CaramelD
I'm just going to say this real quick so forgive me if I make mistakes. What I am about to go on about happened a while back but a girl I know is going through something similar right now and it annoyed me all over again so I know it is still irratating me.

In any kind of relationship don't just disappear into the air. Whether it is deep relationship, friendship, sex buddy. Whatever!! Don't just stop calling, emailing or texting or whatever the hell form of communication you were using to talk to someone! That is just not on! That is rude and hurtful! If you ever feel like doing it, come back to this post and hear me shouting in a loud voice!

IT'S A COWARDLY WAY OUT.

If things are getting too much for you, if you have problems pulling you away, if you don't want to talk to that person again, you can say "Look it's all a bit much at the moment, I need to stop things etc etc." No matter how the person may not like it, it will be better than dead air, you ignoring their calls or not replying their emails. The person will now be wondering "Errrrr what happened/ what did I do?"

A friend did this to me. First I thought he was sick or something and called twice. Two times he replied with, "I promise to call you back and explain." Nothing. Then I sent a message on FB. Again dead air. Yet at the same time, I could see him chatting with other people on his page! Haba! See stress! I was baffled, then hurt, then very angry! After more air, I deleted him off FB. I couldn't comprehend what I had done to warrant such behaviour and from someone I thought was important.

Last story. I fell for this guy big time. He was my prototype, the idea of what my perfect guy could be. It wasn't him though and we both knew that. Yet when he decided to cool things down, how he did it was to bring to a sharp halt the calls and emails and chats and then move to random phrases under my FB pictures like some old school friend from primary school! Dude please! After cavier you are downgrading me to chips? I don't think so! I am not your hi/hello friend. In my humble opinion, I would have preferred a phone call explaining your thought processes. No one here is a child. I think we all deserve some kind of heads up!


I can say this with full authority because I have been on both sides. I had to tell a guy that I didn't feel the way he did, and I was dreading it! I felt sick to my stomach because I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. It would have been very easy to just ignore his calls and emails and give him dead air but I called and we had a long (and excrutiating) phone call. He can never say he doesn't know how things stand, that way you don't have to spend time scratching your head.

ALLOW PEOPLE HAVE CLOSURE SO THAT THEY CAN MOVE ON!!!!!!!!!!

This rant does not apply to stalker/pyscho types who you have had a conversation with and they are now staking out the dumpster outside your flat looking through your trash. No! This is for normal sane folks.

If you have any thoughts please share them with me, I would love to hear what you think!

OK rant over.
23 Responses
  1. Madame Sting Says:

    I agree. Some people are just inconsiderate cowards.


  2. CaramelD Says:

    I believe that they don't think they are being inconsiderate, they think it is OK. A girlfriend of mine tried to pull that stunt and I made her put herself in the guy's shoes. She never thought it through.


  3. Chizy K Says:

    its true pple just need to learn thinking b4 acting


  4. Azuka Says:

    I may have done this once... :-(


  5. dhjax Says:

    Definition is critical.....


  6. Tega Says:

    *nods in agreement* Gbam!


  7. LucidLilith Says:

    Ah, see rant!

    Okay. I will confess. I am one of those people guilty of not following up with others. To be honest, I am scared to telling another human being that i would rather not keep in touch. I can't hurt someone's feelings like that. I'd rather the convo just slowly discontinue than to have a painful talk. Imagine saying,"look, I don't want to be your friend." It is a serious yab.

    I guess am a coward.


  8. Blessing Says:

    I totally agree with you...yes it'll be hard to break things off with someone, but if you'll truly care about them...u owe it to them to give them an explanation...


  9. tunrayo Says:

    Guilty as charged *bows head in shame*

    Ive never heard the other side of the story and when it happens to me, im like worreva mehn, moving on. Didn't realize its not that easy for some.


  10. CaramelD Says:

    @ Chizy K, Amen to that.

    @ Azuka, LOL. Do you promise not to do it again?

    @DannyB, Not quite sure what you meant. Definition of which part? Please come and 'kowatiate'.

    @ Tega, spread the word init.

    @Lucidlilith, I know, I know. I am major ranty here. It is just a serious bee in my bonnet. Back to your comment, I think you are talking about gradual decline of a friendship which happens to all of us a lot. I see that as more organic. What I am talking about is like going fromm 200mph to 0mph, just like that. Which is a forced end and definitely not organic. What do you think?

    @Blessing, I just really believe in communication. I can't help it! If you leave silences, then the person will fill in the gaps with probably the wrong information.

    @Tunrayo, it's perfectly normal to bounce away if it happened to you, it is subjective I guess. Based on what that person meant to you.


  11. Nutty J. Says:

    Wow!!! No be small rant...

    Some borri must have pissed you the hell off.

    Remember that for some people, cowardice is where their strength lies...

    Berra shrug it off as 'Good riddance to bad rubbish'...I mean if you arent man enough to tell me your problem... then you arent man enuff to be my man

    Shikena.


  12. SHE Says:

    This could have been me ranting.

    I so HATE such cowardly behaviour! and like you said to Lucidlilith, it is not the gradual decline of a friendship, but the brutal murder of a relationship/ friendship/ whatever.

    Sometimes you wonder if it won't be easier to bear if the other party were dead. At least you'd know why they are not replying.


  13. Yinkuslolo Says:

    Thank you very much for this post. This has happened to me twice in the last 3 months and I don't know why men are beginning to adopt this method.


  14. Myne Whitman Says:

    Totally agree. But sometimes we can;t control other people and so in our own interest, we can do the closure on our own.


  15. Ginger Says:

    I agree with you about how important closure is. My first love finally gave me closure 10 years after he vanished. I thought it wasnt important but looking back I feel a whole lot lighter now.
    Its not easy anyway but maybe the wronged party can call him/her out on it and force a closure?


  16. Ms Roach Says:

    I agree with you on this.A friend is doing the same to me right now..I have tried talking about it but all i get is...There's nothing wrong


  17. It's true. It's a cowardly and disrespectful way out. :(

    Adiya


  18. miz-cynic Says:

    i totally agree with you.very cowardly.i am still chasing one mofo for closure and is been 6 yrs,not tht i still care but i wana know wht the fuck happened


  19. CaramelD Says:

    @Nutty J, wise words.

    @SHE, OK....I official hand over the ranting crown to you. You sound more pissed off than I was LOL!!!

    @Yinkusolo, I'm glad I wrote this now. At one point I wondered if I shouldn't have but it's good to see it's not just happening to me. I'm sorry that you've had this so frequently though. That has to be rough. [HUGS]

    @Myne, Nne we would love to do closure on our own and I agree with you about not having control over other people's actions but then the questions bug you....and it can colour your actions in the future as well.

    @Ginger, but part of the initial vanishment is not picking up calls when you try and call them. That sucks and I'm sure we don't want to turn into repeatitive callers. That's not cool. We have lives to live. PS 10 years? Wow!!!

    @Ms Roach, what can one do when you meet such communication blocks? Ans: Carry on your life regardless.

    @The Corner Shop, Word!!

    @Miz-cynic, Six years? You get strength oh! Your comment made me laugh though. Why do I think you will beat him when you see him?


  20. exschoolnerd Says:

    this post is spot on! its sad that some people can actually act that way


  21. Xavi Petit Says:

    I totally agree!!! Last time it happened to me it was a guy I was seeing, at first he was the one calling and texting everyday, until one day he stopped.. when I asked him about it he said he had been busy at work and he would call me soon.. the call never came and he never answered my texts... I learned a couple of months later that he had a girlfriend and he had been with her for a year (including the time we were together)... Some men are just complete assholes!!!


  22. kitkat Says:

    I totally agree. Except he or she is some random stalker, he or she deserves to be treated with some dignity. dnt jst ignore my texts or calls like i'm some idiot, when u were the one that led me on in the first place.


  23. Anonymous Says:

    I am actually going through this thing right now- sucks like a mutha!

    especially when youve crooned into each others ears -put each other to sleep every night for a month....then DEAD SILENCE son of a b*tch, ok yea am still slightly angry, but he aint even worth chasing for an explanation, I know hes alive and well so , let him choke on his explanation