I had an epiphany last night, gosh it was blinding but let me rewind.

The two Bridget Jones books were already bestsellers before the movies came out, but the movies made them worldwide hits. In the UK words from the book actually made it into popular culture. Two big phrases were 'Singletons' and 'Smug marrieds'. Hilariously a 'singleton' = was a single professional urbanite woman and a 'smug married' to the best of my knowledge = married couples who you knew who always rubbed their status in your face or would disturb you about your single status.

For the record NONE of my friends have entered into the 'smug married' status but I wanted to explain where my title came from. OK, back to my story. In the space of a year barring one lovely young lady, my inner circle of sisterfriends have been blessed with either a quarter to fiancee, fiancee, or husband. I have been there from the beginning with all their stories and have watched them and their men move from that first date "what's my own, he has been disturbing me since, let me at least go and eat free food", to the realisation that he is the one, "OMG, he proposed, he proposed, I didn't see it coming, shebi you know you will be my bridesmaid?" LOL!!

Of course things change and dynamics change but that is to be expected. I hope I have always known to be supportive and give a hand when needed (surprise birthdays etc) and just be happy for them. But yesterday for the first time I felt the DIVIDE. We had planned a girls night out for about 3 weeks for last night. Then from the morning one by one they all dropped out due to one reason or the other stemming from this new life they had to try and balance out. Even with all our UN style tactical planning, it just fell at the last hurdle and I was gutted because I didn't realise how much I had been looking forward to going out with them till it didn't happen.

I had my blinding epiphany that I was now a Bridget Jones style 'singleton'. For the first time I felt not that my friends were coupled, but that I wasn't! Nothing wrong with that, but my close circle have moved on to another phase of their life and that is one bridge I can't cross yet. I still want to enjoy myself and go to movies, clubs and shopping but a buddy just ain't a phone call away anymore.

I learnt earlier on to make sure I wasn't a third wheel (nothing in the world worse I tell you) but I have to also learn that we can't have the same social life either. They have to stretch their time to their men and the commitments that come with that and I need a new raving crew!

Nothing will ever change them being my sisters and confidants but the fabric of the situation has altered (hmm big English) and I need to adjust to that.
25 Responses
  1. Buttercup Says:

    CARAMELD!!!!!! I've missed you so! Awwww I can just imagine how you feel. Hope you find a new crew that's worthy of your friendship :)

  2. Buttercup Says:

    Ohh 1sssssssssssst! I see you've ditched the comment moderation thing..yay!

  3. CaramelD Says:

    ButterC!!!!!!!!! the only butter substitute spread on my wholemeal toast!!!! I have missed you oh! Chai! This computer thing that affected you was not funny oh!!

  4. Nice Anon Says:

    Somehow I relate to this as all my friends are now married. It was kinda weird hanging out with everyone again and even though they are all much older than me but the question is now.. when is it going to be your turn?

    That's the journey of life as some get there before others. It is cool.

  5. mizchif Says:

    Pele, i can imagine how deflated u felt when thay all cancelled on you. I guess that's the way of things sometimes.

  6. bumight Says:

    thankfully none of my friends are at that stage yet, BUT i see where you're coming from.
    when most of us had boyfriends it was always a struggle to go see a good movie together cos someone would have gone to se it with their man first!

  7. 48 Says:

    Oh well yay! to singletons and I pray that I never become a smug married. I see you tryin to be understanding, God bless your heart. Like someone already said, I hope you find new friends who understand what it means to be in a committed friendship despite the phase they're in in life.

  8. Gee Says:

    lol @ butterC being the only butter substitute spread!

  9. chayoma Says:

    It's the way of the world!
    S**t happens.
    Nice to see you understand.
    The only butter substitute spread!
    Too cute :)

  10. RocNaija Says:

    I know Hugh Grant was in it but I never seem to rememeber the girl's name... :(

  11. bob-ij Says:

    Hey!! I know what you mean, I'm not in that situation but I have so many friends that have put off trips and visits for relationships. I love when there can be compromises so that girls still have enough time for girlfriends. But in due time, you'll be paired!

  12. ibiluv Says:

    you wanna be happy for them or are happy for them but hate it cos they cant seem to hang out with you no more

    story of mi life.......

    you'll learn to either have fun on your own or find new single friends

  13. ~Sirius~ Says:


    This thing called life.


    What kills is the fact that both singletons and smugged married have epiphanies- very different ones, but they still have 'em.

    Life is just one crazy circle!

  14. ManCee Says:

    Peele dearie...
    Wish I could make it easier somehow, *wink*
    Anyways, what you have is what you have and man, are you going to miss this period when its finally over? yep.
    So enjoy it mama and go boogie down somewhere

  15. Temite Says:

    Hang in there Love.
    How I wish that I lived in London.....Anyways....Its all Good.

  16. nice post. I was the first of my group of friends to get married, but I try to hang out with them as often as possible, even if it is just at my house.

    This post has reminded me to give all my girls a call. We are going to NYC for a weekend, but I'm going to send them all a special "I love ya lots" message.

    Thanks CaramelD


  17. CaramelD Says:

    @ Nice Anon, I haven't reached there shah (even though one friend keeps pushing me towards dating sites! Grissly).

    @Mizchif, indeed (nodding head wisely).

    @ Bumight, I call it life maths!! Serious calculations are needed on a weekly basis!

    @48, ah don't vex on my behalf oh! They are good friends but we just can't kick life we used to that's all :)

    @Gee, you don't understand how serious I am! In my head I was running towards her in slow motion through a green meadow!! LOL!!!

    @ Chayoma, such is life!

    @ Roc, it's Renee Zellweger :)

    @Bob-Ij, shebi at some point I will start me own? LOL!

    @Ibiluv, I'll put an ad for a new raving crew in the London Metro LOL!!

    @ Sirius, Baby girl how many names do you have now have for me? :) Yup you are right I know smug marrieds all over the world had that moment when they realised that they too had to change their life style.

  18. CaramelD Says:

    @ Mancee, haven't seen you around here in a while. No worries, I am enjoying my time right now and as you know I can turn anywhere into a dance floor!

    @ Temite, get on a plane for your holidays and come and rock!

    @Ms Solly, call them oh, share the love around. Have a great time in The Big Apple!

  19. Enkay Says:

    You are so nice! I thought you were going to rant and rave but you're being so understanding and even suggesting some solutions to yourself!

    I hope you find a crew that deserves you!

  20. LoloBloggs Says:

    I've been the Briget Jones of my friends for too long! It's tiring-oh!

  21. ManCee Says:

    Thanks dearie. Great to be back...though my heart was always with you, you know.
    stay smiling.

  22. RocNaija Says:

    Sheesh! Renee...



  23. LusciousRon Says:

    Sadly, that is the way of the world. You will make up another circle of friends as time goes on. That is what I have realised.

    Don't worry girl. You are a nice friend.

  24. incoherent Says:

    i know what you're going thru. but unfortunately, i have NO desire to get married and have discovered i have been MUCH happier when i'm single than when in a relationship. thats MY epiphany. sad innit

  25. CaramelD Says:

    @ Enkay-licious, I can't rant this time, it's the way of the world.

    @Lolo -Bloggs, so how do you cope? What do you do? Please tell me more.

    @ Mancee, of course I noticed! Duh!!! LMAO!!

    @ Roc, hilarious light bulb moment happening there huh?

    @Luscious Ron, God bless oh jare!

    @Incoherent, your epiphany is a whole other blog post on it's own ;) PS No it's not sad, you do what you spirit dictates at your own rhythm, in your own time.