CaramelD

Happy September. August has left with my blessing and any hope of proper sunshine this country hopes to have for the rest of the year.

August was bad.



It started with a heavy weight on my chest and a constant feeling of dread that all was wrong and if it wasn't it was about to be. The smallest thing would annoy me and I couldn't sort out irrational anger from normal anger anymore. I would have mood swings where I was at my funniest and dazzling and in two hours I would be weepy. I thought it was PMS and then my period wouldn't turn up and let me tell you, I am as regular as a Swiss watch. I broke out in spots on my chest (me beautiful skin!!!), I was so bloated I couldn't wear my rings or high heel shoes and no period for three weeks.


Two things happened one weekend that finally made me go to the doctor. The first was that a friend would ask me about my birthday (next Monday !!) and I would be so upset. I couldn't face my birthday. I kept thinking that I was about to be 28 and all I could see were things that were wrong, I kept thinking I should have some kind of 5 year plan or something, I then refused to book the VIP room where I was going to have my birthday. I just didn't want to know. Then the worst was waking up on a Sunday morning crying my eyes out for about three hours. I missed Church (not my normal MO) and just lay on my couch for what seemed like for ever.

The next day I booked my appointment.

So the long and short of it was that eight years ago I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome and I was told that my levels were low and I should be able to carry on just fine, but from what I was telling him, it had cranked up a couple of gears and that now I had a common symptom: depression. So after referring me to the hospital for tests etc. He wrote me a prescription of anti-depressants! I told him HELL NO! I'm Nigerian, we don't roll like that. He then went on and on about her my symptoms will only get worse while I am waiting for my turn to the see the gynaecologist. For any woman reading this it's like when you go to the hairdressers and YOU KNOW that the style they are working on your head won't suit you but your powerless to change their mind. Well this is what it was like only that instead of a hairdresser it was my family doctor.

Did I mention I have had the same doctor since I was 10?

So I took the prescription but I didn't go to the pharmacy. I went home and gave it to the Maternal Unit. I went upstairs and I said to God, "I do not live on Wisteria Lane, I am not about to start taking anti-depressants, you have to help me find a way to beat this!"

So I went online and saw countless websites with all these women from around the world sharing different ways which they have tried to bring it under control and manage their symptoms(can't be cured). So while I wait for the slow machine of the NHS to reach me, I am trying to tackle this myself. All the websites say the same thing: bring your weight down and watch your hormone levels balance out (irregular hormone levels is what causes all the issues). So it is back to weigh ins and weight loss chatter on my blog :) I can't call it Freaky Bridesmaid Diet so it needs a new name....any suggestions? The bitch of it all though is that a rise in the wrong hormones makes weight loss more difficult to acheive [sigh].

With regards to the prescription, my Mum looked up the drug is her kick ass medical dictionary and it had the worst list of side effects she had ever seen. She was so horrified that she ripped it up at work on her ward and threw it away without thinking and then remembered it wasn't even hers! LOL! She came home and apologised for not telling me first but she was resolute.

I don't care I wasn't going to take it anyway! Anyway I exercise more, spend more time in prayer and reflection , just that moment in the day when you have quiet time and can pause and be still. I also called back the club and re-booked my birthday doo daa. I note that I am still over fussy over things and worry stupidly (case in point, latest problem my dress is too short for my party and my knees look awful. PLEASE SOMEONE BEAT ME) but I just shake it away.

_______________________________

I got to know someone special. Someone who made me feel special, no scratch that ......made me feel like a Princess and a Goddess all rolled into one. I didn't feel like I was playing a balancing act, where the wrong move would make you fall. I could be myself and be free. I've had letters that made me cry and poems that make me blush and phone calls that make me laugh at 2 am in the morning. I can't find the words.....treasured! There it is, I felt treasured and hand on my heart no man has ever made me feel that way, not once. As wonderful as I have felt though, it all reminds me of spun sugar; sweet, beautiful but oh so very fragile. Whatever happens, I don't regret knowing you. I thank God for bringing you into my life, because when I felt like I was in a gutter, you put me on a throne.

xxx

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My Mum flew to America for her niece's wedding and couldn't pack because she was working double shifts everyday so I packed for her, matched all the outfits, sewed on missing buttons, did fashion consultancy on wrapper and handbags and shoes and wrapped in cling film and sellotape 10 bottles of Ace bleach for my Aunt as they don't have in it America (I know I know). So when she came back from work with a bunch of roses I thought it was because I had helped her pack but she said: "No not just that. I know I want you to move to your husbands house (when I was your age I had married your Father) but you should know I appreciate everyday that you are here with me." Awwwwwwww I love my Mum!

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BIG BOSOM HUG (c) to everyone on Blogsville and massive shout out to my Followers! See oh ..... 32 beautiful Caramelicious people. Thank you oh! I remember when it was six LOL! God bless xx


20 Responses
  1. mizchif Says:

    Well, about the PCOS, i'm sure you can take it in your stride, just aim to be as healthy as possible and you should be fine.
    I just had my own case of birthday blues too, so i know what you mean, but things will work themselves out.

    Oh and i like how happy you sound about the "someone" All the best with that.


  2. ManCee Says:

    (Gaddemit, what does a guy have to do to be first on this blog, eh?) *chuckle*
    Nice of mumsy to say that and do that...Nice of her. Hope you gave her some of those BBH (c)?...well I aint passing mine over o *arms widely outstretched smile*

    Call it the "Life and Death of the Cystic Somebori", lol.

    Remember you come from a long line of strong females who make the amazons look like wimps...surely the Cystic Somebori is so definitely no match.
    Wapa.
    -Mancee


  3. Nice Anon Says:

    * gives Caramel a slap on the butt* lol

    Now stop worrying about that dress and rock the hell outta it!

    It is very scary the amount of side effects these drugs have. Scary really. You will have a fun birthday. Reflection is good. I find myself doing a lot of that lately.

    Love is in the air on blogsville. Good for you girl!


  4. akaBagucci Says:

    LOL @ the 'slow machine of the NHS' guess you'll be fine any ways... And congrats on the person who makes you smile at 2.00am in the morning.. that is priceless!


  5. **OnYxStA** Says:

    :(

    http://say-bleurgh.blogspot.com/ Show some love by following or bleurghing-back xx


  6. Anonymous Says:

    PCOS *sigh*

    I know what you're going through. My Doctor "thinks" I have it (scans were inconclusive). I've been dealing with it since I was 16. I totally feel you on the weight loss tip.

    You'll be fine. You're on the right path, choosing to beat it. There'll be bad days but overall, it'll be alright *nods*

    What you said about your mum made me go all warm and fuzzy inside. I love it when my mum picks up her phone and says "Hey babe!" Makes my day every time :)


  7. Buttercup Says:

    Aww sweetie! When I talked to Bumight and my doctor uncle about my symptoms, they guessed that I had PCOS but it ended up just being ovarian cysts. What we women go through, eh? You'll be fine, hon. September is going to be so wonderful for you, just wait and see! Awww @ your new found romance and your mum! Giving you hugs right back!


  8. ~Sirius~ Says:

    *Kpekele Kpekele*
    Yep- I just said that on blogsville.
    Now I know why you don't have my time anymore, you're busy feeling like a special princess, Well done oh!.......lol, You deserve all of it and more babe.


    Awwwwwwww

    *Tear drops*
    That's so sweet of your Ma.
    Really Sweet.

    As for that outfit/dress.....you know you have no choice but to rock it!

    No birthday blues allowed, and Damn 5yr plans! if we all had them and they all came to pass the world would be a perfect place. Sadly, I don't see that happening.

    PCOS, as doctor to be Mizchif says- just aim to be as healthy as possible.

    We love you too Dee!


    HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!


  9. ~Sirius~ Says:

    LOL, i just realized I though I put up my comment ages ago.........more like days ago.


  10. BSNC Says:

    awww you mum is soo sweet.

    September will be a great month for you, hmmm i smell love o.


  11. Buttercup Says:

    Yesterday was your birthday, right? Happy belated birthday, hon! Wish you many more! :)


  12. bob-ij Says:

    Happy Belated... and thank God you went in to find out what was wrong. It's more confusing when you don't. And thanks for sharing thing with us..hug back!!

    x!


  13. Myne Whitman Says:

    Nice to finally get an update. Happy birthday love and hope you're feeling better? About PCOS, you're in great shape from your pic I saw, just keep at it like you said. With prayer and effort, you will be fine. I have a friend who has it too but she's not on any drugs. Just going by faith. Take car of you OK?


  14. CaramelD Says:

    @Mizchif, thanks oh! Will try my best.

    @Mancee, pele at missing first. I never get first on your blog! I think I did once though......
    Everytime you write 'Cystic Somebori' I laugh so much! That is not the medical term LOL!! Ps My Grandma, Aunts and Mum thank you for the compliment.

    @ Nice Anon, I rocked the dress oh! But gosh, there was serious wardrobe malfunctions going on. I shall look for a picture to show you. Where is love in the air in blogsville? I am so not in the loop [sigh].

    @ DannyB, I haven't seen your brake light in a while! How are you? PS I can't accept your congrats, I feel a bit of a fraud. I think my joy is on borrowed time so not mine to be congratulated on ;)

    @Onyxsta..........huh?

    @Anonymous, yup PCOS is a bitch. Your Mum sounds very hip and happening :)My Mum calls and says "Hey Chicken Pepper Soup" hahahaha

    @ButterC, Amen to your september prayer oh! How are you? PS I don't know what to call it ButterC, but I don't think romance is the right word.....

    @Sirius - Thanks for the Birthday wishes and you were totally the firt person who called whoop! I can't believe you typed Kpekele Kpekele on Blogger! Chai!

    PS the day I don't have your time will be a dark dark dark day indeed!

    @BSNC, yes oh I have to love my birth month by hook or by crook! PS Be there smelling romance! you are on your own oh! LOL!

    @ButterC, THANK YOU OH! IT WAS INDEED! WE ROCKED OUT AND NOW I AM SUFFERING FOR IT (why am I shouting?) LOL

    @Bob-ij, thank you! I am seriously feeling the love. You would have been proud of my make up. I am trying to branch out ;)

    @Myne Whitman, thank you very much for your lovely message. I've gone a bit mushy now.


  15. SHE Says:

    You will pull through. After all, you're an African woman. No?


  16. Tisha Says:

    hey ya
    Go to church
    a faith based church
    one that believes the bible actually
    try Christ Embassy
    or redeemed
    other churches won't help
    praise and worship a lot

    its nice meeting you: get in touch on with me tishasmith010@gmail.com


  17. ShonaVixen Says:

    You do sound happy about this someone and how they make you feel treasured!!
    Your mum is so sweet!
    And as Mizchif said just aim to be as healthy as possible.


  18. Hey girl, hope your bday was fabulous!
    Trust God and live your life, dont think too much about what aint right, and celebrate the good stuff.

    Ope all goes well with that man who makes you feel treasured!


  19. Happy belated birthday! I hope the party was great?

    I'm wishing you all the best with your plans to get the PCOS under control. Sorry for what you're going through though; it's not funny at all.

    The last part of your entry made me smile! This sounds like a great person you've got in your life!


  20. Awww, how sweet of your mum to do that! :D