So roll on Sunday, the house was lovely and jumping with Phoenix's brother back from London, his 2 friends, their Dad and Neny down for a visit for a week. Anywho's the arrival of P's brother also meant the arrival of his laptop so with the girls battling to wash off P's relaxer without enough shampoo (it was an epic battle that would put Troy to shame) , I decided to go on msn (surprise, surprise).

Unfortunately, my mate from Jordan tried to send me some holiday pics and they were corrupted, so even though I didn't open them it was bugging some of my friends that were signed on (aaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhh), so I was trying to fix the problem with instructions from ex hottie when I mentioned how he used to be my techie wizard, to which he replied that no more freebies it was payment only.

I made the joke that I was broke which he replied that sexual favours were also accepted (I walked into that one ) to which I replied that he had lost all routes to the cookies, since he had let go off the cookie jar. Answer to that was that the cookie jar was moving to another continent so............ (and here I thought, OK i guess we are going to have this conversation)

Still in metaphors, I finally replied, then why did you start your diet so early??

You see that has always, always, always, bugged me. You see i didn't have a right to be sulky girl when he called things off because I knew we were never Harrow's answer to Romeo and Juliet and also I was leaving at the end of the first week in January, but what really got me was him calling it off like a few days before Christmas. What had always been my cold comfort was that at least I would have my allocated holiday time with him and then to have that zoomed out was a bitch. I tell you that was my Christmas messed up.

Yet I had to show that I was big girl and was cool, so come last Sunday when we were talking online, it was finally a relief to say "hey you messed up my Christmas". His explanation was that he knew that the time was coming u and didn't want to go cold turkey so he ended things early. He apologised about the timing, explaining that his Christmas was dodgy in his eyes and he didn't remember to think about other peoples......... anyway he asked what to do to make it better and I brushed it off.

Why? Cos for me who is always not wanting to be confrontational (unless seriously pissed off) I was just happy to get it off my chest. Things can't stay serious for long though, especially as he found out that my laptop had a web cam, so there I was in my slob clothes, no make up, hair net etc and he could see me on the freaking web cam. He wanted me to go all American Pie (hahahaha) but I just tormented him instead.

Now here is the annoying thing, isn't this what the Americans call "closure" ? Everything by all rights should be done and dusted, I should be looking forward not back, right? After all he has never asked anything of me on that level and probably never will. SO why do I still keep wishing?? It's a terrible thing ! I should just be grown up about it and separate attraction from real life and get on with things but I am shocked by how hard I am finding that one task. Well I'm nothing if not stubborn and I have no other option than to five myself a mental slap and say "SNAP OUT OF IT WOMAN!!!!"

PS Phoenix is psychic I think, she wasn't crazy about the blue outfit for Saturday's wedding and the zip went at the 11th hour AND she told to ask ex-hottie about last Christmas and I said noooo not on msn and that's what ended up happening anyway!! Spooky....

PPS Oh I really hope ex hottie has forgotten about the existence of this site, eek!
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