Last weekend I went up to my hometown to spend some quality time with my family as had a Public Holiday on Monday. Now my Dad's family is polygamous as my Grandad, a king decided to fill his royal household with roughly 20 wives. Anyway when I got in I went to greet those who were around and the general consensus was that I was looking so glowly and lovely and delicious! Great right? Yeah it would have been if that didn't lead to the comment of "why on earth are you not yet married?"

Now for the record I am the poster child for single women everywhere. I have never been in a serious relationship and to be fair that didn't really ping on my radar till I had finished university (guess I was too busy loving uni), but anyway a favourite pastime for those around me in Nigeria this year is to guess why I am still single. Brace yourself, Nigerians are not known for their subtlety...

  1. I'm fat ... (this from my Mum. I would love to tell her that the last man to have his hands on my body loved it. But I can't say that she would have a heart attack)

  2. I'm too nice... (from a very cool mate, so maybe I should listen but really what am I meant to do, walk around in a PVC catsuit and a whip????)

  3. I'm too nice, part 2..(from a mate who pointed out that I'm such a cool friend that guys get too comfortable and don't want to think about me as anything else!!)

  4. I'm too smart..(apparently I awe people with my use of the English language and computer skills at work ! Hahahaha really my computer levels are nothing special and quite frankly I'm not walking around an investment house saying things like 'watcha???', 'aiight?' and 'Am I boovverrreedd?' just to mix up a little slang in my vocabulary.

The final one though that I heard last week and that I have heard from different sources is that i look too expensive !!!!! I mean really !!! This is the last straw! Apparently I look too expensive and that makes guys think that if they approach me they would have nothing to offer etc etc etc.

As we say in Lagos "Na wah oh !! See me see trouble!!". I'm just walking around minding my own business in my lovely high street clothes, which quite frankly mostly originate from Primark and people are acting like I have designer gear on !!!

Well this actually bothered me for a while you know, because while I have been in Nigeria these past 9 months stuff happened that gave me an inkling that people must assume really weird stuff about me, like I'm rolling POUNDS STERLING!! For the record I have an overdraft, laughable savings and a student loan from Her Majesty's Government that still needs repaying. SO to now add to that by saying that my love life will also suffer over these same presumptions really rankled.

Now I say "what a load of crap !!!!" If you get to know me you would know that while I have slept in five star hotels , I have also slept on a mat on a concrete floor. And while I have relaxed in rose scented bubble baths I have also had a bath with half a bucket of water that I have fetched from a well.

If you don't know me and sight me from across a room and think I'm expensive then guess what? You are not man enough for me to take the challenge and cross the room and tell me what you have to offer!!!!!

3 Responses
  1. Anonymous Says:

    Really funny Blog. Nice one mehn!!! Dont mind all these people and their myopic views of life. Be you and whatever will be will be

  2. ManCee Says:

    Hmmm, too nice you say..hmmm

    So your 'Mama Charlie' accent scares Maybe they cant hear ur words too well and go away not only humbled but also awed. lol.nice one have well-fed flesh (more cushion for the snuggling, lol) and dress very well (a la drop dead gorgeous?)....

    ..... Okay I'm off to read again to find what the problem is.... again...

  3. Say it, sister! They can't handle your fabulousness. :)