For the first time in years I didn't go to Church today and I'm not sick.

I woke up to find a rare occurrence of my Dad going out for the day and my Mum at work till 8pm this night and the house was suddenly quiet. No one calling on me for this, that or the other and the other and suddenly my body just crumpled. I sort of have a hazy memory of my Dad saying something about putting his underwear in the washing machine but that just seemed like a dream. Next thing I know, it's 11.30am and my last local Mass is 12pm. Well, I just decided to go to the church a quick bus ride away for the 6.30pm mass later in the day and just about dragged my body to wash and spread said laundry.

Then I think I slept again, tweeted , cleaned the bathroom and had cereal. But it was all very surreal, I couldn't face the thought of seeing people, having to interact with the public, having to even brush my hair. It was just like I was shutting down very slowly. I had run out of pep.

I did manage to haul myself five minutes down the road to the salon to get my face done (wax off those pesky hairs that threaten my already frayed self esteem) but the beautician wasn't in! That will teach me!!

What makes it so awkward is that my Dad came home early, so at the old age of 29 I lied that I had been to another Church down the road (I'll let you all know what happens if/when he figures that one out) and I resented having to lie. Something along the lines of "I can make choices without having to justify myself..." went through my brain.

But I'm still not fussed. My brain is still switched off on some weird level and I refuse to engage, because if I do, all I will hear may be my voice silently screaming.

But those few hours where it was me and the quiet house was absolute bliss. I didn't have to put on a Caramel performance and smile and say funny things and be 'me'. It was just one woman and her bed and I loved it.
14 Responses
  1. Anonymous Says:

    Aw! I totally get what you mean. There are some days when we all think "What's the point? What's the worst that could happen if i don't get out of bed and act 'normal'?" (If you're reading this and thinking, "What the hell is she talking about?", welcome to planet Earth o ye visitor from Mars.) Just put it down in your diary as a "Caramel D" day to be celebrated once (or twice) a year. Hope you feel much more energized tomorrow .

  2. blogoratti Says:

    Hang in there... I'm sure you'll get back to your old self in no time. Be easy...

  3. TheRustGeek Says:

    Typical Sunday for me for the past two months it seems..

    Every one - even Superwomen - are allowed an off day after all, isn't it?

    Hang in there...

  4. Freaksho Says:

    You know, you're probably one of the few people I know that needs an annual vacation from home like I need from work.
    The beauty of a silent house is only surpassed by your ability to just sit there and appreciate it.
    Pele, lav!

  5. SHE Says:

    Are you sure you don't need a vacation? Go somewhere you don't have so many friends (so that you wont have to appear cheerful if you dont feel like it?)

  6. ~Sirius~ Says: need more of those sundays sweetie.

    Someday I'll be very rich and I will whisk you away to some exotic/secluded resort where you can regain sanity to last you for a long while (make that soon)....

  7. CaramelD Says:

    @Cae, thank you querida xx

    @Blogoratti, hope so too.

    @TheRustGeek, I like being compared to Superwoman ;) What would you like your Sunday to be like?

    @Freaksho, I tell you, it was me, the bed and the silence. Just had to be done.

    @SHE, I need a vacation badly!!! But baby gal, no cash mehn! Saving all my pennied for my Grandma's funeral in Naija. No shaking, somehow somehow it will happen. I got faith!

    @Sirius, oh bless you! Amen shah, I like that dream. Already packing my swimsuit in my head.

  8. LucidLilith Says:

    liar, liar, pata on fire!
    No qualms, I lie to my parents any chance I get.

  9. Myne Whitman Says:

    Don't beat yourself up about the lie. As for not going to church, know that you're not alone.

  10. Vera Ezimora Says:

    Couple Sundays ago, I didn't go to church either. I woke up on time. I took a shower and everything, but I couldn't drag myself there. Today actually feels like a lazy day for me, but I am forced to do some things. LOL @ lying about church. Tehehe. Naughty girl! I'll tell your daddy for you.

  11. LusciousRon Says:

    If you caught ehn?! Sundays are just bliss.

  12. manCee Says:

    'The lady and her bed'
    That must be the famed "Simple Bare Necessities" we so fondly hear of dear.


    How bodi?

  13. Muse Origins Says:

    I appreciate quiet houses like you wouldn't believe. You need it. We all do once in a while. At least you even did some housework lol

    Muse Origins (Creative Nigerian Features)
    Muse Origins

  14. CaramelD Says:

    @Lucid Lilith, you're funny :)

    @Myne, I was more irratated than anything else, about being interogated :)

    @Vera, try and find my Daddy first now, before you talk :P You even tried and got dressed. It was the getting dressed, that just wasn't happening.

    @LusciousRon, Hi!!!! Where have you been? How body?

    @Mancee, wow long time. Body dey inside cloth. OR in this case, body dey on top of bed.

    @MuseOrigins, my dear, even in the depts of my despair I still did laundry! Naija daughter runs SMH!