You all are just going to have to bear with me because I think I'm cracking up. I'm experiencing what might be a mini panic attack. I was fine when I got up this morning but I walked into work, got one email and I just lost it. I can't hide it any more, not even from myself. I have to leave my job.

Good Lord I feel like I'm suffocating. I don't want to be here any more. Right now, I'm at my desk and half the team are at a meeting and our two designers are across the room and I'm hoping they don't come over because they will see that I'm tearing up. I can't call my friends because if I do I will full scale start crying.

I haven't been full on with my applications and the ones I did send I didn't get any follow through from. I'm going to have to stop everything and pour all my energies into finding a new position. Forget what you heard, this woman can't multi-task. There are so many 'sort myself' projects I'm on and quite frankly it's looking quite shit.

My reaction today is really shocking me. I'm pressing my feet into ground to stop myself walking out because even if I go for a walk, I might not come back. If it has reached like this, then it's time to go. I have been dedicating so much time trying to help my brother meanwhile my Dad is here meant to be helping out but all I can see is someone adding to my work load. Well I'm done with that for now, anyhow my folks want to raise their son, they can carry go.

I'm so stressed, my face is covered in red spots and my period has vanished (again)! I am TRYING to relax, I went to Zurich and it was awesome and I and my cousins want to do mini breaks all summer in Britain but all the good these trips do are vaporised in the heat of my everyday life.

It also takes so much energy to put a calm exterior and be all professional and crap. Just breathe it out. Lord Jesus!

11 Responses
  1. Toinlicious Says:

    Just breathe *hugs*

  2. I'm sorry to hear you're going through a rough time. I hope by the time you see this comment things have taken a brilliant turn for the better.

    All the best with the job hunt...for sure something more suited to the life you want is out there.

    Feeling for you!

  3. Freaksho Says:

    That was me last month. The projects were back to back and my head was full of cement. Another two weeks and I'd have started climbing the walls.
    It'll pass. Hang in there.

  4. bArOquE Says:

    Oh dear, so sorry but glad you managed to pull yourself together. You should put your foot firmly & do what you want, your happiness is paramount. You need to retain your sanity at all costs, FTW.

  5. leggy Says:

    take it easy oh. and please talk to someone. panic attacks are no joke. good luck with your job search.

  6. awwwww...sorry you're having a rough time. I wish you the best babe

  7. Anonymous Says:

    Sending you positive thoughts and e-hugs, most importantly, seek your own happiness. Its just this one life (that we know of anyway) pursue your happiness selfishly, whatever area it may be

  8. CaramelD Says:

    Thank you all for the concern and advice. It meant a lot to me. PS sorry if I scared a few people. Love you all like my good weave.

  9. Nutty J. Says:

    Was it that bad?

    Hope things are better now

  10. its like that sometimes... just think of the right things and pull thru. u'll be fine

  11. Anonymous Says:

    Email me girl...let's chat!