Looking back on the blog that I started as a way of staying sane, some things have become evident. If the feeling from the blog is that Nigeria has issues, or Britain has issues, or my family has issues, or my friends have issues then one thing is missing. I have issues, as in serious types of issues.

Now I have practical Nigerian blood running through me. I come from strong, surviving bloodlines. It takes some honesty on my part to even admit that I have problems which I find very hard to put a name to. I have a feeling that if I told older members of my family that sometimes I have a sadness so strong that it seems to overwhelm me, they would look at me in puzzlement. Problems have to be tangible like being ill, not doing well in school or not having enough money for rent and food. Those are real problems which people face every day...

Thank God then for diaries then init ?? Whether online or of the paper variety because you can pour out everything without the paper or in my case, the screen looking back at you in faint puzzlement.

Well then young lady what exactly is your problem?? You will not believe how many times a day I ask myself this question. I actually wonder what exactly dogs my footsteps at random points in my week. I am not PMSing for the record, oh dear I've had that and believe me that was not funny. I am also not saying that I am some kind of party pooper or wet blanket that goes around with a droopy face. No way baby I hold my own and I'm blessed with the best of people around me, from work to home. It's just that i have to be honest with myself that I have a problem that needs sorting out.

Maybe coming to Nigeria has given me the chance to stop running away from the unanswered questions. I had the same feeling in Britain but there, there is a lot more to help you drown out the sound of the voice in your head.

I need to find myself centred and settled. I feel like a feather fluttering in the wind, blown from branch to branch.
1 Response
  1. BergerBear Says:

    I know the feeling. It didn't go away after watching the movie, The Secret, but it did change the feeling. The Magic also helped, along with Money, and The Law of Attraction by Esther & Jerry Hicks (the audiobook). Wow, I really end of all over the internet, when all I am doing is googling yellow images of wheat products! LOL, best of luck to you :)