Time to get this off my chest.....

Have you ever felt a type of sexual attraction torwards someone so intense that you actually start to wonder if you are alright?? The sight of them gets all your five senses on overdrive. You feel a kind of slow burn warming it's way through your entire body starting from your tummy and winding it's way through to the very tips of your now tingling fingers.

You can spend countless hours remembering every way your body felt when you were touched and how liquid your previously solid knees went with every kiss. You might be out on the street and their favourite scent on another person instantly triggers happy feelings through your body and it takes you five minutes to actualise realise why you are suddenly so breathless... Has that ever happened to you?

You are at work and even though you are being productive that orange blinking light to tell you that they are online suddenly pushes all proper thought of work away. You smile at every text and every phonecall and count the days and hours till you see them again, to be part of that smile, that hug, that kiss......Has that ever happened to you?

You that had always been so sensible, are suddenly in the grip of this wickedly naughty attitude. Outfits are bought and pondered over, things that didn't matter like perfume and underwear suddenly take on massive importance. You find yourself flirting outragously, thinking and planning things to bring them to their knees and loving the sexual power you have over them, a power they happily submit to......Has that ever happened to you?

It happened to me and I knew that there were no gurantees, I knew it wasn't solid but I didn't care. I felt great and fabulous. For so long I hadn't be moved by anyone, was starting to wonder if I was alright, so when the electricityy started buzzing (unexpectedly) I was intrigued.

It ended when I came to Nigeria and I was trying to be grown up about it (it worked sometimes !) Then an emergency re-established contact and then I knew I was in trouble. Platonic conversations soon took the turn of 'do you remember that time?' and then the flirting etc etc.

My resolutions to keep some distance would only stand for a while and then crumble. When I knew I was going to London for a little while, at the back of my head was that little voice, ' you know you want to see him again don't you' and there was no denying it, I did and apparently the feeling was reciprocated.

In London it was like a Comedy of Errors, time was suddenly in short demand and any plans we made were messed up by Fate and let me tell you unlike the movies, there was no happy ending, we were never left alone for more than three seconds. As I packed my bags getting to return to Nigeria, a horrible but serious thought slowly made its way into my mind... What if all the real work was on my side alone, what if all those conversations were merely a form of entertainment, oh Lord what if he's just humouring me and I can't see it!!

I couldn't even ask him if I was right because that would be a showing a vulnerability that would be too costly to my pride to show. So I smiled my fake smiles and came back to Nigeria determined to MOVE THE FUCK ON FOR THE LOVE OF MY SANITY. I have been trying, really I have and it was going just fine and dandy la la la etc..... If it is going just fine and dandy it shouldn't matter to me that he has new girlfriend who is just amazing and lovely and fabulous, should it ??????

I know I'll be fine soon, I don't stay down for long but for now I need a Lord of the Rings three part DVD box set, a new hair style, chocolate, Grease movie soundtrack, new outfit, etc etc etc
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