Time: 6 something am
Place: Caramel's bedroom

Anyone who has a parent that is medical personnel knows what it is like to be woken up and given instructions for the day before said parent goes to work, while they are still half asleep and woe betide you if you forget the barrage of instructions that flow through your duvet/blanket/wrapper to your ears.

This morning my Mum came to pick a fight. First of all it was to say that I had left a couple of dishes in the sink. I replied that I had forgotten them due to being sleepy as I had stayed up past midnight to do her laundry.

Second conversation went like this:

M: Are you going to the gym today
C: No I spent two hours there last night, I go on alternate days.
M: Don't they advice an hour every day?
C: Yes but they say an hour light exercise everyday, I did more than that yesterday!
M: That's not what my magazine says!
C: Mum please leave me, I'm begging!

This is where the anger came! My Mum and her blasted bloody stupid women's magazines. One is Take a Break and the other one is Women's Own. She loves those magazines die. Everything there is gospel. Aaaaaaaaaaarggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

My Mum and I have one serious beef and that is my weight. Nothing more, nothing less. She used to nag that I am not doing anything about it. That who knows if it is my Father's enemies using me against them (I kid you not), that at this rate I will die single as men don't like fat women and that it was bad for my health.

So you would think that losing and keeping off weight for the first time in my adult life would be a cause for celebration right? Is she happy that I have dropped three dress sizes? No! The issue now is that I am not losing it fast enough! She actually bristles when people congratulate me on my weight loss (haba)!!!

Jesus give me strength! We had a massive row a while back when I told her to stop cutting out true life stories from her bloody Take a Break about how 'Steve from Manchester' and 'Tiffany from Essex' lost half their body weight and saved themselves from an early death and leaving it in my bedroom. That every body's weight loss journey is different and I don't want to hear anymore true life crap!

The funny thing is I hate exercising and I was so happy with myself yesterday that I had carried my body in period hell and crawled to the gym and did not only do a circuit class but Hatha yoga as well and I was feeling really good and she has just deflated me. She knows which buttons to push and it really gets me pissed.

All through today, I will forget then remember then be in a bad mood again. She should just wait, shebi we are going to Atlanta to see her own Mother? May God keep her and bless her. For as long as she is on this planet I can report my own Mother to a higher power!! I am happy that my Mum will be in America longer than me, I need breathing space jo!

I know she is doing it out of concern but the way she is going on you would think that I can't move out of my bed, like the people on all those documentaries that a crane has to lift them from their bed! It is better for me and my sanity if she said nothing at all!!! Today all I have felt is paranoid and ugly.

The fact that I love her more than life itself is the only reason I didn't go all Xena Warrior Princess in that house this morning!! Mschhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwww!!!

For the record any stupid Take a Break magazine I see in that house this evening will find itself in the recycling bin sharp sharp! OK I will stop ranting!

PS For anyone who read my former post have you tried naked dancing yet?
22 Responses
  1. Lara Says:

    I want to report my mother too, my own is that all my mates are getting married and I have not plans. Mothers are just it...

  2. akabagucci Says:

    don't let her report you too o...

  3. Blessing Says:

    Mothers...can't live with them...can't live without them....pele

    Good job with loosing 3 dress sizes! That def is not easy...keep it up!

  4. Nice Anon Says:

    I can just imagine her saying it as well. Nne don't be too vexed. You're doing very well as is. Keep it up!

    I did dance around with just my knickers on .. that counts for being naked abi?

  5. It sucks when the one's closest to us are not our biggest cheerleaders, but that being said u know u have a whole lot of us cheering y on dear!

    Dnt let Mama get to u...find a mental escape when she begins saying things...go to ur happy place or think of dancing naked lol...pele luv!

  6. Enitan Says:

    you lost THREE DRESS SIZES?? WOW!! now, THAT is an achievment! I need to take some dilligence and discipline out of your book!

    Seriously tho, WOW!

  7. LucidLilith Says:

    LOL....your mom is hilarious. Anyway...imo...parents are the only ones allowed to stress me out. They've earned it.

  8. Myne Whitman Says:

    I saw you in that wedding pic, and you were not fat o, maybe it's just my eyes, lol. Cheer up sweetie!

  9. CaramelD Says:
    This comment has been removed by the author.

  10. leggy Says:

    ha ha ha ha ha.mothers can sha vex their kids sha.i dance naked all the time so its really no big deal.

  11. lmao @ xena warrior princess........i wonder why mothers love to push buttons and now i wonder if someday we would be such mothers hmmm! pls dont feel down, maybe she feels her pushiness encourages you to actually keep at it, maybe you could explain to her that it brings you down..............uhm scratch that lol no good shall be done, tried it once with mama...long story short...i shouldnt have said a word
    i did dance in my underwear....that count?

  12. SHE Says:

    YAY! you came down three dress sizes?! Thats great!

    I support you. Report her to her own mother. Thank God she will in turn have no one one to report her mother to.

    I assume you don't have agreat grandma?

  13. Congrats on the weight loss, 3 dress sizes is a lot...! Lol, don't let your mum get to you too much, atleast you already have good plans to report her to her own mother

  14. Olufunke Says:

    mothers and daughters!
    So sweet you mentioned that 'you love her more than life'.....

    Congrats for loosing 3 dress sizes!

  15. inStilettos Says:

    lol! its funny how every comment on here is so diplomatic, lol! I'm glad you can report her to her mom... she does mean well! hate that you felt paranoid and ugly, but what really matters is that you've put in all that work and are still going, 3 dress sizes is phenomenal! trust me I know, I've just gone into a small 12 and I know how hard it is to drop a dress size.. well done and all the best!

  16. kay9 Says:

    I guess the hurricane's blown over by now. Still, u oughta b a good girl and listen to your mummy....

    Naa, i can't dance naked. The mere idea conjures up an image of running up and down the street ringing this really huge bell.

  17. histreasure Says:

    you lst 3 dress sizes!! seriously??!!!! i aspire to be like you, OMG!!

    so do not let anything get yu dwn, i appreciate that all yu want is to see that she appreciate what yu've done to be where yu are now but it's all out of vex remain small, u hear?

  18. Jibz Says:

    I just started reading your blog caramel and I love it.
    Oh Mothers, my mom used to be like that' too then when I started losing weight she started nagging not to over Do it.
    You can never win with them, Gotta love them!

  19. Thanks for reporting mumsy o. Let me call her mum in fact...oya gimme the phone number. My sister and I were just talking last night about how lucky we are that our mother doesn't (often) mention our weight. I have friends who would not be considered overweight, even by anorexics, and their mothers are constantly nagging them about being fat, or buying them clothing several sizes too big, and being genuinely shocked that it doesn't fit, even after being told what size they are.

    Congratulations on your weight loss and keep on doing it healthily.

    My turn to confess: I haven't danced naked yet!

  20. CaramelD Says:

    @ Lara, that particular topic is an all Mummy default setting, pele :)

    @ DannyB, report me for what? Don't let me come and beat you!

    @Blessing, what if we turn out like that??!!!

    @Nice Anon, congratulations with your knickers dancing! You are well on the way to full fledged naked dancing :)

    @ Miss Enigma, ermmmm I don't think my happt mental place would be people dancing naked!!! LMAO!! Whoosh!

    @Enitan thank you very much, but I have stalled and it's not moving so quickly anymore. Maybe that's why the Maternal Unit is grumpy :)

    @Lucidlilith, shebi? true talk.

    @Myne, thank you! E-HUG!!!!

    @Leggy, oh fabulous! Spread the gospel of naked dancing!

    @Formerly stealth reader, you words are wise indeed. Dancing in your underwear is very good too.

    @ SHE, nope no Great Grandma :) Hmmm but there are a battalion of sisters!!

    @Young Grumbler, chop knuckle ;)

    @Olufunke, what can one do? She is lucky that she is the best Mum in the world......if not hmph!

    @InStilettos, they are being nice because we have all been there :) Thanks for the encouragement.

    @Kay9 hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! I'm dead!

    @Histreasure, I no dey vex again, thanks to blog therapy :)

    @Jibz, WELCOME! Please come again, don't be a stranger, pop in for tea anytime ;)

    @GNG, thanks babe! You have got to dance naked!!! Start with your underwear!

  21. Unwind Says:

    Lets love them while we still havec them

  22. Girl, I am soooo proud of you. You have no idea. 3 dress sizes! That is no joke. Some people are asking me for advice because they haven't been able to lose 1 pound yet. So congrats!!!
    Mums will always find something to bother you about. Don't let it get to you.