I am losing control over my life and wish it was a video where I could press pause and sort stuff out, then press play again when I have a grip.

And no it's not my time of the month thank you very much!

I'm also getting anti-social. My friend is coming around for a few days to chill because her house is a construction zone and I wish she wouldn't but can't say anything. How do you explain that you love that there is no food in the house and you want it to stay that way. that you don't feel well and do not want to make conversation and that right now you would gladly not speak to anyone longer than five minutes?

Also I my weight has crept up and I wish I could stop harping on about it but I can't. Right now honestly I would give anything for pills or appetite suppressants or something! I am quite shocked at where my mind has gone regarding my weight but I still think it. I would gladly go over to the dark side if it would at least give me a kick start.

Normally when I write I feel better, but right now I don't feel better, the dark clouds are still gathering.