some honesty on my part to even admit that I have problems which I find very hard to put a name to. I have a feeling that if I told older members of my family that sometimes I have a sadness so strong that it seems to overwhelm me, they would look at me in puzzlement. Problems have to be tangible like being ill, not doing well in school or not having enough money for rent and food. Those are real problems which people face every day...

Thank God then for diaries then init ?? Whether online or of the paper variety because you can pour out everything without the paper or in my case, the screen looking back at you in faint puzzlement.

Well then young lady what exactly is your problem?? You will not believe how many times a day I ask myself this question. I actually wonder what exactly dogs my footsteps at random points in my week. I am not PMSing for the record, oh dear I've had that and believe me that was not funny. I am also not saying that I am some kind of party pooper or wet blanket that goes around with a droopy face. No way baby I hold my own and I'm blessed with the best of people around me, from work to home. It's just that i have to be honest with myself that I have a problem that needs sorting out.

Maybe coming to Nigeria has given me the chance to stop running away from the unanswered questions. I had the same feeling in Britain but there, there is a lot more to help you drown out the sound of the voice in your head.

I need to find myself centred and settled. I feel like a feather fluttering in the wind, blown from branch to branch.

I got hit on today by another old guy !!! This has been happening with alarming frequency.
I'm talking old, distinguished, his kid's are your age mates, probably your Dad's age type of old. I mean this is a bit dodgy.

Apparently the girls at the office told me to take a chill pill, after all baby we are in Nigeria. The really sad thing is that somewhere you know that this bloke's wife is at home keeping everything running smoothly while he runs around town. The scary thing is that some blatantly don't care if you know that they are married. They are happily hitting on you with their wedding band on. One guy seemed to be amused by the fact that I was rude to him , the look on his face was something like "hmm poor little naive girl", or something to that affect.

Well you can't blame them on that aspect because there are a lot of girls who will willing jump into the guy's car without a blink of their false eyelashes . I have been told that it is like a well run business : Old guy, with money = young girl with hot body etc

I can stand on my soap box and preach but quite frankly I can't be bothered. Not all girls are there by choice and on the other hands some of these babes are professional 'dates' and can operate five guys at a time.

What you want to do is your business but at this point in time don't step up to me!!!! I'm not one of them and it's getting quite dodgy. Here are the all time favourite sugar daddy lines:

" I can change your life "
" You look good enough to eat"
" Have you ever ridden in a (insert luxury car of choice here) before ?"
" How does 10 million naira sound to you ?"

The really disturbing thing is that I don't get this much enthusiasm from people my age . According to my friends I am the poster girl of the last generation, ie I should have been born in the fifties. Excuse me what are people trying to say that my butt is out of fashion ??? I and my butt will just have to be quick on my feet and stay out of the way of that never ending Nigerian tradition of the Sugar Daddy :)

Ok no time to really go into one, but the stupid three week flu is actually typhoid and I have to go to hospital for treatment !!! Can u just imagine. I'm torn between being proud of my body for fighting for soooooo long (my doctor is amazed that I'm walking around) and horrified at where I might have picked up the typhoid from.

Have to zoom cos I need to pack for my stay in the hospital. Not even sure if I can find my pyjamas. At least I have Harry Potter to comfort me even though I have to rack my brains sometimes to remember what the book is referring to.

I would have written more, God knows I have so much to talk about having been Internet deprived for a week but I have to get ready and my Mum annoyed me like five minutes ago on the phone and I can't focus.

See you on the other side of the hospital :)

My flu held on like a Nigerian woman's household budget and I had to take a sick day. I'm all coughing up (close your eyes if you are squeamish) horrid phlemy stuff and my voice was non existent .

Laying on my sick bed (ie couch) I decided to get into the Big Brother Africa spirit. Since I have missed the British one, I really wanted to see what the home grown one was like. Well let me say, very colourful and more pizazzy. I guess this is because this is because this is their second season, while in the UK we might be getting a bit war weary as we are in Year 9!! Remember though the African way is always with style !!!

I'll tell you one thing that is a BIG difference, they have an hour a day where hot water is available in the bathroom and that is when most housemates take their shower, completely naked!! There is no door or shower wall and some girls do shower in a bikini but they are few, both guys and girls are free as a bird!!!!

The housemates are from twelve countries on the continent and it is completely hilarious reading the text messages people are sending from their various countries so it adds a competitive mix. The whole continent is watching so that is roughly 54 million people, talk about exposure. I'm supporting the Nigerian girl (of course), the Ghanaian guy who thinks he's the bomb (so that my friends don't beat me up) and the South African girl (cos she is sheer entertainment).

Ohhh ps my hair is really short, like page boy short, mmm exciting or dodgy?? depends on the angle :) Will drag my battle weary body into work tomorrow, that should be interesting.

PPS Guess who stupidly let slip to a certain someone that she has a blog and then gave address so as not to look like a wuss....... I know, I know I am a complete plonker. Book learning only takes one so far.

I celebrated too early, the stupid sore throat/cough combo has now turned into sneezing, runny nose and catarrh. Yeulch!!! It's not a pretty sight at all and I sneeze in a most unladylike way. It is reminiscent of a thundering elephant. Oh Lord !! You can hear me two miles away.


Oh course I was the source of all office jokes yesterday, (because of Jesus I won't wish vengeance of them) and today at CD I looked like death warmed up. Funnily enough I feel so restless because I thought by now I would be cured and be out having fun. I blame the restlessness for my bit of madness today....

I got a ride to Phoenix's office and was about to cross over when she pulls up with Goldie and tells me to hop in because they are on the way to pick up graphics for adverts from a client. Now you have to realise that I was still in my Youth Corpers uniform. Usually I change from the offending article before I venture back into the world but today there had been no time. Now I'm not extra vain than the next 25 year old but you have to see the uniform. White t-shirt, horrid green khaki trousers which shrink with each wash. I swear by the time February rolls by my trousers will be bum shorts! The hot look is finished by a pair of orange jungle boots. HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM



So when the ladies said that they had to pop in and I should wait in the car , my khaki was already on my mind. But i was in a car, in broad daylight in the car park of a very busy building. I did a little reconnaissance and saw that there was a security guard who was perpetually there and some drivers that walked by at alternate times. OHHH Jack Bauer would have been proud.



One voice says don't do it what is wrong with you you nutter???



The other voice then says go on, go on, go on, have a go, be naughty for once.



So I shrug off my t-shirt and quickly put on my blue top, laughing at the fact that i had just flashed my red bra to the world without being caught.

So now the look is blue top and green khaki trousers hmmmmmm. I take off my jungle boots and socks and bring out my black trousers wondering what has gotten into me. Should I take off my trousers? What if someone comes, or the security guard notices me, or Goldie and Phoenix come out and catch me. Well I think stuff it and start scoping around....

One car,
A car and two gentlemen,
A Fedex guy
Then no one and go!! I quickly take off my trousers and drape my pashmina across my lap. Taking my black trousers I slowly inch them up and do the zip up. Yipeeeeee I did it!!! I brush my hair down because it was sticking up in all directions and then I regulated my breathing.

The look on the ladies faces when they came down from their meeting was actually priceless :)

Then he lists "I'm single and Transformers is a really good movie"...

CaramelD: "Hang on you've lost me how have we gone from football, to your love life ,to movies?

Ex hottie: I'm listing other good news for you

CaramelD: Is breaking up good news? Most girls cry, not sure about blokes.....

Then he went to explain that he was down cos it's not nice breaking up with someone but that he felt restricted in the relationship and had to end it. Now all through this I'm giving good answers and listening and being neutral and grown up and even moving the conversation to other subjects but inside I'm going

YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

A feeling of pure happiness courses through me and I want to start a conga line down the middle of the office, on the outside I was off msn and working and talking biz with my boss and on the inside I'm singing "Celebrate good times come on!!"......

It is soo bad of me I know, believe you me there is a reason that is this blog is anonymous but i just couldn't help it. Nothing is going to happen between us though because

• He called it off for reasons I don't fully understand


• I'm on another continent


• He's a very private person and I was never sure where I stood with him and that can drive you nuts

Yet I was still on top of the world. My throat didn't hurt as much, my head wasn't so heavy anymore, my eye didn't feel so sore and i swear I felt lighter (lol). I AM VERY NAUGHTY

I am currently sitting in the office of Nigeria's sexiest magazine: MADE . Today is Friday so after CD, I came by here because this is where Phoenix works. She had finished university and was sitting at home and this opportunity came up and it's fab because this is a good working environment and she likes her job. I live with her this year and I can safely say if she wasn't here living in Lagos would not have been funny.

Anyway back to the mystery..... Like I have moaned about before, I feel fluey with a sore throat and cough. Well Phoenix is much worse!! She is sneezing, coughing, blowing her nose, surrounded by tissues and tea but still managing to work and look fashionable like the trooper she is.

Now my big cousin says I gave her the virus but I don't think sooooo, there is a mystery to unravel. Goldie, who works in MADE too and goes home with us in the car and works next to Phoenix was coughing, sneezing and blowing her nose before us, so HA!!!

But this madness doesn't stop because the question then becomes who gave Goldie the cold?? Well with some serious investigation that would have made Poirot proud, I found out that the finger of suspicion fell on Goldie's friend that was visiting from England. AHA!!! This is some form of invasion from the British, the end of the mystery right? Or not because Phoenix's brother that lives with us was more fluey and coughy than anyone put together and he rides home with us too.

There is no end to this mystery, it's a diabolical flu circle of doom and we are all its victims. So much for partying this weekend, we shall party in spirit.

CURE
According to big cuz it's honey, lemon and hot water. I also added whiskey/rum in coffee but Phoenix said I'm just looking for an excuse to bring alcohol into the mix. Huh!

Thank God for Facebook!! I seriously would have been destitute without it!! Think of all the phone credit I would need to check on my friends and make sure they were OK. It's true that nothing beats hearing someones voice on the phone but at least you can be assured by seeing random pictures on the world's most popular "social utility" (the phrase social utility make think of public toilet, I'm not sure why).

Anyway, like I was saying, I love facebook, not only can u keep in touch, but it has lots of applications you can use and piss away your time with. Classic!!!

It's also weirdly a lot more classy than Hi-5, I'm not sure why, maybe cos they have stricter controls so no more weird pervy people stalking you on the Internet. The down side though is that you get friends requests from some people who you could happily spend the rest of your life without ever speaking to again, but oh well.....

Here is an example of the madness of my darling friends and a "rap" she posted on my facebook wall. Please bear in mind that this nutcase is a stellar scientist who has two degrees (you would never know if I didn't tell you :)

Chizzy chizzy chizzy, cant u see, sometimes ur world just hypnotize me, and I just love your flashy ways and I donno the word anyways!!!!! Here's an original rap just to embarrass you some more...... Yo I woke up last night, with the moon so bright, I think about the bling that makes you swing, my feet touch the floor and I can think no more, the voice is resonating in my head, it says yo vinita why u up just go to bed.... HAHAHAHAHAHA Im so good up there with Dr DRE HAHAHAHAHA I MISSSS UUUU AND BEING STUPID NO ONE GETS MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

Okay people, the heat is on because i am officially looking for job. Yeesssssssss i know it might seem early but I have learnt my lesson the really hard way !! It is never to early, can I get an Amen??

I will be in my house sipping tea and watching 24 (I love Jack Bauer) and people with drive and hunger will be doing their homework and getting good jobs!!!! No, I refuse to be the stupid one in this story. Today I start with initiative!!!!!!!!Yeah (can you hear the Rocky soundtrack??)

So the problem with a dual-hommie like myself is that eternal question of where am I going to work?? My Dad's answer is NIGERIA NIGERIA NIGERIA. Hmmm not that simple mate. It would be really simple if there was a huge factor waiting for you in either country, which in my case is Britain and Nigeria. Like for example if there was a bloke waiting for you in Ol' Blighty or some assured job in a high ranking company in Nigeria but not the case mate.

Now before my friends in London start knocking my head left right and centre, i love you guys and that's the truth but a girl has gotta eat. I will go where a job with prospects is waiting for me.

Now don't think I have forgotten my nuclear family cos I haven't but that won't provide any clarity. My Dad is here, my Mum is in London but wants to come back soon and my baby bro is here. So you see my family is also scattered to the four winds.

So what does a girl like myself do, I'm not cut out to be a Desperate Housewife, I do have my lazy git moments but I do so love working. Waking up in the morning with purpose, coming to work where you know your input is needed and appreciated (so not happening now) and tackling challenges everyday.

All those women fifty years back didn't take to the streets in protests for me to not apply myself now in my chosen profession (oh by the way it's PR and Communication if anyone is asking).

I know what I'll do, I apply in both countries and thanks to the power of the Internet that is quite possible and I'll pray. Yep gotta do some serious praying cos I'm lost and needed to find my path and also lots of lovely salaries :)

On another note Britain and Nigeria are both bombarded with rain!!
My cousin said it's cos Rihanna's Umbrella 'ella 'ella eh eh eh has been number one for 11 weeks and there must be some kind of West Indian magic attached to the song (I laughed so hard when I heard that).

Rain is one thing but flooding is a whole other kettle of fish you know?! In both countries the floods are caused by different things. In England it's flooded rivers and the fact that people love concreting their front yard so no vegetation/soil to soak up the water etc. In Lagos we are flooded because our drainage (where there is any) is totally pants and out roads are shot to hell so all the water just gathers at the sides and then meets in the middle.

I'll never forget one picture that was carried by one of our national papers, This Day and the picture showed a man taking people across a seriously flooded road in an old dumpster. They stood in it and he pushed them across and they paid him !!! That is Lagos for you :) At least as far as far I know our houses aren't affected unlike the people in Britain, I hope their insurance pays through if not it will be seriously not funny.

I'm at work and I'm tired and it's not yet midday. I feel achy, fluey and sore throat-ish. It is also doesn't help that all my potential clients that promised, yes promised me that I would have my cheques by the end of the month are now not living up to the promise.

I'm burnt out and it's still only July, it's like February is ages away. One of the the other youth corpers in my office (there are five of us) came in this morning and made a whispery confession to me that she is counting down to Feb in her head and I'm like "what? you only just started counting??? Huh I've been counting down since June!!!".

I can't stand the fact that for the month of July I haven't brought in any clients. It's so disturbing, I didn't think it would be like this , that I would even be bothered but I'm sooooooo bothered, cos I'm sure that at one point our MD will catch me in the corridor and say "so how much naira have you brought in today??"" AArrrrrggghhhh I hate the finance sector.

Let me start from the beginning, it's all NYSC fault, my fault and a bit of my Dad too. I didn't want to come back to Nigeria at the beginning of the year because I felt that for once things were starting to settle with me or that at the very least I was getting pay back for all my slogging during my Masters. I had graduated with a great result, I was getting interviews and was hopeful, I was seeing ex-hottie (it soooo wasn't Romeo and Juliet but he was cool) and i felt that good things were coming . Then my Mum and my Dad are like come home and come home now!!! I had had a huge one year battle with my Dad the year before about me going to Law School and I just didn't have the strength to fight anymore, I also felt that there might be an opportunity in Nigeria waiting for me so I gave in very ungraciously (I was hurting before I came back).

So here I was in Nigeria in January and I start doing my research for NYSC, then my cousin gives me the information that your job assignment will be done according to your first degree!!!!

THAT IS NOT GOOD, my first degree was Law (as a back up) and then I did my Masters in Public Relations and Public Communication ( job offers anyone?) which is where I was working and what I loved doing , the thought of being posted to a law chambers or something was quite horrifying .

The worst thing of coming back to Naija after a while as an adult is the complete cluelessness. The not knowing nothing about nothing... that's how i felt. I was told that with some cash you can alter your posting as long as I could get some company or agency with PR related jobs to give me an offer letter . My Dad was like he would sort it and that he can handle it and he is in control. Oh dear!!My Dad is a very busy man, he is on the go from sun up to sun down and I know he doesn't mean to but his very nearest and dearest can end up being the bottom of the pile.

I ask around but it's not working, I could have asked some of my Mum's siblings (very cool aunty's and uncles) but I had already declared that Dad was on it and I suddenly felt that by asking I would be unloyal, which is just nuts. The thing is I seriously wanted to believe that my Dad could do this for me. In one of our worst arguments he accused me of not trusting in his ability to help me in Nigeria and i wanted this to prove that I was trying at the very least.

He did come through in the end but by the it was too late. I had been posted to an investment house that also does trust funds and asset management. I could have applied for a re-posting but I was a witness to the stress my fellow corpers were going through as they were tangled in the web of red tape and general Nigerian ineptitude and I so couldn't be bothered.

What made me feel better was that I was told that even though I was working in Trust Services (cos of my law degree init) they wanted to raise awareness of Trust Funds through seminars, literature and well placed articles!!! Fantastic that's PR in a nutshell isn't it ??? Well that didn't turn out to be particularly true.

Yes I have written copy for our new financial products and done some work on the company brochure but instead what they have me doing is personal marketing, trying to accumulate clients and convince people that opening a trust fund for little Maggie is the best thing they can do as a parent, NOT A SEMINAR IN SIGHT.

SO back to today, I work with lovely people, but I'm not motivated, I'm not inspired and I think I'm coming down with the flu. I do have a partner in crime but she was engaged and planned a far away wedding only to wake up pregnant a month later so she put together a marriage in a month and has been seriously distracted and pulling sickies left, right and centre. If it's not her family giving her stress, it's morning sickness and planning the budget for the two separate wedding ceremonies (that's right, traditional and white).

I'm seriously low cos one big client is now unreachable by phone and I can't be bothered to write the company's bloody mission statement. I just want to go home and cry and drink Lemsip. I need a client before the month is done , I also want to run away to a luxury resort in Antigua or Mauritius, I'm not picky.

SO here I am at work waiting on the phone trying to talk to a potential big time client and I decided "oh I'll go online"... big mistake.

I went online to feel better seeing as I have period cramps that would bring down the Hulk and I was bloated to the size of a Teletubby but instead I got cranky. I first of all went on msn and was sooooo happy to see my darling friends from Canada and Jordan were online yeah, then I look down and eeeeeeeeekkkkkkkk my aforementioned hotty ex is online. Now like I said before I went on a talking online ban but that wasn't difficult cos he went on hols with his girlfriend (ha ha I said that without feeling bitter, yeah for me) but now it's like "X - back from (insert cool Mediterranean island)!!!!!!!!

So now stupid female that I am (not always mind you I can be quite sensible) I'm like "I'm not signing off, going to talk to lovely far away friends".

Problem is that they are not there!! I nudge and wink my msn heart out but to no avail. So I still don't sign out cos I see it as defeat and I decide to go to good old facebook (the friend of every young adult who has moved countries but can't afford calling cards on a wide scale).

I post a few messages but nothing is really happening, I go and check out some pics that my friends posted of me and I see a group one taken from my second year at uni. Now imagine about ten people, in an array of coats smiling their hearts and absolutely looking terrible (mostly cos of drink) and yet soooooooooo very happy. So now I'm nostalgic, homesick and slightly weepy, maybe cos of my hormones or the fact that in the pic I looked like I had no eyebrows.

So far this whole Internet thing is not working for me. I go on Yahoo to read the news and I read about how the whole world has already gotten their hands on the last Harry Potter book. Pls!!! I have to wait till the first week in Aug when my Dad gets back from London cos I'm soooooooo not buying it in Lagos as they are being thieves and selling it for about forty pounds and my Dad is going to get it for eight quid in Asda!!!!

And of course ex hotty is still on msn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SOOOOO I'm about to sign out of this Internet debacle when my friends from Jordan and Canada both come back online at the same time, yeahhhhhhhhhh. We chat for ages and I especially love talking to my darling in Canada cos I swear we have parallel lives and I see a lot of me in her apart from the fact that she is an Asian hottie who know loads of sciency things.....

Then another old friend catches me on msn and my faith in the Internet is restored cos I'm in Lagos and I spoke to people in Jordan, Canada and London without leaving my desk plus I get to vent on my blog :)

Well I spent Friday not at work (yeah) beacuse of my CD day. CD means community development and it is one more stage in the NYSC farce. Let me start from the beginning....

NYSC (or National Youth Service Corps) is the reason I came back to Nigeria as a 25 year old to have my year of fun and angst. It is a Nigerian directive that says that all university graduates for one year after graduation have to serve their country. How? Well you spend the first three weeks in an orientation camp which is for you to get to know other victims in your state, to learn army type things like marching and fitness and toughness (example treks, climbing walls etc).

After camp you get posted to your primary assignment and it's meant to reflect what you studied, it can be in the private or public sector (but people generally start crying if they get a teaching gig). You only work four days of the week and the 5th is the aforementioned CD day.

Well this day you are meant to serve your community is some lovely way but in my zone we do pants all cos the staff aren't bothered. Yesterday I sat and read a lovely novel and if You see your mates you get to chat with them.

My memories of NYSC will be of grey walls and benches and hanging around for your card to be signed as proof that you haven' t left the country to go to Antigua and sip Pina Coladas.

It's meant to be a bonding exercise for the country cos you get posted to a part of the country that you aren't from but I think somewhere along the way it all gone a bit awry.

"Lose one, let go to get one. Left one, lose some to win some
Story of a champion, sorry I'm a champion. You lost one.." Jay Z

This is where the name of my blog comes from. I feel like in leaving Britain and coming to Nigeria at the age of 25, I'm losing something and trying to grab hold of something else. I also feel lost myself between two countries I love and wonder sometimes where I'm going to end up.

Some other people like me don't feel that tug at all and have happily made their choice but not me!!

I really was going to talk about the blog and why I decided to have to have one but there is no time for that.

I've really gone and done it now, msning with an ex you still have feelings for.

If I read this in my fav mags I would have sympathised with the poor girl and mentally told her to get a grip. But here I am being stupid, stupid, stupid!!!!!!!

I made an excuse to my mates here in Nigeria that we are still friends that's why we talk, but that's not the real reason...I don't know about him but I still talk to him because he still has the power to make my insides curl and make heat reach my toes.

AAAAAAAAAArrrrrggggggghhhhhhhhh.

I have to move on fast, that is the only way. I need a new reference asap, just don't know where to look in Lagos.