I can't stand when people say that but here I am shamessly saying the same thing. I must be hormonal, that must be the reason why I'm sitting in broad daylight in an open office, with my chest hurting while I fight back tears and tell my colleagues that dust from the stationary cupboard got in my eyes and that is why it's red.

What hurts so much is the ease in which he walked away. I thought I was a big girl and could handle the hot water that was sure to burn me but obviously I'm not hardened enough. All this is in the past but talking to him online today just made my head hurt and the tears come because I don't think he even gets it.

Somewhere in London there is a foolish 28 year old Igbo woman crying at her desk like a fool. I'm trying to stop but it's not working. I don't even know what my problem is, this wasn't even what I'm meant to be writing about. Maybe these tears are long over due, I don't know.

This is actually my fault. I need to make sure I don't even start falling for people, because once I start it is very hard to turn it off. I'm not a damn tap. When will I learn? How did I think it would end? What kind of delayed reaction am I suffering now?
20 Responses
  1. ~Sirius~ Says:


    You'll feel better after the tears.

  2. CaramelD Says:

    Hey baby girl I wish you were here to knock some sense into me x

  3. Ms.O Says:

    Keep your head up babes...I shall be well!..


  4. Vera Ezimora Says:

    Oh, Caramel! Sweetheart, what's wrong? My dear, I totally get where you're coming from. Once you start liking, you go all in, and then, getting out is hard --- no matter how much you try to be tough and try to be a big girl. But it's okay to not be a big girl all the time. Just like you, I'd never cry in front of people --- for a man! LOL. I woulda told them the same thing. Yeap, dust got into my eyes.

    It'll be alright, hon.

  5. Anonymous Says:

    ***BIG BEAR HUG***

    Nne, Its ok to let the tears out from time to time. Let it out and watch you feel better in a few. Don't restrict yourself from the great feeling of liking/loving someone. It hurts yest, but c'est la vie. You'll be just fine oh.

    ***More Bear Hugs***

  6. LucidLilith Says:

    Oh sweetie.....this too shall pass believe me. You will meet someone who will be the one you are supposed to be with. And you will think back and see that you dodged a bullet with this one.

  7. akaBagucci Says:

    Sometimes.. It ends.. and we get to see it was for the best.. I suspect that we never forget though... Somewhere, something within us still clings to nostalgic memories of things that will never be...

  8. T.Notes Says:

    *One Big Bowl of Icecream and icecold chocolate cake to go with it* Pele C.

  9. Aww'll feel better soon enough or at the very least stop tearing up when u think about it.

  10. Myne Whitman Says:

    Sorry sweetie, maybe you need to go somewhere quiet and cry it out. It will be OK, e-hugs.

  11. Suru Says:

    Aww I'm so sorry for your pain. As they say, this too shall pass.

  12. doll Says:

    it always passes...time is a wonderful thing..on Jan 26th...i felt:

    Today..i dont give a damn you will be fine...i promise

  13. Sugarking Says:

    Eyaaa, wetin dey worry the guy sef? Mcheeewww! Take it easy dear, Ur knight is on the way!

  14. bdon Says:

    you'll be all right dear...sometimes it takes the tears to exhale. Once you get past this (and him), there's a big bright horizon ahead. God is preparing someone better.

  15. CaramelD Says:

    @ Vera, for real I can't form big girl again.

    @Anon, thank you but it seems safer to put everything under lock and key for your sanity.

    @LucidLilith, the thing is I knew it wasn't anything solid, what hurts is the way I just seem to be cut off. He isn't a bad guy, just not mine.

    @DannyB, when did you get so wise? You really have hit the nail on the head.

    @T.Notes, my version went something like this: a bit of chocolate, then a muffin, then Chinese! My stomach recoiled in horror. I won't be doing that again!!

    @ Repressed One, I got there in the end, thank you.

    @Myne, that hallowed haven for tears ie the toilets, were closed!

    @Suru, it will thanks.

    @Doll, how have you been? Thank you.

    @SK, for real nothing is worrying the guy, it's me that has the issues. He didn't break any promises I'm just sad that he could walk away do easily. Lik eI said this is all old gist. I guess it was bugging me more that I thought.

    @Bdon, Amen to the power of 10 :)

  16. kay9 Says:

    Nne i'm sorry i'm just seeing this (blame it on my stupid 8-5). Tears are cleansing u know; hope u r better now shaa.

  17. Anonymous Says:

    awww darling!
    i hope you are ok now!

  18. Hugs to sorry I'm reading this a week late. Hope you're feeling a lot better by now.

    I fall very hard when I fall so my remedy is not to allow myself to fall. Can't say how well that's working...

  19. Afrobabe Says:

    This too will pass...

    Remember my post about suddenly crying at the check out of a store and then at my desk???

    It passed...

    Dust in your eyes??

    Should have gone with "my pet died"..

    My pet ant!!! ya...and we need to meet up soon...