The words are swirling in my head, great big chunky paragraphs that I would love to put down, things I feel and think when I see people, hear things, see life happening to me and around me, bu I'm tired and hungry and I can't do justice to the things in my head.

I love that I can confess that I am hungry !! If I say it our loud it will be that I'm whining and can't be an adult about things but here I'm free to be me. I'm free to say that being told by your parents that you have the body of a 40 year old with four kids breaks your heart and makes you cry. I'm free to think that being told that any man that has been with me, was just experimenting to see what it's like to be with a fat chick is quite detrimental to my sanity.

All this and many more came during THE TALK, where I told my Dad that I wasn't ready to settle back in Nigeria just yet. He wasn't happy at all. There was talk of family, legacy, being an old maid, getting a life etc. I argued all those points, so that is how we settled on my weight as that is the only mark on my perfect daughter record books!!!!

Funnily enough they are trying to help, even through my tears in the middle of the night and my multiple glasses of wine I know that. I have never deluded myself, I know that I am overweight but my parents made me question whether I really ever had any pull over anyone. I'm done with this being a bone of contention, I'm an adult and have to do something about it. Hence the hunger......
2 Responses
  1. VV Says:

    NOW.....I NEVER!!!! OK so it has been a long time since I read your blog for various reasons.
    You might take what I am goin to say as yeah she is my friend and she is just being nice.
    Well this is me not nice. Its pathetic what our parents can do to our confidence, like it is not already whisper thin. Your body, thats the way were made OK.Dont starve yourself, just go to the gym so that you can release those happy hormone(I know there is a shorter word, cant remember though) and you WILL feel better. Yes you have heard it before I know. But you have to live in the NOW, dont wait and think oh life could be so much better if you were 20 pounds lighter, coz trust me even then you will still wish you were 20 pounds lighter. I love you, everything about you especially your eyebrows, you dont want to fit yourself into a slot that some egotistical man has created in his life as his ideal woman. You want him to get rid of everything in his life to make room for you.
    You will not be 40 and unmarried, Ill make sure of that OK. Go about live your life NOW remember you actually can, u did not go to Nigeria for nothing, that experience has taught you alot, what doesnt kill you only majes you stronger. Stop listenin to your parents they are only human, ofcourse they want to win the best daughter trophy , marrying the most eligible Nigerian man with an amazing career from a good family, Life is not a mathematical equation. JUST BE HAPPY WITH WHAT YOU ARE DOING AND LIFE WILL COME ALONG OK. I Love you and miss u you know what your sexy, and I dont see nearly as many skinny ppl who have that sparkling quality. U know glamour and you do it well, so take it up a notch, show em what you got, coz i know you got it.
    P.S I Love you

  2. CaramelD Says:

    Oh wow!!! You are the star, Oprah ain't got nothing on you !! I know what you are saying but this has been going on forever!! I do agree with the happiness bit though for real :0)

    PS I think you need a blog too!