When Caramel was a little girl......
CaramelD


........she dreamt of being a glamourous grown up.

Foolish girl.

Why is it that growing up was high on many children's wishlist? If you had a relatively happy childhood then you had it good! This grown up moves are hard work oh!

So I've been back at work for two weeks. The first week was a minor train wreck. We had two major exhibitions going on and my manager had left a few things to the last minute because she was swamped so I came back and jumped in right at the deep end, helping her tie things together. Result? I felt and looked like I had had a relapse.

So I was frogged marched to occupational health where they told me to leave work everyday by 3pm everyday, ha!! Talk about a double edged sword. On one hand it's good, you get to rest. On the other hand not good, because your desk is groaning under the work that is waiting for you.

My second week, had my Dad arriving from Nigeria which is great. He can keep my Mum company as she recovers from her knee operation. But at work they announced redundancies. 20 people have lost their jobs and they will be doing this all over again next year. Honestly I don't think I will be safe next year at all. So in my building you have an air of gloom tinged with fear and anger. It is a feeling that they are experiencing all over Britain at the moment as our government just announced 490 000 job cuts in the public sector! God have mercy!

Let's just say it has been rough being an adult this week. I'm not as good under pressure as I thought I was. Ha! We got the redundancy email on Friday and had to wait till Monday to find out if we still had our jobs. Chai! My weave got grey strands in it.

Anyway I'm trying to suck it up and think about what my options are and pray so that I'm not making decisions that are not Spirit inspired. Apart from that, the show most go on. I can't tweet and stalk you all online as much as I used to, but I will try. Reading blogs is such a joy, I don't want to stop that jo! PS I am seriously trying to clean out my love life. I think that is worth a post, yes?
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Need to breathe a bit
CaramelD
My Mum has an operation later today on her knee and I can't be at the hospital with her because I will be at work trying like crazy to come up with ideas and prepare paperwork that will enable our managers to fight for the existence of our jobs and the department.

Add to that that I have the worst period ever due to lack of any exercise this past month while I was sick and I'm meant to be asleep to be able to face tomorrow and instead here I am awake and the pills and the hot water bottle is just not cutting it at the moment.

How will I be able to do spreadsheets and come up with great strategies tomorrow when I will be using all my energy to sit up straight and not double over from pain and exhaustion and worry about my Mum?

OK suck it up. Please someone tell my womb to allow me sleep.
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Under house arrest............
CaramelD
.......Also known as things Caramel did to pass the time while under quarantine.


  • Promise God time and time again that I would never take my health for granted again.
  • Stupidly fall asleep.
  • Stand in front of my mirror in my knickers, critically breaking down my body bit by bit and gathering intel on all my best parts to use as weapons of mass destruction later.
  • Get seduced into reading all four Twilight books and hating myself for doing it yet not be able to drop the books because I NEED TO FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENS NEXT!!
  • Decide that Bella is the most annoying lead female character ever.
  • Watch all the tv series I've always wanted to watch but never got around to...Drop Dead Diva (funny and sad at times), The Good Wife (gripping!!!), Cougar Town (too funny and just plain wrong in some places) and finally, Mad Men (just started).
  • Fall asleep some more.
  • Try to convince my relative from Nigeria that me falling ill is not an attack from my Father's enemies.....it's just me falling ill.
  • Decide to screen my calls.
  • Wrongly think my full strength has returned and pay for my folly after trying a house chore like cleaning the bathroom.
  • Gasp in amazement at 6ft 4in sexy Italian electrician as he wanders around my house assessing it for a job and silently cry at my decision to open the door in jogging bottoms and hair net looking like an extra from the Michael Jackson Thriller video.
  • Book 're-entry into the world' appointment at my beauticians!!!
  • Try and see if I can still put my leg around my head.
  • Spend my Amazon birthday voucher of Lord of the Rings soundtrack and special extended DVD collection (hurrah).
  • Memorise 'Into the West' by Annie Lennox and decide I want it played at my funeral.
  • Watch all three LOTR back to back and marvel once again at how much I love those movies.
  • Go online to research volunteering opportunities in visiting terminally ill patients or running chores for them.
  • Hate the look of food but drink numerous cups of tea.
  • Decide I want to go honey brown for my hair.
  • Fall asleep again.
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A few very very very very bad days
CaramelD
Today is a good day. I'm a little out of sorts but I believe it will be a good day. Why? Because I'm thinking of wearing a bra. On my own steam without harassment, I'm thinking of wearing of wearing a bra. Yup, definitely a good day.

My last of good days were Saturday 4 to Wednesday 8 September. On Saturday my friends and I had gone out for karaoke to celebrate my birthday. It was a perfect night out. We had our own room and a waiter to bring your dinner and drinks. We sang the night away murdering perfectly good classics and modern hits. On Sunday my cousin got tickets to watch the taping of a popular came show called Family Fortunes and as a stroke of good luck we got actual A/B-list British celebrities on the show and had a fantastic time. Tuesday rolled on and as we had a tube strike in London I stayed in the City with my cousins and had a lovely birthday which included birthday cake for breakfast in the office.

While I was staying with them I had been so hot every night and sweating when it was bed time. No one else felt it and we all joked that maybe at 29 I was getting early menopause. It wasn't till Wednesday night that I realised that maybe I was coming down with something.

Thur 9
I woke up hot and riddled with aches and pains. Every time I moved I coughed. Well I called in sick at work and called my friend who lived nearby to help me get some pain killers. The fever got worse and I struggled to go to the pharmacy for cough syrup and a thermometer. My GP had no free appointments so I made one for the next day.

Fri 10
Around 5am I woke up terrified. I couldn't breathe properly. Every breathe was a chore and as I freaked out I made it worse. When I stood up the room swam and I nearly fainted on the stairs. What alarmed me was the fact that my Mum was in America and I was home alone. I took my temperature again and it was 39.4, so I called 999. I won't lie by the time the ambulance came I was in full crying mode. When we got to A&E, they took my BP, took blood and took urine. Asked me a million questions about where I had been and then I had to wait for ages. The doctor then saw me and said I have a nasty chest infection and I had to take some antibiotics and rest. So my friend came to pick me and kept me in her house. Without Panadol I wouldn't have made it through the day. Everything hurt! All my joints and my head and I was always shivering in the grip of fever.

Sat 11
At this point my phone was always ringing. I had both parents calling and I had family who by sheer coincidence were not around calling every second to make sure I was alive. I didn't want to worry my Mum so I kept my conversations brief because if I spoke to her for long I would start crying again. My best friend spent a day and a night but in the end she had to go.

Sun 12 & Mon 13
By now the coughing was vicious, it would come and grip me in a wracking cough and you couldn't stop until you felt you were choking and tears were streaming down your face. The icing on the cake was of course my period started. Oh the joy. You think I would be given a free pass but no I had all the pain of cramps to deal with as well as everything else. Misery was my name. My Aunt came to take me but I just wanted to be in my house and limit my coughing, crying and period pain to one location. Did I mention throwing up? Have you ever thrown up chicken soup through your nose? I wouldn't recommend it. On Monday another friend came and did some shopping for me. God bless her.

Tue 14
From America my Mum had got her friend to check my hospital records. My infection marker was 84 (a normal adult should be under 5) and she told me to go back to the GP. I told my GP I wasn't getting better and he was baffled why I never had an x-ray the day I went to A&E. So he sent me back to the hospital.

Wed 15
My Mum flew in that morning and drove me to the hospital for my x-ray. I told her to go as she had work that night and went off for my x-ray. After the x-ray was done, I hadn't even put on all my clothes when the radiographer came running into my cubicle, "You need to get dressed and go to your GP now. You have pneumonia in your right lung and it's spreading." I'll never forget that look on her face. It was like she was thinking how on earth is this girl still walking around? As it was Wednesday my GP was closed to off I went to A&E again. They couldn't admit me as the hospital was full so they released me in the care of my Mum and some seriously lethal looking antibiotics. I'd rather be in my house anyway!

Thursday 16 to now
So here I am under house arrest, I'm not allowed to leave as my immune system is low and I can catch anything off anybody and that will put me back in hospital. Once I started the right medication, I could feel a difference. I'm as weak as a baby (it took 4 hrs to type this post!!!) but I no longer feel subhuman. The biggest problem is still my chest and the coughing and the medication has a few side effects but I don't care! I'm off work for a while and I'm trying to get better so I don't run nuts in the house. I have been in a uniform of hairnet and kaftan all this while but today I thought about my bra for the first time. So today is a good day.
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Think before you make a wish.....
CaramelD
How is everyone doing? I miss you all like I miss white bread and saturated fats. I haven't been writing on my beautiful blog. My apologies! I promise fresh gist will be coming soon but till then a little laughter for the weekend xx

PS My birthday is next week and I came across this site that tells you what song was number one the day you were born. Mine is Tainted Love (hmphhh), why couldn't I have The Bangles or Madonna or something? :) Check it out and tell me what was yours. xxxx http://www.everyhit.com/dates


A married couple in their early 60's were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant. Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table. She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.'

The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband.' The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen MaryII appeared in her hands.

The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again.. I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.'

The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish. So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!..the husband became 92 yearsold.

The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful bastards should remember.....fairies are female.
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I'm here to report my Mother
CaramelD
Time: 6 something am
Place: Caramel's bedroom

Anyone who has a parent that is medical personnel knows what it is like to be woken up and given instructions for the day before said parent goes to work, while they are still half asleep and woe betide you if you forget the barrage of instructions that flow through your duvet/blanket/wrapper to your ears.

This morning my Mum came to pick a fight. First of all it was to say that I had left a couple of dishes in the sink. I replied that I had forgotten them due to being sleepy as I had stayed up past midnight to do her laundry.

Second conversation went like this:

M: Are you going to the gym today
C: No I spent two hours there last night, I go on alternate days.
M: Don't they advice an hour every day?
C: Yes but they say an hour light exercise everyday, I did more than that yesterday!
M: That's not what my magazine says!
C: Mum please leave me, I'm begging!

This is where the anger came! My Mum and her blasted bloody stupid women's magazines. One is Take a Break and the other one is Women's Own. She loves those magazines die. Everything there is gospel. Aaaaaaaaaaarggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

My Mum and I have one serious beef and that is my weight. Nothing more, nothing less. She used to nag that I am not doing anything about it. That who knows if it is my Father's enemies using me against them (I kid you not), that at this rate I will die single as men don't like fat women and that it was bad for my health.

So you would think that losing and keeping off weight for the first time in my adult life would be a cause for celebration right? Is she happy that I have dropped three dress sizes? No! The issue now is that I am not losing it fast enough! She actually bristles when people congratulate me on my weight loss (haba)!!!

Jesus give me strength! We had a massive row a while back when I told her to stop cutting out true life stories from her bloody Take a Break about how 'Steve from Manchester' and 'Tiffany from Essex' lost half their body weight and saved themselves from an early death and leaving it in my bedroom. That every body's weight loss journey is different and I don't want to hear anymore true life crap!

The funny thing is I hate exercising and I was so happy with myself yesterday that I had carried my body in period hell and crawled to the gym and did not only do a circuit class but Hatha yoga as well and I was feeling really good and she has just deflated me. She knows which buttons to push and it really gets me pissed.

All through today, I will forget then remember then be in a bad mood again. She should just wait, shebi we are going to Atlanta to see her own Mother? May God keep her and bless her. For as long as she is on this planet I can report my own Mother to a higher power!! I am happy that my Mum will be in America longer than me, I need breathing space jo!

I know she is doing it out of concern but the way she is going on you would think that I can't move out of my bed, like the people on all those documentaries that a crane has to lift them from their bed! It is better for me and my sanity if she said nothing at all!!! Today all I have felt is paranoid and ugly.

The fact that I love her more than life itself is the only reason I didn't go all Xena Warrior Princess in that house this morning!! Mschhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwww!!!

For the record any stupid Take a Break magazine I see in that house this evening will find itself in the recycling bin sharp sharp! OK I will stop ranting!

PS For anyone who read my former post have you tried naked dancing yet?
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How to look good naked and other random stuff
CaramelD

I have so many things buzzing in my head and I keep deleting what I'm writing.

First of all stop hating parts of your body. Recognise it for what it is, a beautiful vessel for your soul. Walk around naked! It is good for you. Very liberating. Go on try it! Go onnnn. Tell me something you like about your body in the comment box. I will try not to see crooked teeth, jelly belly and a bum that needs its own passport but ermm great boobs, lovely skin and a fabulous waistline.

I'm off to Atlanta for a week next weekend but it wasn't planned so I'll be leaving as the rest of my family will be coming so I have to find some fun on my own. If anyone has some hot spots they think I should check out please let me know.

My cousin is trying to hook me up with her inlaw but I'm not interested and I'm not bothered. I am trying to be polite and he is a cool guy but I feel bad when he calls from Naija because I know those calls are expensive. In fact not to be overly dramatic but the whole man thing just tires me at the moment. I really don't give a rat's arse right now. He has just asked if I had a boyfriend but I dodged. If he asks again I will use it as an oportunity to tell him what's up. I believe in being honest. It's not nice when someone is stringing you along.

OK I'm going to stop writing for now because I am in a bad mood and I'm trying to shake it but it's not working. The Mary J Blige track below is here because I think it's a great track for naked dancing. Enjoy ;)

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Lonliness is bad for your health!!
CaramelD
I read this online and had to share, I'm sure it happens worldwide, not just in Britain......

A life of booze, fags and slothfulness may be enough to earn your doctor's disapproval, but there is one last hope: a repeat prescription of mates and good conversation.
A circle of close friends and strong family ties can boost a person's health more than exercise, losing weight or quitting cigarettes and alcohol, psychologists say.

Sociable people seem to reap extra rewards from their relationships by feeling less stressed, taking better care of themselves and having less risky lifestyles than those who are more isolated, they claim.
A review of studies into the impact of relationships on health found that people had a 50% better survival rate if they belonged to a wider social group, be it friends, neighbours, relatives or a mix of these.

The striking impact of social connections on wellbeing has led researchers to call on GPs and health officials to take loneliness as seriously as other health risks, such as alcoholism and smoking.
"We take relationships for granted as humans," said Julianne Holt-Lunstad, a psychologist at Brigham Young University in Utah. "That constant interaction is not only beneficial psychologically but directly to our physical health."

Holt-Lunstad's team reviewed 148 studies that tracked the social interactions and health of 308,849 people over an average of 7.5 years. From these they worked out how death rates varied depending on how sociable a person was.
Being lonely and isolated was as bad for a person's health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day or being an alcoholic. It was as harmful as not exercising and twice as bad for the health as being obese. The study is reported in the journal Plos Medicine.

Holt-Lunstad said friends and family can improve health in numerous ways, from help in tough times to finding meaning in life. "When someone is connected to a group and feels responsibility to other people, that sense of purpose and meaning translates to taking better care of themselves and taking fewer risks."

Holt-Lunstad said there was no clear figure on how many relationships are enough to boost a person's health, but people fared better when they rarely felt lonely and were close to a group of friends, had good family contact and had someone they could rely on and confide in.
Writing in the journal, the authors point out that doctors, health educators and the media take the dangers of smoking, diet and exercise seriously, and urge them to add social relationships to the list.

A report by the Mental Health Foundation in May blamed technology and the pressures of modern life for widespread feelings of loneliness in all age groups across Britain. The survey of more than 2,200 adults found one in 10 people often felt lonely and one in three would like to move closer to their family.

Andrew McCulloch, of the Mental Health Foundation, said the latest study builds on work that links isolation to poor mental and physical health. "Trends such as increasing numbers of people living alone and the advent of new technologies, are changing the way in which we interact and are leading both the young and old to experience loneliness. It is important that individuals and policy-makers take notice of emerging evidence and of the potential health problems associated with loneliness."

guardian.co.uk © Taken from the Guardian Newspaper
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Three is the magic number!
CaramelD
Three years of ranting and sometimes talking sense. Loved it. Loving it. Love it.
It was headache over a man and adventures in Lagos that made me start but I'm sure glad I did.
I love my blog.

Do you like my photoshopped picture? It was sent by a friend to cheer me up when I was under the weather. I laughed eh! Madness! My Mum was rolling on the floor. The picture though does remind me of my own notorious three year old story that my Mum's family won't EVER let me forget......

So as the story goes, three year old me had gone to a family member's traditional wedding in my Mum's home town with the Parentals. So my Mum thought she was doing a good thing by handing me over to her younger brother to keep an eye on me.
For some yet to be explained reason, my Uncle now thought that it would be 'healthy' for me to have some of his Guinness as it would help my digestive system and boost my immune system as well. That is how they gave my Guinness oh!
Yup I got drunk.
So by the time the wedding was winding down, I climbed unto the Chairman's table, took the microphone and said (in no apparent order and repeatedly);
"You Baskards! Go to your own house and I will go to my own"
"Stop eating my Aunty's food"
"I said go your own way jo"
"You are all Baskards"
My Mum said she wanted the ground to open up and take her there and then! She died five hundred times. She said she ran sharply in her wrapper and koi koi shoes and swiped me off the high table and out of the compound. Then I told her, "Mummy my head is turning" and promptly fell asleep! My Uncle didn't come near my house for a while after that ;)
PS That was my one degenerate incident till I pooed in my pants in kindergarten.
PPS I want to thank all my blog readers and commentators. You are the buttercream icing on my caramel sponge cake!
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A Blogsville Wedding Story (UPDATE)
CaramelD
Just in case you all don't know what I'm talking about, two of our very own got married quite recently and Blogsville has been full of puns like:
Siriusly Freaky
Freakishly Sirius ( my favourite).

Freaksho married ~Sirius~ and it was beautiful.

Now every good story needs to start at the beginning but ermm quite frankly they might kill me. So I will skip a few details (but shah check on me in a week's time to make sure I'm still breathing). So Sirius came into my life when I was 14(ish) and I was later blessed to be able to have her as my landlady while I served in NYSC. That was when she met her future hubby (ohhhh hehehehe).

Now let's get this straight, the girl is one of the most beautiful people you could ever meet both inside and out, so of course there were some young gentlemen hanging around but my money has always been on Freaksho and see I backed the winner :) When the time was right and he proposed and she said yes, there was plenty of screaming and clapping (and that was just me) and so I settled down for some serious wedding planning.

That's when the emails and IM's started.


S: Caramel, I don't want a bridal train or anything like that.
C: Yup that's cool, nice and simple.

S: Caramel, I think we might be getting married in the middle of the week.
C: Huh?

S: Caramel I want a small wedding, 100 people max.
C: Are you crazy? In Lagos? Never!

But here is the topic that actually raised my BP and it wasn't even from the bride....

F: I'm not wearing a tie and I'm not wearing any flowers in my button hole. (Something something about it not being manly, I can't recall because at this point I was feeling faint)
C: Whaaaaaaaaaaaat? What do you mean no tie? You're the groom!!!!


Now, anyone that reads this blog regularly knows that in the past two years I have been in a wedding/bridesmaid explosion and I have suffered for it. You can get a bit fed up with the pomp and circumstance of it all but come on! I had to protest!

Yet these two were serious and this is why they suit! Sirius is so laid back she is nearly horizontal. She doesn't let things agitate her normally and she definitely avoids drama. Freaksho is such a geek, he is weird to the point of cool. These two do not do convention. In fact as I'm typing this I wonder why I was actually surprised.

So they planned and they stuck to their guns which is no easy feat when your parentals are on your case and EVERYONE has an opinion. I flew home to see two people I care about get hitched, as long as it wasn't on a rope bridge over a snake pit I was ready for the ride.

And it was beautiful.

Apart from the beginning where Freaksho looked stressed because we were only 9 minutes late (Dude, most brides average being an hour late), there wasn't a frowning face the whole day. Everyone knew someone, no one was lost in a crowd, and all eyes were on the couple who spent the whole day grinning.

I didn't miss the high table, I didn't miss the hall decorations, band, DJ, MC and over inflated ego boosting that happens at Naija weddings. Instead we had a room full of people overlooking a peaceful view of Lagos, with kick ass food, who were free to walk around and chat and kiss the bride and shake the groom's hand.

They actually pulled it off! In Lagos!

Freaksho did wear the red rose flower buttonhole though, thank God ;)

A note about meeting fellow Bloggers.

They never look like what you think they will.
Incoherent is a sparkling fizzing ball of energy with big brown Bambi eyes and eloquent hands.
Muse looks like what I think Igbo warriors of old would like back in the day. All brawn and such. I thought men who write such great poetry would be tortured souls that exist on air and coffee!
Rita does not look like her picture! I'm sorry Rita it is true. Take the picture down. You are getting younger not older (who did you bribe up there for such good fortune with your face??)
Finally I think I scared Laide (XSN) because I swooped on her like a crazed fan and forgot she hadn't actually met me before. Sorry Laide!


To Freaksho and ~Sirius~, I've said it before and I'll say it again, I know great things are going to come from your union. I feel it and I know it and I can't wait to see it.

Love always x

____________________________________________________

Update y'all!

I have been granted permission to clear up small confusion that came via my inbox ; carameldelightinc@yahoo.co.uk (holla!!).

Freaksho and ~Sirius~ didn't meet on Blogger. Oya lemme gist you small.
While she was waiting for her call up letter for NYSC, Sirius was working at a very sexy magazine and Freaksho was at an advertising firm (oh full of fine dangerous men LMAO). See eh when I leave for work to go to my asset management office and Sirius leaves to go to her magazine, what we are wearing is completely different. I would mostly be conservative and classy. Sirius would be classy and sizzling hot!!!!! She put the 'P' in pencil skirt!

So I don't know what she did to Freaksho when she walked into his office to collect artwork for his company's ad in her magazine but I can hazard a guess! LMAO!!!!!!! For real though the guy had to work hard. Sirius doesn't send.

Case in point. Their first 'date'. I think that Freaksho had asked for a double date movie thing so that there would be no pressure. So far so good right? Well my girl brought me and another friend and we arrived about 50 minutes late. We missed the original movie and got stuck with Rush Hour 8 or something and Freaksho hated the movie choice (he still won't forgive me for picking it). So instead of a cosy foursome, it was five people watching a 'bad' movie, then Sirius makes sure that she wasn't even near him and spent the whole movie texting on her phone! Chai!

Well he hung in there............ isn't life grand?
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