A very close member of my family is currently dealing with the fact that her marriage is probably about to break down. Her husband wants out and he wants out now. Now I'm normally don't blog about stuff like this and this is not the first early marriage wahala I am seeing but this news has me shaken to the core.

Why?

Because the reasons he has given are beyond madness. These are not deep complex reasons or 'normal' marital problems you have come across before. Nope. Why he wants to leave are because of the very basic needs she has asked of him which he feels are 'unfair' and 'controlling'.  I don't want to go into detail but the office equivalent would be someone quitting because their colleague asked them to reply emails and attend meetings. The reasons are so rubbish, that you find yourself wishing it was another woman as that would make way more sense. I'm not even sure if he knows what a marriage is!!!!

This issue has been simmering for a few months and is only coming to a full boil now and recently they had a full and frank discussion where he stated his problems. When I heard what they were, there and then on the train platform I shed a few tears. Tears of abject disappointment.

This is a man I respect and admire. He has been in our lives for nine years, three of those marriage. I rate him as a competent and well read individual so all this has baffled and shaken me to the core which is why I am writing about it.

I watched as they dated and stood by each other through tempests and storms from outside their relationship that would have broke most people up. So when, with family and friends present, they signed that marriage contract I was sure in my bones that this was one for the ages. Seeing the husband do the complete 180 has driven fear into me.

How can you place your life in someone's care to have them come and completely mess it up from beginning to end. I now have a very serious respect for anyone getting married because the gamble is huge! I have always wanted to be part of a unit and to build a loving family with a yet unknown man but now, I have to take a deep breath and make sure that I know what I am getting myself into. The rewards are amazing but the losses (if there are any) can be heart breaking.

From the bottom of my heart I ask anyone reading this blog who has not yet married but wishes to do so, please understand what you are signing up for. Make sure you are ready for it. All the highs, lows, and mundane in-betweens. If you believe in God, entrust yourself to Him to always look out for you as well to be the fact checker before you sign that most important of all contracts.

In all honesty today is the first time in two weeks that I have felt like a human being. For what seemed like ages I felt very very claustrophobic as there was not one part of my life I was happy with. Still looking for a job, hurt my leg last month and it will take two months to heal and at home... well! This month makes it a year that my brother has come to live with us in London and he has learning difficulties and a slight disability. Integrating our life has been very difficult and I feel like I am now co-parenting. My anger stems from the fact that my Dad has been in Nigeria for most of the time and I see no plausible reason why he should be there when he is retired and his entire family is here and needs help.

So I was turning into a massive ball of hurt and resentment which lead to me being depressed.

On Sunday though while in church, I had to laugh at myself. Why was I carrying the entire weight of the world on my shoulders when I can offload every SINGLE thing to Jesus? My strength pass His own? Nope! It was all very silly. I had faith and was not putting it into action. I just got on my knees and re-dedicated every single aspect of my life to God and just let go.

Nothing more, nothing less.

I can't age myself before my time! I was actually crying every other day! No, no, no, no. That is not what I was put on this earth for. Life will always have challenges but I have to rethink how I handle it before I self implode.

So a whole bunch of doctor visits later, I ended up at home for a week in a uniform of headscarf, dodgy dresses and no bra. I kept falling asleep (didn't realize how tired I was) and when I wasn't sleeping I helped out for school run and other random chores.

Currently watching all the craziness going on in Boston and I hope everyone stays in their house like the police have asked. What a week it has been. May the souls of all lost in the Boston bomb blast and shootout and the warehouse explosion in Texas rest in peace.

Amen!

PS I'm going to do something crazy and report myself here later! Watch this space ;)

Stay delightful xx