It has never been like this before, but that does mean that I won't get burnt sooner or later? Every rational thought says there is no future in this, just cut yourself off from this man and be done with it but I can't seem to listen. I was so cold for so long and wouldn't be moved. I turned myself to the Ice Queen I wanted to be but he has been carving nicks for the past 8 months and is slowly cracking my wall of ice and frost.

The power trip doesn't help my rational thinking either. To see the effect I have on him, to feel actual real female power does wonderful things for my ego, it really does and it can make you drunk. Yet even with the funny texts, the steamy phone calls, the long chats about life issues, I still hold back. I can't give all of myself because I have no assurances that to do so would be safe. I have been beaten over the head before so now I have learnt to duck when I feel the blow coming.

I guess that means that there is still a rational part of me left, I have to be in control somehow. Is that wisdom?
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