CaramelD looking for my e-ticket booking but have accidentally on purpose stumbled on my little corner of Eden. I'm packed sort off and I think I have used shoes to over compensate for my 'I don't feel attractive state of mind'. My parents keep calling because they have forgotten stuff in London and I'm meant to bring it so I keep unzipping!!!!

I have to run to the shops because I need batteries for my torch (NEPA preparations) and I'm sluggish and bloated because I'm late aarrggghhh!

OK OK OK I'm going to leave and get on with things so I can return and type quickly about Christmas day before I travel. See the drama! After all these months of non-Ex Hottie stories it all kicked off on Christmas and I have witnesses. I'm telling you, you try and mind your business and people want to start something!!!!


PS I hope you are all are doing fine xxxxxx
where is your cell phone? In my handbag

where is your significant other? I don't have one.

your hair color? Naturally dark brown

your mother? Imo State

your father? Anambra State

your favourite thing? Forever will be reading

your dream last night? I'm not sure but I think I wanted to pick someone who was stranded at the airport and my Mum wouldn't let me. Quite bizarre.

your dream/goal? Communications expert to the UN, NATO, Coca-Cola etc

your hobby? Reading, blogging, tv, karaoke, dancing, more dancing and fake hair!

your fear? Having to settle for less

where do you want to be in 6 years? In my own home, when a job that makes me happy and a man that understands how I tick.

where were you last night? Upstairs, ironing my Dad's shirts and watching NCIS

what you're not? Quiet and a lover of salads.

one of your wish list items? High heels that don't hurt, after going out this weekend twice in them my kness are a shadow of their former self!

where you grew up? London/Lagos/Owerri.

the last thing you did? Checked my bra and realised it was quite pretty!

your pet? Never had one.

your computer? At home, still newish, with a beautiful large screen, great for watching movies.

your mood? Resilient. I get stressed, then I get over it! Can be very happy and carefree too. The older I get the more I cut out things that add worry lines to my face. IT'S JUST NOT WORTH IT!
missing someone? Not right now because I know I'll see them soon.

your summer? Was rubbish in London, total pants! Went to America for a couple of weeks and got some heat there.

love someone? Famliy and friends. Not that many.

your favourite colour? Black and pink!

when is the last time you laughed? A few minutes ago, reading blogs.

last time you cried? Last week, arguing with Baked Beans. Made me realise that come New Year it may all be over. Oh well. God dey!

are you genuine or fake? It actually takes a lot of energy to be fake! Who has that time? If I don't like you, I'll just keep my distance.

any vices? One bad habit, can you guess?

pro life or wire hanger? Pro life. Don't even go there with the wire hanger thing, that's just wrong! Eeeeeeeeeewwwwwwww

mccain or obama? The middle name of my first born son will be Barrack.

OK I tag Sirus and Freaksho, by the time they type finish they will be hunting me down (insert evil laughter!)

Doug, my new blogsville BFF (LOL), asked in my last post, 'how you dey?', and I was about to type in fine, fine and I thought well actually no! I am slipping into bad habits that I promised myself after my last bout of illness that I wouldn't do.... I AM GETTING STRESSED!
Q: Why?
A: Because I am going home!

When ever I travel home from London, it needs the kind of planning that MI5 and the FBI would be proud of. Funding, logistics, infrastructure and public relations. Well not this time. I really can't give a rat's arse. My Mum always puts this pressure on me to make sure I have enough outfits, loose 5 stone, pack this and pack that, and make sure you have this present for so, so and so........

Well I say, F#*k it all !

When you now add all the Baked Beans drama (we had a nasty fight a couple of days ago, made me cry), the fact that my bum has gone nowhere, I am working right up till Christmas (have done nooooo shopping for myself and quite frankly probably won't be anymore) and my dear Dad is flying three days before me and making me run around for him too, well!!! A woman has limits!

So I Caramel Delight make this proclamation:

1. My hair is not fantastic
2. My body hasn't gone anywhere (see illustration above)
3. I'm not buying gifts for anyone (maybe sweets for the babies)
4. I'm not buying new clothes
5. I am reclaiming my sanity (JUST SAY NO TO STRESS)

So Doug, in answer to your question I am just peachy now :)

I Am a "Kept" Woman

You see, there were a few times when I thought I would lose my mind, But GOD kept me sane. (Isa. 26:3)

There were times when I thought I could go no longer, But the LORD kept me moving. (Gen 28:15)

At times, I've wanted to lash out at those whom I felt had done me wrong, But the LORD kept my mouth shut. (Psa. 13)

Sometimes, I think the money just isn't enough, But GOD has helped me to keep the lights on, the water on, the car paid, the house paid, etc.., (Matt. 6:25 -34)

When I thought I would fall, HE kept me up. When I thought I was weak, HE kept me strong! (I Pet. 5:7, Matt. 11:28-30)

I could go on and on and on, but I'm sure you hear me! I'm blessed to be "kept."

NB I got this from my friend but it resonated with me so much with the last month I have had. Being ill, stress at work, family drama and feeling broken! But you get some kind of strength and get up and keep going, I want to take this opportunity to acknowledge that the strength came from God through his instruments on earth!
Stupid me on the phone to Baked Beans, Sunday evening.

CaramelD: Did you mean what you said this afternoon?

Baked Beans: Which part of what I said?

CaramelD: That you missed me?

Baked Beans: Of course I meant it [pause one beat] I miss all my friends!

CaramelD: Is that so?

Baked Beans: I hope you aren't getting soppy on me!


Chai I have suffered. This is the height! In the afternoon, he (that doesn't do emotional) told me he missed me and I thinking that it was one of his jokes, brushed it off and he got upset. So that evening I was asking if he had meant it. The reply is now to group me as friends shebi???!!!

It is all right! Let's roll out the friendship wagon. I will count how many of his friends he kisses, spends two hours on the phone to at 2am and freaks out on when they go on holiday and don't tell him! Friends my arse!!!

OK he should look for me this Christmas and will see how friendly I'll be! IDIOT!!!

This is entrapment! When I want to cool things off, this boy will not leave me alone. When I stay then this kind of nonsense! The last thing anyone would want to do is annoy this month because I will come out all guns blazing. I am in the mood and looking for a victim and he has just painted a giant bulls eye on his forehead!

...yes I am! A big kiss (no fear, it's on the cheek) and a hug as well for all your comforting thoughts and wishes. I felt so low and I didn't know what to do with myself and then I'll come on my site and see comments and I would feel better (also with the help of pain killers and antibiotics). LOL

The doc said I had run myself down to the ground and to stay home for the rest of the week.

Errr no!

Two days was what I managed abeg. My Dad had gone into full Diva status and I couldn't be left alone. Also some things were really pressing at work, so here I am back in the saddle but being really calm and zen like about the whole thing.

So let me lay down the gist.....

At work they were missing me and feeling bad that I was using my phone to call in about certain issues that they ordered me a Blackberry! I will now join those annoying people that check their email on the train (hehehehe).

Also, last month I met a guy at a fancy dress party that I went to and I added him on FB to share pics etc. Out of the blue he sent me a message (which was a bit shocking), then I replied, then he replied, and it has been going like that all week :) I had forgotten the thrill of talking to someone new (who doesn't annoy you) and finding stuff you have in common and the thrill of subtle flirting ( I think) etc.

On a serious note, I came to work to find that I had made an error on a big press release! I was so shocked, because that is the cardinal sin for PR and Advertising. I really have to pull up my socks and be more careful in the future.

PS I don't think I'm feeling the Christmas spirit which is ironic as I am in charge of Secret Santa in my office! Ho ho ho !!!!
I don't like moaning, I think it breeds bad energy and I do believe that I'm sounding like a broken record. A couple of weeks ago I had a barrage of symptoms two weeks ago with sore throat, runny nose, aching joints etc. I thought yep, it's the season and just drank all sorts until it passed. It was so bad that I even had nose sores at the end of it all! Fine it was over whatever!

Then in comes my period last week to bitch slap me for two days and all the ensuing madness. It is fair to say that I felt like crap but, it happens, wait for it to be over, whatever!

Now, only for me to come to work today and (I have stopped taking painkillers for my period this morning) and my throat is sore, my joints ache, I feel hot and cold all over like I have the beginning of malaria! I AM TIRED!!! How many times can I tell my manager that I feel under the weather eh? She will soon start thinking either I'm pregnant or just a moaning cow. Whatever is happening I think was suppressed by my pain killers because the speed it came today was just too fast.

I am irritable, tired and grumpy and it is affecting my work. I want to put my head on someones lap and just cry but there is no one to cry in their lap. I can't even collapse at home because I'm meant to be looking after my Dad who just had an operation on Thursday. I'm so tired, I think I'm close to breaking point. I so have to muscle in and see my doctor tomorrow by hook or by crook.

Chineke biko mere m ebere.

Thank you very much for your advice about my last post, I hear you all loud and clear and I'm trying to be sensible through the fog of sexually induced madness and not get my self into what Freaksho calls the CommRatio! While that problem occupies my thoughts, life is still going on and certain things make me wonder.....

Sending me a friend request on facebook with the line "Baby you look sweet, really gots to know you better. Holla at your boi, so we can make a better connection", is not going to induce me in any way, shape or form to accept said facebook request.

Control pants, bodyshapers and the like are instruments of the devil. I recently battled with one a few days ago as I got ready for a marketing awards dinner (my college won all the categories we were nominated for woo hoo). Who told me to pack slinky dress that drapes? Stupid girl like myself! As I yanked, pulled, stretched and did a mini dance routine to put the darn thing on I realised why Keira Knightly's character fainted from her corset in Pirates of the Caribbean.

And finally biggest ranting of all - I am yet to find a child or grandchild of a polygamous family that has not suffered from a side effect of that union. What ever the reason a man decides to have more than one wife I wonder if they really think that they cn handle the repercussions of such. My grandfather was a minister in the First Republic with one wife whom he married in church and then after he was given the kingship of our town fast foward to being a powerful Eze, huge palace and 20 wives!

My Dad and us by default are now suffereing the after effects of that because he is the oldest of 50 children and trying to keep a family full of poor excuses for human beings together. The latest? Some of his half brothers have vandalised and tore down some of the palace property (they know he is London for medical treatment) and now 'plotting' to kill him by Christmas (someone intercepted emails they have been sending to each other). I am so bitter! Only God can intervene but it hurts to think of where all this stress is coming from.


What's the point of losing your virginity to one guy only to leave the guy in one country and come back home. Isn't that torture? Or is it torture to hold off knowing you do want to end up in bed with him but won't ?

What's a girl do to?

So confused!
If I can spare one person what I went through these past few weeks, then my work here is done. These rules are in relation to getting a new passport, other forms of torture (sorry I mean services) may differ. What ever you came for, rest assured your blood pressure will go up.

1. Do not for one moment even THINK that you will do all you need to do in one day. That is just foolish thinking right there.

2. Also do not, I repeat do not take what you see on the web site as gospel truth. It is never updated on time. For information ask your friends, family and even your Indian newsagent because they will know more than the website.

3. Even though the awkward and ill designed official website is what you actually need to apply is and on getting to that site you need the patience of a saint and a nuclear physics degree to get through the different forms and payment system.

4. You can only pay online for new passports and only with A CREDIT CARD. The payment then takes about four days to clear and by the grace of God you should then get an interview date.

5. Even though the High Commission opens at 10am, aim for 8am because there will be a queue outside the locked doors. Bring food, water, warm clothing, firewood, ipod, books, Bible/Koran and all the things needed for surviving in the wild because that is what it will feel like.

6. Once inside you will be immediately and automatically transported to Naija without getting on a plane. The confusion, the raised voices, dodgy toilets, TV that doesn't work, broken floors (health and safety my ass) and the icing on the cake..... the lights actually go out from time to time (NEPA in London!).

7. Be prepared to meet old friends and actually make new ones. Nothing brings Nigerians together like bitching about the Establishment. People will swap notes, ask questions and discuss their life stories. Ahh there have even been love connections. Men you may meet your wives, women you may meet your future hubby or on a bad day you may meet your ex, with his wife and three cute children!

8. Remember, the picture they take of you that day will be in your passport for the next 10 years and unfortunately it will be at the end of a 5 hour wait so you will be looking tired and grumpy with a shiny face. SAY CHEESE!

9. Picking up the passport a week or so later is also prone to drama and happens in the afternoon around 3pm so either have an understanding boss or plan ahead to pull a sickie.

10. Most important rule of all, if you have the chance please just change your passport in Nigeria. With an extra 20K you can get it that same day!

PS Do not make the mistake of thinking you 'know' someone that can help you. There are only a handful of staff in that building, exactly how many people can they 'help'? Two women told me how they paid £600 and £400 to speed up their applications and yet we were all languishing together!

If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible; who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time; who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer.

It’s the answer told by lines that stretched around schools and churches in numbers this nation has never seen; by people who waited three hours and four hours, many for the very first time in their lives, because they believed that this time must be different; that their voice could be that difference.

It’s the answer spoken by young and old, rich and poor, Democrat and Republican, black, white, Latino, Asian, Native American, gay, straight, disabled and not disabled – Americans who sent a message to the world that we have never been a collection of Red States and Blue States: we are, and always will be, the United States of America.

It’s the answer that led those who have been told for so long by so many to be cynical, and fearful, and doubtful of what we can achieve to put their hands on the arc of history and bend it once more toward the hope of a better day. It’s been a long time coming, but tonight, because of what we did on this day, in this election, at this defining moment, change has come to America.

I just received a very gracious call from Senator McCain. He fought long and hard in this campaign, and he’s fought even longer and harder for the country he loves. He has endured sacrifices for America that most of us cannot begin to imagine, and we are better off for the service rendered by this brave and selfless leader. I congratulate him and Governor Palin for all they have achieved, and I look forward to working with them to renew this nation’s promise in the months ahead.

I want to thank my partner in this journey, a man who campaigned from his heart and spoke for the men and women he grew up with on the streets of Scranton and rode with on that train home to Delaware, the Vice President-elect of the United States, Joe Biden.

I would not be standing here tonight without the unyielding support of my best friend for the last sixteen years, the rock of our family and the love of my life, our nation’s next First Lady, Michelle Obama. Sasha and Malia, I love you both so much, and you have earned the new puppy that’s coming with us to the White House. And while she’s no longer with us, I know my grandmother is watching, along with the family that made me who I am. I miss them tonight, and know that my debt to them is beyond measure.

To my campaign manager David Plouffe, my chief strategist David Axelrod, and the best campaign team ever assembled in the history of politics – you made this happen, and I am forever grateful for what you’ve sacrificed to get it done. But above all, I will never forget who this victory truly belongs to – it belongs to you.

I was never the likeliest candidate for this office. We didn’t start with much money or many endorsements. Our campaign was not hatched in the halls of Washington – it began in the backyards of Des Moines and the living rooms of Concord and the front porches of Charleston. It was built by working men and women who dug into what little savings they had to give five dollars and ten dollars and twenty dollars to this cause.

It grew strength from the young people who rejected the myth of their generation’s apathy; who left their homes and their families for jobs that offered little pay and less sleep; from the not-so-young people who braved the bitter cold and scorching heat to knock on the doors of perfect strangers; from the millions of Americans who volunteered, and organized, and proved that more than two centuries later, a government of the people, by the people and for the people has not perished from this Earth.

This is your victory. I know you didn’t do this just to win an election and I know you didn’t do it for me. You did it because you understand the enormity of the task that lies ahead. For even as we celebrate tonight, we know the challenges that tomorrow will bring are the greatest of our lifetime – two wars, a planet in peril, the worst financial crisis in a century. Even as we stand here tonight, we know there are brave Americans waking up in the deserts of Iraq and the mountains of Afghanistan to risk their lives for us. There are mothers and fathers who will lie awake after their children fall asleep and wonder how they’ll make the mortgage, or pay their doctor’s bills, or save enough for college. There is new energy to harness and new jobs to be created; new schools to build and threats to meet and alliances to repair.

The road ahead will be long. Our climb will be steep. We may not get there in one year or even one term, but America – I have never been more hopeful than I am tonight that we will get there. I promise you – we as a people will get there.

There will be setbacks and false starts. There are many who won’t agree with every decision or policy I make as President, and we know that government can’t solve every problem. But I will always be honest with you about the challenges we face. I will listen to you, especially when we disagree. And above all, I will ask you join in the work of remaking this nation the only way it’s been done in America for two-hundred and twenty-one years – block by block, brick by brick, calloused hand by calloused hand. What began twenty-one months ago in the depths of winter must not end on this autumn night.

This victory alone is not the change we seek – it is only the chance for us to make that change. And that cannot happen if we go back to the way things were. It cannot happen without you. So let us summon a new spirit of patriotism; of service and responsibility where each of us resolves to pitch in and work harder and look after not only ourselves, but each other. Let us remember that if this financial crisis taught us anything, it’s that we cannot have a thriving Wall Street while Main Street suffers – in this country, we rise or fall as one nation; as one people. Let us resist the temptation to fall back on the same partisanship and pettiness and immaturity that has poisoned our politics for so long.

Let us remember that it was a man from this state who first carried the banner of the Republican Party to the White House – a party founded on the values of self-reliance, individual liberty, and national unity. Those are values we all share, and while the Democratic Party has won a great victory tonight, we do so with a measure of humility and determination to heal the divides that have held back our progress. As Lincoln said to a nation far more divided than ours, “We are not enemies, but friends…though passion may have strained it must not break our bonds of affection.” And to those Americans whose support I have yet to earn – I may not have won your vote, but I hear your voices, I need your help, and I will be your President too.

And to all those watching tonight from beyond our shores, from parliaments and palaces to those who are huddled around radios in the forgotten corners of our world – our stories are singular, but our destiny is shared, and a new dawn of American leadership is at hand. To those who would tear this world down – we will defeat you. To those who seek peace and security – we support you. And to all those who have wondered if America’s beacon still burns as bright – tonight we proved once more that the true strength of our nation comes not from our the might of our arms or the scale of our wealth, but from the enduring power of our ideals: democracy, liberty, opportunity, and unyielding hope. For that is the true genius of America – that America can change. Our union can be perfected. And what we have already achieved gives us hope for what we can and must achieve tomorrow.

This election had many firsts and many stories that will be told for generations. But one that’s on my mind tonight is about a woman who cast her ballot in Atlanta. She’s a lot like the millions of others who stood in line to make their voice heard in this election except for one thing – Ann Nixon Cooper is 106 years old.

She was born just a generation past slavery; a time when there were no cars on the road or planes in the sky; when someone like her couldn’t vote for two reasons – because she was a woman and because of the colour of her skin.And tonight, I think about all that she’s seen throughout her century in America – the heartache and the hope; the struggle and the progress; the times we were told that we can’t, and the people who pressed on with that American creed: Yes we can.

At a time when women’s voices were silenced and their hopes dismissed, she lived to see them stand up and speak out and reach for the ballot. Yes we can.

When there was despair in the dust bowl and depression across the land, she saw a nation conquer fear itself with a New Deal, new jobs and a new sense of common purpose. Yes we can. When the bombs fell on our harbour and tyranny threatened the world, she was there to witness a generation rise to greatness and a democracy was saved. Yes we can.

She was there for the buses in Montgomery, the hoses in Birmingham, a bridge in Selma, and a preacher from Atlanta who told a people that “We Shall Overcome.” Yes we can.

A man touched down on the moon, a wall came down in Berlin, a world was connected by our own science and imagination. And this year, in this election, she touched her finger to a screen, and cast her vote, because after 106 years in America, through the best of times and the darkest of hours, she knows how America can change. Yes we can.

America, we have come so far. We have seen so much. But there is so much more to do. So tonight, let us ask ourselves – if our children should live to see the next century; if my daughters should be so lucky to live as long as Ann Nixon Cooper, what change will they see? What progress will we have made?

This is our chance to answer that call. This is our moment. This is our time – to put our people back to work and open doors of opportunity for our kids; to restore prosperity and promote the cause of peace; to reclaim the American Dream and reaffirm that fundamental truth – that out of many, we are one; that while we breathe, we hope, and where we are met with cynicism, and doubt, and those who tell us that we can’t, we will respond with that timeless creed that sums up the spirit of a people: Yes We Can.

Thank you, God bless you, and may God Bless the United States of America.
How To Shower Like a Woman

Take off clothes and place them sectioned in laundrybasket according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note todo more sit-ups / leg-lifts, etc. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair.

Shave armpits and legs. Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tile cleaner. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see partner along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

How To Shower Like a Man

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom.I f you see partner along the way, shake willy at her making the 'woo-woo' sound. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your willy and scratch your bum.

Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your bum, leaving those coarse bum hairs stuck on the soap.

Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohican. Wee. Rinse off and get out of shower. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of bath the whole time. Admire willy size in mirror again. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist.If you pass partner, pull off towel, shake willy at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again. Throw wet towel on bed.

"This too shall pass"

Who said that? Where is that quote from because it's a great quote. It is my comfort right now because I am offcially psycho girl. The madness has found me!

It's hormones time and mine's raging. I get very annonyed when women are judged on behaviour because of what their body is doing but I have to surrender this time. Even though we are rational beings, the body can take over from time to time.

Just in the previous post I rejoiced that my older cousin was pregnant only for her collaspe on Sunday night in pain because her body had miscarried. I was soooooooo sad and I felt her pain keenly. Talking to her on the phone on Monday morning I found myself crying with her on the road on the way to work. Oh Lord give comfort! I don't do emphatic crying so I was quite surprised.

Also because she is my H.O.D at work I had to tell my manager and then I started crying again! Haba! My poor manager said I should go home, I told her NO! That is not the Nigerian way, that's not how we roll, we tough it out. So I worked but got to go to the hospital in the evening (armed with glossy mags) to see her and she is doing as fine as can be expected.

I am also very cranky, but that one I am used to! What's new in the mix is that my Dad is around so I have to watch myself as I know that my temper is quite short in my new psycho girl mood. Also as per diet, chocolate is now not an option! So I'm holding all the narky sarcastic comments I want to make in my head ;)

To add salt to the wound, I'm errrmmmm hot (and I don't mean temperature wise). It has never been this bad before. I have done a poll and my friends say that they are on heat at this time in the month and it can get quite ridiculous but this is the first time I have reached 'quite ridiculous' stage.

Seriously I'll be on the phone talking to Baked Beans (I should seriously think of changing that name) and he will be talking about something perfectly mundane, maybe even serious and I'll be turning into a puddle of liquid mush! Na wa Oh! It's just the sound of his voice is enough. The last conversation we had I don't think I can even recall what we were talking about. Luckily this time he didn't catch on, because if he had the conversation would have taken a left turn into Naughty Land and I would have caught on fire for sure!

So I'm just waiting it out and hoping I don't scare or kill anyone for now.......

OK yes October has been generally crappy, yes the skies are darker earlier and everyone is wearing their black coats but I am going to force myself to remember good things! By fire, by force!!
I bought my Mum a phone for the first time and I loved the look on her face. It's something she has always wanted and because I have steady paycheck (that makes sense) for the first time in my life, I could do that. That was lovely, she made us laugh because she started singing and dancing in the front room :)
Another happy thing is that now, when I Google my blog name, it comes up as the second, third and fourth reference on the list! Yeahhhhh. Before it never even showed! That's as close to world domination as I come for now. The pictures on my blog are also all over Google images which is a bit weird!
More happy things? My cousin is pregnant and she has been trying for ages, so hurray for Jesus! Ohhh and I got a commendation from the higher powers at work about an event I attended on behalf of the College.
Talking about work, my manager saw that I was looking low and decided to announce that she can lick her elbow!!! (Try it, it's not easily done). That now lead us to start exposing our own party tricks (I can put my foot over my head), they had me in giggling fits.
OK, see? Feeling better already.
Work isn't working for me right now. Some colleagues keep annoying me with their systematic way of making my job harder for no obvious reason than they are just being silly!!! I think I need a holiday or something new in my life. Sirus said we should celebrate the 'now' and I'm trying to but it's not working.

I have a birthday party tomorrow and I don't want to go.

I have gym tonight and I don't want to go.

I hate my stupid diet.

I hate the Nigerian High Commission in London.

If I get one more inter-office email I will scream.

My hair is failing me but I can't take it out yet.

I'm going to put in my earphones and get some music therapy.
Actual phone conversation between my friend and I regarding what she will wear for a charity fundraiser I've invited her too....

Friend: "Hey Caramel I know you will be taking a lot of pictures at the event because it is being hosted by your town's people but please don't take my picture."

Caramel D: "But why not? You're my friend and you'll be on my table. How can I not take your picture?"

Friend: "Because you'll post that picture on facebook and I want to wear an outfit that has been on facebook now three times. Three times is the facebook limit on outfits and I don't want the outfit appearing on facebook for the fourth time."

Hahaha the only thing more bizarre than her request is that I understood what she was saying!! What have we been turned to?
I really want to write but work is deep! My manager is on leave so all roads leads to my desk this week and when I come home I'm off to the gym or I just crash!

Issues at hand:

  • The dieting is harrrrrrrddddd! I miss biscuits especially in times of stress but I shall remain strong. Week two has just finished and I'm down 6 pounds so it's all good.
  • My Dad is in town this weekend for a while so I shall practice deep breathing and meditation and hopefully we won't kill each other.
  • Sugar!!! I'm meant to subscribe to Sky Sports for him and I've forgotten chai!
  • Also haven't called Baked Beans in a while (1 1/2 weeks but who's counting?) and I haven't cracked yet so it's all gravy baby!
  • The Nigerian High Commission, London needs to sort itself out and destroy their website and start again for the love of all that is good and pure in the world.
  • I need to shop seriously! My wardrobe can't cope with the work social dos and my own personal life, but abeg the UK is in the midst of serious financial crisis, shouldn't I be saving?
  • Life is a bit blah right now, but I say celebrate the ordinary and find ways to add colour and cheer yourself up! I'm a great believer in dancing in your underwear in front of the mirror, so........

Man shot three times in street by racist gunman - for wearing Barack Obama T-shirt
By Daily Mail ReporterLast updated at 6:01 PM on 07th October 2008

A man told today how he was shot three times in a London street for wearing a Barack Obama T-shirt.
Dube Egwuatu was buying a mobile telephone top-up card in an off-licence when the gunman confronted him and glared at the top, which carries an image of the Democrat US presidential candidate underneath the legend 'Believe'.
The man then launched into a tirade of racist slurs, shouting 'I f***ing hate n*****s' and urging 36-year-old Mr Egwuatu to leave the shop with him.

The man then left the shop but when Mr Egwuatu re-emerged, the attacker was waiting for him in broad daylight with a threatening-looking dog and holding a gun behind his back.
Realising what had sparked the increasingly violent assault, the terrified Mr Egwuatu zipped up his jacket to cover the image of Mr Obama and walked to his car.

But the shaven-headed man, who was white, followed Mr Egwuatu and after pulling open the passenger door pointed the gun at him.
After pleading with the man to leave him alone, the married former street warden put the keys in the ignition and turned the engine on.
The attacker then fired the gas-powered ball-bearing pistol three times, hitting the civil servant in the face, hand and shoulder.
Fearing for his life and bleeding heavily, Mr Egwuatu raced away in his car and found somewhere safe to call for help.

He was taken to hospital and later sent to have a piece of metal removed from his jaw.
Mr Egwuatu, a data analyst with Croydon Council, said: 'The venom in his voice was frightening.
'He was telling me that he was going to kill me.
'I couldn't believe it was happening - and just because I was wearing an Obama T-shirt. He was trying to make me walk somewhere quieter, saying: 'I've got something for you,' and 'I'm going to kill you.'
He added: 'Obama inspires me, his educational track record alone is quite unbelievable - that is why I was wearing the T-shirt.
'I did not think for one minute it could stir up such powerful feelings of hatred and I never said a word to him.'

Mr Egwuatu's wife, Angela, 35, said neither of them had experienced anything like it during their childhood in Nigeria.
Mrs Egwuatu, an immigration officer, said: 'At first my feelings were pure horror and now it is pure anger.
'If he had been carrying a real gun I would have been a widow. It is just ridiculous.
'I don't know how a person's mentality works. Why would a T-shirt get you to the point where you want to shoot someone.'
To the untrained eye, ball-bearing guns like the one used in the attack look every bit like a real firearm.
The potentially lethal weapons are often converted by criminals to fire real bullets, and can be bought easily in high-street shops and on websites.

The Met said it was investigating the incident, which took place in South Norwood, and that police searched a nearby house which the attacker was seen going into.
No one has been arrested.

My last set of ramblings (I hope).
When I came back to London I was very wary of calling him. First of all I wanted a clean break and secondly his behaviour towards me was rude and very odd. When I didn't call he said I had forgotten him, but when I did call he was cold! Haba! After one bad conversation, I used anger to call him back and tell him off! I think he was shocked but I was spitting fire! I told him if he couldn't find person I used to talk to everyday in Nigeria then he should stop calling me here in London!
His behaviour changed after that. He explained that he felt that I was quick to was my hands and move on! (If only). Now though as I type this I'm angry. I feel like I'm being made to play a game by rules I don't like. I enjoy talking to him, he calls as much I do but he will be the first to tell me that he can't do commitment.
I'll be skipping along getting more entangled in my feelings for him then one day he will wake up and announce that he is marrying some girl like that. (Apparently this happens quite a lot in Naija) LOL.
I'm not saying ladies in committed relationships are immune to heartbreak, but if it goes pear shaped at least they can remember what they were fighting for. I have no such claim. I need to wake up and smell the coffee before I get seriously hurt. I also need to have a plan for Christmas as I am going home and temptation will be strong.

Soooooooooooo where were we? HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY!

Forgive my erratic story telling. I'm on a low-carb diet and I'm sugar deprived!

Ehen back to my ramblings jare.

I was in my home town for about a week before I saw him. I used the excuse that I was going to see my cousin and his wife (Baked Bean's sister) and he came to pick me from my house. When he came out of his car i knew there was trouble. Yes I saw all his physical faults and catalogued them well but it didn't stop me fancying the pants off him.

It was great seeing my cousin's family but all the kids madness and amusements couldn't stop me feeling this boy's eyes on me. He also looked for my trouble the whole time I was there. Saying things to wind me up and setting his nephew upon me at every opportunity. By the time he dropped me off home that night I was ready to send assassins to kill him.

This post is not long enough to catalogue texts, conversations, looks but basically the heat between us was not in my imagination. At one point when we were 'on an errand' for my Aunt , I knew he wanted to kiss me but he held back and this point I'm not going to lie I wanted to jump him but life was making sure we never got 5 seconds alone.

A few days before I was due to go back to Lagos to fly back to London, I got to have a whole afternoon with him. I thought it would be like before, errands, arguments and sexual tension but it didn't pan out that way. To cut a long story short, I got the best 2 hours I have had in 2008 till date LOL!! We still actually refer to that afternoon like it happened in a dream or something (maybe it did).

What am I banging on about?

In my limited experience I've noticed that guys don't listen to what a girl wants, they just rush in with some kind of agenda for foreplay in their head or something. Not this time. I got what I wanted and boy oh boy did I get it well :) His hands were talented, his lips were magic and yours sincerely tried to reciprocate in kind. Sexual fantasy punctuated with laughter and conversation, who thought it could be possible?

He once said how can that one afternoon mean so much when we didn't go the whole 9 yards? You see that is my problem I am glad that we didn't because if we had I would be having a much harder time than I'm having now.

Do you know why I call him Baked Beans? Because what you see on the label is exactly what you get in the tin, no surprises no gimmicks. He has never promised anything, never said anything he didn't mean so therefore anybody with an ounce of sense would leave this situation as there is absolutely no hint of commitment.

Then what am I still doing?

OK So we do work in our office but my colleague (graphic designer) has been using Photoshop to convert my picture into pop art. He got it, apart from my skin tone (darker than normal) which he says is not in his data base LOL! I think his software hasn't mastered the black people's rainbow!
PS I do want to continue my Baked Beans story but I need to be in a zone to finish and I'm not there yet....

I'm just going to write this before I loose my nerve.

There are better ways to write this and I really should put in some back history but I'm wired and can't think straight. I need help. I need some unbiased advise from people who don't see me everyday ...... please be those people.

If you have perused my blog from scratch and had the free time to analyse you would have noticed that there were two guys I mentioned who affected my kolo sense while I was in Nigeria. We won't count ex-hottie because technically he was affecting my kolo senses from England. One was B (hmm) and the second guy didn't even get a name (LOL), but we can call him Party Boy (cos 9/10 times when you call him he was in a bar/club/joint).

Anyways, there really were three. I call them the Trilogy because when I got to Nigeria I had huge stupid crushes on two guys but it was a dead end street then all of a sudden three other guys in the last six months of my stay came out of nowhere.

The last guy is my cousin's brother-in-law. I have known him for ages but honestly did not even think of him in that way at all. He was just that person who you see around Christmas and at weddings and say what's up to etc.

Well when I was in my hometown for Christmas last year, I went to his house with my cousin and borrowed some novels from him. I unexpectedly had to run back to Lagos because my stupid MD was giving me a query for having a life. When I got his calls I rightly assumed that it was because I had skipped town with his brand new expensive best sellers.

After we settled that I would send them back, I was really puzzled as to why the phonecalls continued with conversations like:

  • How are you doing?

  • How was work?

  • What did you do today?

  • Etc

Why is this guy calling me like we are best of buds from back in the day? I honestly was puzzled. It took me an even longer while to realise that he was flirting with me! You should have seen my face. I wasn't having it! There were too many issues (that explanation needs a whole other blog), I didn't like him and as he was good friends with many male members of my family I knew that the women around them were like Moses and the Red Sea (a high wall on both sides).

But he was persistant, he made me laugh, he loved books with the same intensity I did, he didn't laugh at my problems and he was a dangerous flirt. I soon found myself crumbling. I smile when I remember the nights at home in Lagos with Phoenix in the background shouting "If you don't like him why are you blushing/leaving the room to take the call/smiling that secret smile/giggling? Yea yea girl!!"

Soooo I got hooked via phone, no night was complete without phone calls ot texts or both. He was lecturing in the east, I was banking in Lagos, it was all about the phone.

Until I finished NYSC and came to the east to see my family before I flew back to London. Then I didn't have the distance to protect me. I was going to see him face to face. Unlike the ever doubting Phoenix I was sure that I could hack it. In fact I would see him and realise that what we had on the phone could not translate to the physical. We would see each other and pick out faults and laugh at our stupidity. I would be safe, no problem.

It didn't work that way that all.

Devil is a liar!! Join me in thanksgiving!
* Contains strong language.

I have a fabulous job as a PR & Marketing Officer for a large College in central London. Now we just don't offer the normal A-Levels, Diploma type things in my College, we also do Adult courses (brings in good money). Right, I work in the 14-19 section but our Adult team was stretched thin so I volunteered to go with our student street team and put in some new booklets in letterboxes for a couple of hours; so far so good.

We have six campuses and I met my student partner in our centre in Euston. All around there are flats and estates and we got to one high rise flat and she said let's try here! I wasn't thrilled and told her. I'm very prejudiced to high rise flats as all sorts of crimes happen there, but this building was very secure. You need an electronic tag to get into the building and one to get into the lift so when a resident came by and let us in I had no real objections (my spirit doesn't agree doesn't really count).

We decided to ride the lift to the top floor and climb down stairs as we dropped the booklets door by door. In our lift a lady got off at the 7th floor, then a guy got off at the 15th floor. I pressed 18th and we went up. Then the lights flickered, died and the lift stopped!

I pressed and pressed no response. I pressed the door open button, no response. I kept pressing
the door open button because I thought we are at the floor and the door is jammed, no response. Haba! At this point, we both notice that the alarm button is missing at my student worker , let's call her Nikki, starts repeating; "Fuck- oh sorry. Fuck - oh sorry." I look at her and see her panic and told her to stop apologising for swearing and in my head I'm saying, "Fuuuuuuuuuuuucccccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkk, I stuck in a council lift with no alarm button."

By this time two minutes in real Jack Bauer time have passed and no one has heard us, plus our phones don't have any reception. I decided to try the 15th floor as that's the last time the doors opened. I pressed the button and the lift shudders, jerks and stops before we moved to the next floor, thereby we are now BETWEEN FLOORS!

Nikki is shaking and saying don't press the ground floor we will drop, don't press it! I understand her panic and I want to join her but as I'm staff and older I have to pretend to be calm. I think to myself no way, I just had a birthday, nothing is going to happen to me, I have so much to do (that's a whole other post) and Jesus no go allow!

I look at Nikki and jab the G button rapidly. See the shaking!!! The lift shook like it's dancing and just dropped! No smooth ride, no slow motion, nobody calling the lift on their floor(where is everyone?), just whossh!

When we got out, we fairly ran out of the lift and the building. All I kept saying was thank you Jesus! I looked at Nikki and said, next time we listen to my gut feelings!! She nodded and quietly asked if we could go back to the College before we set out again. I asked her why and she replied;

"I need the bathroom, when we went down I nearly wet my pants."
Last night I came back from the gym to have my Mum say to me, "Oh you must have known what your Dad was calling about. He said that do you realise that you have roughly two years to get married and that your time is running out and that you can't get married because you are fat."

They have started again!!! They have started!!

I have been on such a nice high since this month started and this is temptation to make me miserable again. I won't allow it! I just won't. I calmly informed my Mother that in all my years of my Law degree, I didn't read about a statute of limitations on when to get married. Then I went to my room to breathe. You know the funny thing. This is typical of my Dad, what I don't want is my Mum repeating such messages to me. They do not enrich my life in any way ! I got mad, them I listened to music and put on my Pride and Prejudice DVD (it was that or chocolate so really...)

This morning by sheer coincidence, it's quite spooky, my friend who knew nothing about this sent this to me by email. Take comfort from it(if it applies), I like it!


By TD Jakes

Just because no one has been fortunate enough to
realize what a gold mine you are,
Doesn't mean you shine any less.

Just because no one has been smart enough to figure out
that you can't be topped,
Doesn't stop you from being the best.

Just because no one has come along to share your life,
Doesn't mean that day isn't coming.

Just because no one has made this race worthwhile,
Doesn't give you permission to stop running.

Just because no one has realized how much of an
awesome woman you are,
Doesn't mean they can affect your femininity.

Just because no one has shown up who can love you on
your level, Doesn't mean you have to sink to theirs.

Just because you deserve the very best there is,
Doesn't mean that life is always fair.

Just because God is still preparing your king,
Doesn't mean that you're not already a Queen.

Just because your situation doesn't seem to be progressing
right now, doesn’t mean you need to change a thing.

Keep shining, keep running, Keep hoping, and keep praying,
Keep being exactly what you are already. COMPLETE!!
Send this on to your female friends who need
to keep on doing what they do best.



.....but I'm 27 not 10!!
Nothing has physically changed. I still have a rapidly disappearing hairline, gap teeth, big hips and no man BUT I feel fabulous! Absolutely super!!!
I can take on the world one challenge at a time!
No mountain too high!
No river too deep!
You get the general idea.
WHY?? Because I am loved!
I have no shame in saying that I am loved and I am treasured! I have had an emotional weekend because my birthday made me realise that I have a Forbes 500 list of Friends and Family.
You see when you have people that care about what you think, how you feel, what you did, the shackles of life just fall free from your arms and legs. The day to day grind doesn't hurt anymore. You have a bounce in your step and a wiggle in your bum (ha).
Sorry if I'm coming all Mary Poppins over you but it's my party and I'll laugh if I want to.
Talking about my party, we went out for dinner at a local Indian and we were a bunch of 15 laughing, noisy so called adults! Whatever we made the restaurant pop! I wanted something a bit different as I am trying to wean myself off Nandos !!!
After that it was off to my house for desert and drinks (also known as shaks)! Quite a lot of people came and you had that nice feeling of a house party where people are chatting and laughing. I must say though my different groups of friends were getting on a bit too well and swapping stories of me misbehaving, hmmm! (I know where you all live)
I got great presents (that never hurts) including a packet of Jaffa Cakes from ex-hottie (read my profile you will understand).
High points of weekend 1. No less than four Aunties and a Father telling me that my wedding count down was officially ticking! I suddenly had visual of a big clock covered in lace and tulle!
High points of weekend 2. My friend making a happy birthday video on facebook for me then setting it wrong, so now everyone can see it! Classic!! She raps and sings!
I did miss some special people from Naija but I was thinking about you all and thank you for calling xxxxxx
I wish you all a great vibe this week, I want you all to feel like Kings and Queens. If work gets you down tomorrow just sing this in your head if you are:
NOT NIGERIAN: The theme song from Rocky when he runs up those steps or "Eye of the Tiger".
NIGERIAN: The song we would sing when in class in secondary school and we had no lessons "Number one step on the stage, show us your disco dancing steps: Say oops ehh, say oops ehhh!"
Some things happen to me and I wonder if they happen to other people? So therefore if I come across these things I will share them with you all so that you may avoid similar pitfalls. Here are two things I need to share and there might be many more so at the beginning of some of my posts you may see:

Caramel Delight says:

Don't mix brandy and Apple Tango. Just don't go there! It's nasty and tastes like the medicine your Mum used to force you to take when you were a child.

For the ladies, carry a spare pashmina and keep in your drawers at the office in case your nipples start showing (even though you wore a padded bra and your top had an under layer!!). If not you will have to wear your jacket in the office and lie and tell people you are cold. Office pashmina is also good for lunch time stains on your top or if you sat on something!

My Father has always been a bit of a drama queen but last night he crossed the boundaries of good taste.

Even though my Mum and I back from our trip to America, he is still there with my brother but has been on a bit of a tour going to different states where numerous family members live. Right now he is in his brother's house and I don't particularly like this Uncle and have been dodging calling my Dad in case this Uncle in question picks up. The few times I have tried to speak to my Dad, we found out that he had gone out. Right.

Last night he calls and tells me on the phone, something along the lines of, "I am comforted in the knowledge that when I die, you will not miss me because you get on so well without talking to me when I am alive!".


I was livid!! Absolutely shocked. Normally I would have madesome half hearted response but I wasn't having it!!! I exploded! I didn't raise my voice but I didn't let him speak over me either. I just said that that was a horrible (I said horrible around 10 times) and horrid thing to say. I told he had gone too far and as an educated man he could have found other words and phrases to tell me off for not calling rather than going THERE!! I mean some things are sacrilegious, how can you tell your only daughter that she will be fine when you die??? Tu fia kwa! (Igbo).

I was simmering but passed the phone over to my Mum, but when she later asked me what happened then I burst into tears (yeeeesssss I know, women!). My Aunt, when she heard what happened said " least you told him off and burst into tears after the phonecall."

I had to do deep breathing for the rest of the evening, I was still so pissed off!

Anyway that was last night, today is a new day and I am on the move with goals in sight. I will tell you all later.
I was reading one of my favourite blogs and the post of the day was an established blogger's tips on how to keep your blog interesting. I was working my way down the list and most of what he was saying made sense and I got to number 13 it said "be startlingly honest".......

That line struck such a chord with me because I have noticed something.

When I started blogging it was such a release for me. So many things were happening in Nigeria and I thought if I don't get these things down I will forget and will not believe my own memories. So I wrote! With such vigour and my fingers flying off the keyboard. Then when my friends started reading and I did particularly naughty things or get into weird situations I found myself censoring my blog!


Why do that? In moments of honesty I knew it was because of some of my friends who know a particular aspect of me who would be startled to read some other errrmmmmm private accounts, painful accounts etc. Most of them know all the crazy, but not all! Well that is such a cop out! Another blog that comforted me through so many boring and stressful days is Laide's and she is so honest! She doesn't hold back and her words ring true and proud!

So I hereby make a declaration that I will not edit information out of my blog. Maybe my experiences will help some of the other 10 people that read my blog :) but most importantly it will be a true account for me to look back on further down the line.

PS You have been warned! LOL
My friend told me last weekend, that she had a blind date and she was put off because the man in question treated the date like a business merger, telling her what he wants in his future life partner, and how the children should be raised. Her exact words were that he came on all 'uncle like' with his five year plan and his motto of "if you fail to plan, then plan to fail". According to my friend Jill every time she tried to move to other topics he wouldn't be budged.

She concluded by telling me she was going to send him an email telling him that she wasn't interested (as he had scared her off). The following is what I saw in my inbox today and I have followed her suggestion to spread her cautionary tale LOL

*Names have been changed for privacy!

If you thought I was exagerating about my blind date, please read the exchange below (feel free to circulate to any females who could benefit from my cautionary tale)...........

Thanks for your reply. I think the content of your email proves to me that we don't have compatible personalities. I think you're approaching things quite seriously and that's not the type of person I am. Thanks again. I wish you well but I don't think I'll be in contact again. Jill

Subject: Re:

Many thanks on receipt of your email....I must write that though I wasn't expecting to read from you this soon as I thought you need ample time to reflect and identify what I really want at this stage, bearing in mind you may be in contact to ask more questions. On the contrary your thot is highly appreciated, respected , & has not gone un-noted!

Sunday was nice, thanks to you!

It appears you did not get a proper feel for what I am looking for as per the context of your mail; convincingly explaining further on your thots shall be much appreciated as this will help us identify and resolve other mitigating factors amicably.

You will appreciate that unless we allocate time and personal zeal to meeting, conversing, and socialising together; I shall consider myself to be helpless with no opportunity to portraying my personality and what I really want at this stage.

I must stress that majority of the issues discussed was on a forecasting basis, not necessarily now.

Quite frankly in my opinion establishing personal needs on a first date, need not be a major determinant. Perhaps you did not feel the spark, I strongly believe the above can be worked on most especially by spending time together; but of-course we are two different peeps!

Candidly, I felt the spark on Sunday and quoting my words to you 'having you as a companion will be much appreciated'.
Have you asked Jack happy with what I want? I am.

Jill, I would appreciate speaking to you further on receipt of your contact number; please accept my thanks in advance for honouring my request.

How has the week been for you so far, hope you have fused into it well?

Please look after yourself, whilst waiting in anticipation to reading from you?

Assuring you of my best intention at all times.

Kind Rgds


Comments please! I have had this type of date before but never this deep! Oh dear! Our dates willl soon start having PowerPoint presentations ;)

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl 'Will you marry me?'

The girl said, 'NO!'

And the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping, dancing, drank whole bottles of wine, chatted for hours on the phone to friends, always had a clean house, watched chick flicks without feeling guilty, never had to cook, did whatever the hell she wanted, never argued, didn't get fat, didn’t have to pay for dual view tv, travelled more, had a career, had many lovers, didn't save money, and had all the hot water to herself.
She went to the theatre, never watched sports, owned every remote control in the house, never wore friggin lacy lingerie that went up her arse, had high self esteem, never cried or yelled, and felt and looked fabulous all the time.


I think this was written by a woman on the edge! Its hilarious!

So sick of keeping quiet!!!!!!!

Don't say this, don't say that. don't rock the boat, be nice!!!

Be nice my bum!!!!
I'm getting better as I get older because I realise somethings need to be said for my own piece of mind but ohhhhhhhhhh there are some people that as I am talking to them I'm thinking "if only I could say what I want to."

For therapeutic reasons feel free to join me in venting! I won't enter my 27th year with certain things on my mind! LET'S GO!!!!

  • Get a life!!!
  • Stop calling me only when you need something.
  • If you keep f*&king around on that girl she will leave you and you will regret it for the rest of your life.
  • Don't think I'm crying because you don't call me anymore, I have plenty of family so seeing you at weddings and birthdays is good enough for me.
  • I love you but I think you are getting married too soon just for marrying sake and haven't spent enough time getting to know your man properly.
  • No I don't drive, and until you are ready to pay for my test and lessons you can shut up about it!

If I remember anymore I'll put it up!

"Stop being a grumpy cow!" - DGirl
"He's got the whole world in his hands.....(and the rest of the hymn)" DGirl
"Call that guy" - Neny
"Do you want Ugly Betty re-runs?" - Phoenix
"Try horlicks" - VV
"You need to have sex" - DGirl
"Drink gin" - Chris

These are just snipets of ideas from my blessed friends around the world. Thanks to a sleeping pill. I slept for a whole night undisrturbed for the first time in two weeks last night so I feel better. I still have an aversion to people, a short temper and don't feel like calling anyone but it's not so bad. You just need to know that I am blessed with people that care for me. Take my Emerald Queen (the sexiest Irish woman I know) for example. She asked me out on Sunday to which I declined saying I didn't want to leave my house this weekend. She replied with wise words to cheer me up! When I replied that I was now very sure that I loved her, please read her reply:

"Darling if I wasn’t Catholic and straight I’d have waved a diamond under your nose long ago. I could be a good daughter-in-law. I could learn Igbo. I could look fine in a fishtail skirt’n’matching-blouse. I can learn and respect the finer points of weave maintenance. I might not look great in a head wrap (and nevermind learning to actually pin one up) but I am willing to try it. The key to a successful and lasting relationship is compromise and willingness to be flexible.

Ultimately, isn’t it a shame about the man-thing? The sad thing is that they have no appreciation for things like haircare knowledge, no matter how hard you have to try at it."

LOL, I rest my case! Who told her about the fish tail skirts?! I only take the blame for weave and all things fake hair :)

I love you ladies xxx
I am losing control over my life and wish it was a video where I could press pause and sort stuff out, then press play again when I have a grip.

And no it's not my time of the month thank you very much!

I'm also getting anti-social. My friend is coming around for a few days to chill because her house is a construction zone and I wish she wouldn't but can't say anything. How do you explain that you love that there is no food in the house and you want it to stay that way. that you don't feel well and do not want to make conversation and that right now you would gladly not speak to anyone longer than five minutes?

Also I my weight has crept up and I wish I could stop harping on about it but I can't. Right now honestly I would give anything for pills or appetite suppressants or something! I am quite shocked at where my mind has gone regarding my weight but I still think it. I would gladly go over to the dark side if it would at least give me a kick start.

Normally when I write I feel better, but right now I don't feel better, the dark clouds are still gathering.
It has never been like this before, but that does mean that I won't get burnt sooner or later? Every rational thought says there is no future in this, just cut yourself off from this man and be done with it but I can't seem to listen. I was so cold for so long and wouldn't be moved. I turned myself to the Ice Queen I wanted to be but he has been carving nicks for the past 8 months and is slowly cracking my wall of ice and frost.

The power trip doesn't help my rational thinking either. To see the effect I have on him, to feel actual real female power does wonderful things for my ego, it really does and it can make you drunk. Yet even with the funny texts, the steamy phone calls, the long chats about life issues, I still hold back. I can't give all of myself because I have no assurances that to do so would be safe. I have been beaten over the head before so now I have learnt to duck when I feel the blow coming.

I guess that means that there is still a rational part of me left, I have to be in control somehow. Is that wisdom?
It's official! When I go on vacation I don't blog. This is the second time it has happened. I think I lock everything down to get a rest and distance myself from normally life as I know it which includes blogging! To be fair in this case, the first week I was so tired I didn't leave the house my first week. I pottered around in jogging bottoms, went for long walks and played scrabble with my Uncle.

The second week then the circus (my Mum's family) came from all around. America, Nigeria, Canada and England. I learnt a big lesson you can hate someone in five minutes and love them in the next five when they are your loved ones. Complete chaos, we had 17 kids at one time not to mention adults and visitors !!!!! One minute I'm shouting at them not to leave dirty dishes in the sink and the next minute we are dancing to my Aunty's sound system.

Oh the house!!! What a house!! Three floors, five bedrooms, four sitting rooms, two dinning rooms, three bathrooms, office, two kitchens...God bless Americans and their space to build!!! Outside looked like Wisteria Lane all manicured lawns and shrubbery. The only down side is if you don't have a car , then go and sleep because there is no king but the automobile. I only went out/shopping twice and then I had to hustle for a ride but it was all good!!

I'll tell you about the party later but on a sad note I stupidly packed my Cousin's maple syrup in my hand luggage and they took it off me :( See what terrorism has turned us into!!! The important thing was that I got a chance to spend proper time with my brother which is invaluable.

PS Do you want to laugh? Ex-hottie's girlfriend sent me a friend request on Facebook! Have I not come a long way? Can someone please clap for me because I am growing! From the very sound of her name making me feel ill to me accepting her friend request on Facebook! Haba that is maturity oh jare! Like I said before she is cool, so what can one do?

My Dad is around for a couple of weeks. He is also going to America for the family reunion but he isn't big on the country so he came to Ol' Blighty first for some rest. We were talking about a cousin of mine who according to my Dad left the Catholic Church (worst thing ever in the eyes of my Father) to join an African Independent Church because according to my Dad, "she was looking for a husband, which still hasn't come."

Now I'm not going to start blogging about which religion is good for one's soul because cyberspace is only so big, but what made me sad is what you constantly find in Nigeria which is desperate people going from one church to another seeking a solution to a particular thorny issue in their life. Many a time I have seen a banner in Lagos saying " WE WILL BRING YOU HUSBAND, BABIES, MONEY etc", like the Church is some kind of supermarket where you order to your particular needs. It isn't about that, find your relationship with God and stick with it even in desperate times. A church is about community and family, having somewhere to worship together. The problems won't change with a different church location, they will change with your acceptance of the the power of God in your life.

I worry though you know. Yes, I worry that I too may become like my cousin. Not the Church part, but the no husband in your thirties part. I don't want a husband as some kind of status symbol but as a partner, lover and friend. Someone who has your back always, where the both of you form your own personal A-Team! LOL

I know I'm lonely now, but to still be like this ten years from now, I shudder, I think I'm actually getting goosebumps. The problem also is that the more panicked a woman gets the more likely she is to choose the wrong person, which is even worse. I pray now (because God surfs the net too) that I will have the man who is worthy of me and vice versa. Who will not quail at the sight of my huge family, who will understand that I can't talk during my sitcoms and who will make me see life with new eyes. He will love God and love me, knowing full well that I love him without conditions and will join me to make our home a haven on this stormy planet, Amen.
The last set of ranting about my weekend.

I am on my way across the pond, to the land of stars and stripes. Why? Because my Mum's baby sister is having a 40th birthday party to end all 40th birthday parties (her words) and it has also turned into a family reunion. I'm already stressed as it is because my Mum's sisters favourite topic is my weight but I was going to 'man up' and get through the two weeks. I'm not asking for much just a chance to hang with my baby brother and sleep!

I'm flying with an American airline that will give you 2 x 23 kg right? Well my Mum hijacks one suitcase and packs it with things for my Aunty that you can't find in America like coloured bleach and I saw that one coming she does it all the time so whatever! What got me was that she now packed a little bag of 5kg with some stuff for my brother for my other suitcase!! She didn't tell me till the night she was going because she knew I would flip. My temper is up but I'm still breathing......

SO when she starts calling me from Minnesota with a growing shopping list of things she still needs and for some reason can't get in America I have to ask if they can't be bought there? WOW She flips on the phone and screams at me, and yells that I am now 'too white' and I shouldn't bring anything anymore!! I give up! This is why I should have had more siblings, I shouldn't see through this madness on my own.

Soooo to bring up the weekend of trial and tribulation I now realise that I have lost all feeling on the left side of my right foot and all that I have there is a numbness like perpetual pins and needles! It is totally freaking me out. My doctor says she can't do much for me and that if I am stressed it might be the cause and I need to relax! Oh boy! At some point on Sunday evening I just wanted to cry, but then I tried to get a grip.

Only highlight was going out with the girls to a night of disco classics, Motown hits and cheesy rock on Friday night! It was a great!!! No 50Cent in sight LOL! I have also discovered that Phat Lady has an actual flair for air guitar hahahaha.
Are you sitting comfortably? Let me tell you a story.

Once upon a time there was this lovely young girl who liked hanging out with her cousin and his new wife. One day his new wife said to the girl (called CD) "You are in London, do you know my brother? When you go back after this visit make you sure you give him these messages and keep the communication going." So CD called the brother (DH) and they chatted from time to time. One day while visiting her cousin's home again, CD bumped into DH and they were introduced. He was happy to put a name to the face and so was she. Later he told her when they both get back to London they should meet up properly.

And so the story goes that CD met DH for a movie in south London. DH was not as charming or as lively as CD remembered but still had the energy to expertly try and brush his fingers across CD's boobs while watching the movie. Afterwards DH drove CD to the nearest train station and while CD was expecting a kiss goodnight was promptly treated to some unforeseen sweater action (her bra was never the same again).

There then followed after the 'interesting' date, sporadic phone calls from DH late at night where he wanted to come over, always late late at night, always during the week. CD always said no as she thought it was random and her house was full. The phone calls dwindled to nothing, CD chalked it up as experience and only called him months later after some bad men decided to bomb trains and buses in London.

Later CD found out that he had proposed to his girlfriend one month after the 'date', so CD was very happy not have bothered. THE END


Since that day I hadn't seen him or spoken to him till the week I came back from Nigeria. I had some stuff to give him from his family and he came to my house to pick it up. The visit lasted not even an hour. I gave him drinks and nibbles and he made me switch from my Agatha Christie film to the football results. It was all 'wow haven't you changed', 'you are all grown up and cool and calm', whatever! He came and he left.

Move to this Saturday (keep up nearly there) and he is in my house with his wife and toddler to see my cousin's wife that I have told you is kicking the stuffing out of the cancer in her body. The house is full as also in attendance is my Aunty to take over looking after the patient as my cousin (her son) has to go back to Naija for a bit. As we are all chatting this nitwit starts making out like me and him go waaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy back or something. Anything I say I like he concurs like he has some previous knowledge of my likes and dislikes. All my jokes are suddenly hilarious and he must laugh, shake his head and slap his thighs! One of my favourites is when he says 'Harrow traffic is mad ', how would you know exactly??? This is the second time in your life that you have been here!!!!

The all time winner is when I tried to lean on my cousin's wife lap and we laugh at her cos she scooted over no questions asked, DH's response is "Of course she is scared of you, you are a bully. You are ALWAYS bullying me"......... Hey!! Since when????? Dear blogsville, I swear that I have seen this boy 4 times in my entire life, where would I have bullied him?? He then spun out the Agatha Christie/sports tv thing like it was one big thing that was hilarious!!!!! I was sooooooooooooooooo pissed off!!!

Later when they left, my cousin's wife actually picked up on it and commented!!! She said that during the bullying thing his wife gave him a look! HABA! Why me? Why pull me into all these innuendos. I can't recount everything but with all the over familiarity it looked like we kick it and have some kind of friendship!!!!

Go away insensitive dufus! I don't know if he and the missus are having a row, but she works up north so they don't live together so shouldn't you be making the most of the weekend??? Grrrrr
This is my weekend starting on Friday afternoon!

There was a guy I met during my first week at work. He was doing promotional stuff for the gym where he worked and he tried to give me a flyer and I told him I already belong to the gym. So to cut a four week long story short this our guy (called FF) starts flirting and I thought what the hell, I gave him my number. Cue three weeks of random texting etc. In all fairness I had put him out of mind , so was very surprised when he called and asked me out for lunch...OK so far so normal.

On the day FF calls and says he will be tied up at work so can we meet at 2.30pm (my stomach grumbles but I say yes). 3pm he calls and apologises and asks that we meet in front of Sainsburys. At this time my spidey senses are tingling LOL! Really why a grocery store? So we meet and for sure we enter Sainsburys' and he buys his stuff and buy my lunch and we pay and we leave (excitement levels have dropped at this point).

Here is my reasoning, I could have done this buy myself, where is the va va voom? Sooo in a shopping complex full of eateries we were huddled in the cold wind trying to eat. It was OK for him, he had chicken! I had a salad and the wind kept blowing my food off the fork before I could put it in my mouth! Grrrrrr .

All through this I am valiantly trying to make conversation, I mean wasn't that the whole point to try and talk etc. Don't get me wrong, he wasn't rude but he wasn't there, that's for sure! 30 mins later FF starts wrapping up his rubbish, first he has to get back to work, then it's that he has to catch the bank! Oh please just go! His I'll call you later was totally ignorned by me, I'm not stupid, neither do I enjoy self inflicted torture. HABA!

PS Did I mention he is Nigerian of the Yoruba extraction. I thought my people knew how to show a girl a good time, not even money wise....what about your full attention?
....I finally started putting my words and experiences online, hoping that it would be a form of release at a time when I felt my world was a little out of control, that my emotions were threatening to overwhelm me and there was nowhere to rant and rave to the best of my abilities.

When I came back to London, I started to wonder that maybe I didn't have that much to say anymore and that my need for a blog was suddenly obsolete.

Errrrrr no.

A year on my world is still a little out of control, my emotions are still threatening to overwhelm me and I still need somewhere to rant and rave. A friend of mine has recently stopped blogging as he felt that he had no inspiration and no driving need to communicate, well not me. I feel that now more than ever I need to put all these feelings and events down because with the passage of time, my memory might convince me that things happened differently or not at all. WE CAN'T HAVE THAT!

SO VIVA LA BLOG ( the madness continues).
I only lost a pound..........boooooooooo. Must work harder, like they say in school reports. Well on the slimming club site they said it was a tub of lard off my hips so better than nothing init?!

I have had men on my mind! In a big way! One way or the other that's all I seem to be talking about... where to start? Phew!
I lost 2lbs!!!! I had the weekly weigh in last Monday but forgot to say. I was so relieved but I'm also a bit sceptical. You see I was way beyond bloated last week and now my period is over, maybe all I lost was the water weight? You see....

So the weigh in to watch will be next Monday's one. I'm also back at the gym so that should help. I want this to work so much that I can taste it!

Meanwhile, one of the priests from my university Catholic chaplaincy where I lived in university has given me a friend request on facebook!! Aha!! Really I have read articles about this type of thing but it was students whose lecturers where on facebook. What does one do about a priest?

I mean he was cool and everything but he wasn't our main Chaplin or one of the priests I worked with on special projects so I didn't see this one coming. Well I really shouldn't be perturbed, it's not like there are pictures of me on facebook swinging from a chandelier in a bikini (etc etc)!!!

I will accept the request and foster "priests trying to be cool", but I tell you if I see him at one of my night clubs next week......LOL

Hmmmm something is up this early morning! My normally cheerful manager has been quiet this morning. She was meant to be on leave till Wednesday but came in this Monday morning instead and she keeps dashing to speak on the phone. My Spidey senses are tingling and I am quite worried.

On a professional level I haven't had my Monday meeting with her to know what's up this week and all. I hope it's not a serious problem or man drama hmmm! It was her birthday on Sunday, the good vibes should be enough to last her till this afternoon at least! I am sending positive energy towards her desk (I have super powers you know!!)

Talking about birthdays...HAPPY BIRTHDAY PHEONIX!!!!!!
PS The cake is for you but it keeps moving to the top of the page ! It wants to be centre of attention.

Oh sh!t, I'm soooooooooo sleepy. I don't know what to do. I'm already blasting music in my ears through my phone and it is starting to lose it's power. Help!

Sometimes there are quite lulls in the office and I normally do some research for future work, trawl facebook or eat biscuits (are we surprised that I'm extra fat?). Well due to the fact that period pains rendered sleep useless last night I can't keep my eyes open to do the reading I need for my research. Facebook is boring of late so no help there and my days of mindless biscuit eating are over (can I get an Alleluia from the congregation?).


Daydreaming is a good option. I used to be so good at that, my imagination would take me anywhere I wanted to go, for example:

  • Backing dancer for Micheal Jackson
  • Backing singer for Micheal Jackson
  • Fan that gets randomly chosen to come on the stage and hug Michael Jackson (it was the 90s and I LOVED HIM)

What kind of daydreamer would I have been if I didn't have the requisite daydream about boys I had crushes on? In my imagination real obstacles would suddenly disappear like:

  • I would no longer be the tallest girl in my year and would now be a height that would render me cute and fanciable
  • We could have normal conversations without my/his friends spying on us in the playground
  • My hair wouldn't be in big bunches/plaits/thread but would instead be relaxed and flowing off my head
  • We would find ourselves in scenarios that would lend to longs talks (oh please, allow me I was 10 +) like the music cupboard after choir or orchestra practice, or helping our teachers after class on some project or the other.

Oh boy my mind could wander and wander it did. The problem with daydreaming at the age of 26 in a busy office is that your line manager would soon notice that you are not working. Anyway 20 minutes left, I'll think of something. Maybe I'll Google my name or something :-)


My cousin sent me this picture and I laughed so much that I thought I would share it.
Wow....100 posts of stories, musings and pure unadulterated ranting! hahaha.
This post is therefore a good time to blab that I've gone and joined a slimming club. YEP!!!!
I'm normally not a fan of these things but I had to do something!!! My weight is ridiculous and getting dangerous too on the health point of view!
So I put my pride aside and joined my local club. I will track my weight loss here for inspiration and to keep me on the straight and narrow. With God's grace I want to drop one stone (14lbs) by the 2nd of August. That's when we are having the big family shin dig in America.
I hadn't blogged this week because I was in a nasty mood! PMS came and slapped me back and front! I had it all..bloated like a whale, weepy, violent and sluggishly tired. The worst part is that I am stupidly late so the symptoms won't GO AWAY!!

Anywhos..why am I then writing?, because I just got played serioulsy.

I got a text from a family friend of mine, that went like this:

I'm in London (don't ask) need to speak to you urgently (need a favour) can you call me on 0207 930 832. Batt low, ask for Liz she will pass you on to me.

Now if you knew this person you would know how so typical this message is. He is always zooming to London at the drop of a hat (he lives in Manchester) and he always has one adventure or the other!

So I come out of a meeting, see the message and call. The phone rings, and rings and rings. Just as I am about to drop the phone the answering machine comes on "Thank you for calling Buckingham Palace, if you would like to speak to the operator........"

HABA!! Let me get my hands on this boy, I will slap him back to Nigeria !!! I have suffered...Chai!
The title says it all. He is 70 today and I am amazed because he still rolls like he just turned 50 LOL.

  • The most cherished man in my life
  • The most annoying man in my life

I was always a Daddy's girl but somewhere between 7 and 12 he stopped getting what made me click. We have bashed heads so many times but I know that even though he doesn't understand me, he loves me and that is enough.

Top 5 Daddy skills

  1. Giving me a serious love of old movies
  2. Picking me up from school when period pain used to render me dysfunctional
  3. Giving me the men/relationship talk straight up and keeping it real
  4. Glaming me up back in the day (gold jewellery, handbags, perfume)
  5. Knowing how to parrrrrrrrttttttttyyyyyyyyy

I pray for a safe, happy, healthy life for you. No one has your class, no one has your style. Wouldn't swap you for any other!