I wish I could express the way I felt when I read all the lovely comments you left for me on my last post. It was like having a cold void in the pit of your stomach and having it slowly fill up with a warm fuzzy glow of happiness. Like a good movie, hot tea, good book and kissing all rolled into one :)

I felt so sad but unlike before I really didn't want to quit. Also I normally would just not talk about it but I want my blog to be an honest reflection of my life and what matters to me. So even though there are bigger things in the world, right at this point losing weight matters to me and I was sad but you made me feel better, so much better. Like little shards of light banishing the dark aura around me.

I normally answer my comments one by one but work has been maaaaaaaaaddddd intense this past week culminating in a friend's wedding yesterday which I was involved in so I am a bit sleepy from lack of sleep and hay fever medicine.

Big thank you to my lovely ladies. Thank you for the advice, the humour and the comforting words of support. I have now seen all the ways 'hugs' can be portrayed on a computer hahaha. I felt like you knew what I was going through or could understand the frustration, so My World, Sirus, Mizchif, Temite, Afrobabe, Phoenix, She, ButterC, Bibi, BSNC, Shubby Doo, Writefreak, Lil Woman, Miss Spicy Tee and Enkay I'm grateful.

I had serious giggles with the male opinions as they sought to offer help in their own special way....
ManCee: I do believe this is your first time on my blog and yet what an entrance! Thank you for your assurance that you would still love no matter my size and in ans to your question I don't have any thing 'caramely' LOL. I'm sweet enough.

Freaksho: You made me feel like I was in the Principal's office and like I was a princess all at the same time.

Roc: You watch Living Channel? Really? hahaha

DannyB: Only you, only you would ask me to check the measurement error of my scale! That is a classic Danny B thing to say. I was laughing solo in my office they thought I was nuts.

Anyway I don't want to go on only about weight (boring!), I just wanted to say thank you for caring.

Signed
Caramel Delight

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Other News

I tied headscarf on my head by myself for the first time ever!!!! This is big!!! This is huge!!!! I have done for people but with me I need assistance but there is no one at home and I was desperate so I just kept trying. When it stayed on my head and looked decent I felt like calling the BBC. I feel like I have passed a module in how to be a Nigerian woman 101. LOL.

Mum has bounced to Nigeria for five weeks, so home alone. Let me see if I can get up to any mischief. Who am I kidding? Probably won't. Might travel out of the city though for a break.

My body is going through this weird phase where I am sexually charged! Seriously no joke! For me to blog about it you know it's serious. I'm not sure where it came from but it's ridiculous. My friends say I'm glowing. I think I'm just giving out hormones or something into the air like a mating call. hahahahaha. If that is the case, I'm only pulling in 'men' 20 years or younger. It's weird. This whole year since January these young children have been after me. I don't understand. I swear the last one was 18!! For real! He asked if 'these were my ends?' and 'which hood I was repping?' I honestly answered 'HUH?'.

Anyway I'm off to grill fish and watch Poirot. I might tamper with my blog again. Don't worry if it looks odd later.
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Update (shebi I posted last night too lazy for a new one)

Freaky Bridesmaid Diet/Week 3 = Lost 2kg
Whoooooooo hoooooo. Okay I know it's a bit confusing but the summary is so far in three weeks I have lost 3 kg in total.

This isn't a post, it's a wail of anguish.

In case you haven't seen this yet. Absolutely true and very funny. It's called 25 THINGS I HATE ABOUT FACEBOOK! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PVA047JAQsk

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• Wanted to post my fav hymn for Holy Week but can't find it in my handbag. Will do it later.
• Just found out a mutual friend is bi. What do you say to that? Nothing. You put on kettle and make tea.
• Woke up in a rush and wore the wrong trousers to work. Currently looking like a hooker in my office but luckily found long cardigan.
• Second day of freaky bridesmaid diet. I miss complex carbs.
• Still coughing and sniffling (not attractive).
• Mum has decided we are having big Easter cookout. I get to finally do my roast ....for 20!!All welcome.
• I miss dating and male attention. Got asked out, wasn't interested. I hope I'm not going back to days of ice maiden. I better not have hang ups from the whole Baked Beans debacle. That would be such a silly girly thing to do!
• I am grappling with social networking sites on behalf of my college as part of viral marketing hmmmm! Twitter is not fun!
• Hope a channel shows Jesus of Nazareth this week. It's not right if you don't watch Jesus of Nazareth over Easter week :)

Blogging is a hobby and a joy. Not just writing but reading my favourite posts and writing comments and reading comments! But for the first time in ages, my job has made sure I can't do the above properly. Sorry for the delay in relaying what happened after my rant. I didn't want to write it in a rush.

Big kiss and hug to all those that asked after me. I really do appreciate it. I guess what sprung me into action of writing is getting emails in my inbox asking if I'm OK. LOL! I was shocked, so I am responding by fire by force :)

** I'm so sleepy, period pains didn't allow me sleep and I fell like Mike Tyson has pummeled my torso so watch out for any typos.
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Just before I had found out about the meeting, I had come home that Wednesday night to our house phone ringing and my Mum indisposed, so with my coat still on I picked the phone:

Caramel: hello, hello hello? [silence and scratching like NITEL] hello?
Dad: [in Igbo and shouting] Will you keep quiet! I'm trying to talk and you are talking! Shut up so that you can hear me!
Caramel: [in Igbo] is that why you must raise your voice? I really couldn't here anything! Why must you shout at me? I didn't do anything on purpose!

He then dropped the phone on me and called my Mum's mobile. It was after that that my Mum remembered to tell me the good news about the family meeting.

Fast forward to Friday morning. After my rant on Wednesday I had calmed down and decided to just bear the bloody meeting and see what it was about. As I got up, my Mum came into the room to tell me that my Dad (who had come back from a trip to Birmingham the night before) had told her he was not happy with me answering back on the phone call and shouting at him (I hadn't raised my voice one bit). He was going to 'seriously talk' to me about it. My Mum advised me to just apologise and let it blow over so my Dad wouldn't fuss.

Hey! That was it! I lost it. I was so angry inside. I just nodded at my Mum and tried to get ready for work but I was so gutted. I am not coming home from work to be shouted at for no reason and then stand trial for pointing out the obvious. There and then I vowed I wasn't coming for the meeting that night (I have never done that before!).

I arranged with my friend (PL) to go to her seamstress that evening but she wasn't feeling well, so I bit the bullet and asked if I could hide out in her flat till late in the evening. (I have been avoiding her flat as she lives with her brother, ex-hottie, former object of my desire but I was desperate). So that is where I stayed, till late and got home around 11pm.

I thought they were sleeping but about 20 minutes later, I could hear raised voices and lo and behold I realised they were arguing! so loudly and on and on and on. Imagine! I was amazed. What type of middle of the night argument is this one? With their lights off and everything! They went on till after midnight, I don't even know when they finished because I crashed.

So oh, Saturday morning I hear the door slam around 8am and thought someone was putting the rubbish out but it was my Dad leaving the house. He didn't tell anyone where he was going and he switched of his phone. He was meant to go and see my Aunt but never turned up there and by that time my Mum was worried. I wasn't! I knew he was doing it to sulk. He had done it before. He turned up later at 4pm.

My Mum asked me in the morning, didn't I remember about the meeting? I said, nope I didn't. Next question, are there any other diets I can try? (See they were talking about me). I said I will give one another go because my friend was going to do it with me. At this point I was depressed. I went to see a tailor and was meant to go to Luton to see my friend and her family but I took forever at the tailor and wanted to cancel going to Luton but my friend insisted. The long and short of it is after many adventures getting there and coming back (including getting lost, missing trains and getting fined: stupid national rail) I came home at 11.30.

I didn't do that one on purpose but I think my parents thought I did because of the atmosphere in the house. My Dad just said "they are looking for a missing 35 yr old woman please don't stay out late on your own. That was all I got. Sunday the house was too busy because my Dad was flying home on Monday. I helped him pack and ironed shirts and that was that.

It's a shame they fought but the best thing I ever did for myself was not coming home that Friday evening because the full force of my Dad would have been aimed at me because of the phone call and the audacity of me not being a size 12. I know my parents love me and I will never take that for granted but I still mean it when I say it's time for me to move on.

My Dad is calling 'family meeting' in Friday. My response to my Mum telling me this is 'what did I do now?'

Of the past three years the equation is: FAMILY MEETING = FAT & UNMARRIED CARAMEL

This is the burden of my individual family situation. My Dad likes to flex paternal muscles everytime he is around and I'm so over it. I'm stressed at work and like my home to be a refuge. Family meeting my bum!

I'm too old for this crap! I would have moved from my house if not that I am sending all my spare money home to help finish my parents home. Once that house is finished, I'm asking for a raise and moving out.

I'm done, it's enough.

• Primarily as a body wrap and modesty protector. It could be a skirt (lower part of your body), halter dress (tie it around your neck) or dressing gown (across your chest but be careful as it might make your boobs saggy).


• It is a baby sling par excellence! How many mothers/baby carers will testify to this? For all of you that didn't know, your baby is soothed by your heartbeat from the back of your torso, while leaving your hands free to do the other million things women have to do.


• It's a mini blanket when the weather is too hot for normal bed linens.


• It can be a towel (true talk, I went to boarding school and saw with my two eyes).


• Also when rolled up it can be used as a protector when carrying stuff on your head!

OK check it, how many points? 5!! Serious practical uses, now let us analyse Afro's claim of it's sexiness. Now please men feel free to contradict me but I personally know guys that have a weird freaky wrapper thing including an ex of mine. Every time he saw me in one he just had to pull it! He couldn't help himself. Other friends have mentioned the same freaky wrapper thing to me also. Maybe for guys it's the knowledge that one pull will reveal something! LOL! Like an adult version of Tales by Moonlight hehehehehe. Finally I have never seen a traditional bride more beautiful than with this current fashion of wearing wrapper only over her chest (old school style) and beads.

Last but not least, Nollywood would be lost without a wrapper or two thrown into every other scene. Fabulous! I rest my case!

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In other news, another bridesmaid came to my rescue when she said that not only did she have that dress already for another wedding earlier in the year but that it was bought in America for less than 1/2 the price of the London cost! Praise be to God in heaven!! So now one of the bride's cousins is doing research! Please join me in thanking God oh!

I have been a witness to real e-love while my friend has been in London. Her and her Oga are missing each other seriously oh! There is no technological gadget that has not been used to keep in touch. Phone calls, IM, texts, mobile IM's, picture messaging, Google Earth! I tell you all that is left is Twitter LOL! It's romance in the 21st century. It's the sweetest and the nerdiest thing ever!

I channeled my inner Bree from Desperate Housewives and cleaned my house from top to bottom. Especially my room. There are too many nooks and corners for things to disappear. I even found my birth certificate and I didn't know it was even missing! Chai! All that cleaning must have burnt calories (Lord knows it wasn't anything else) as I am feeling quite Caramelicious ;)

See as God is my witness, I have so many things to say but my brain won't get into first gear.

I love being part of this Nigerian community but the awards have me scared! I went to vote so that I can be supportive of the hard work the girls have put in and I felt a bit faint LOL! I would love to win something (really who wouldn't??) but after seeing that roll call of FABULOUS bloggers, I quietly voted and went to go and eat my garri and oha soup....

Category A is deep! No chance for Caramel's bum to see space. If you see anything that reminds you of me in Category B, then God bless you! Yes this is me campaigning (my Mum said nothing ventured, nothing gained).

In other news....

My Dad is here for his post op check up, the TV and I had a teary farewell. We won't see each other for a long time, while my Dad is here.

I'm in charge of a kick ass project at work and I am so stressed that there is grey hair in my weave. I just have to survive today till end of Sunday and I can breathe a bit better.

I keep getting an email from Diamond Bank to verify a cheque by giving them my account number!!! O gini??? In my whole time at home for NYSC I never used one tiny toe to enter Diamond Bank! I find it very offensive when fellow Nigerians try to 419 me! I'm not white!!

I recently had a whole week of not thinking about Baked Beans! Fabulous! I think I'm getting better! Do the shuffle!

For anyone who watches MTV Base, I met Trevor Nelson today! Woo hoo! I was very professional while giggling on the inside! He is an alumni of my college and came to shoot a promo video for our new campus.

I was a bit worried that I had lost my inner goddess so I glamed up a bit and tried to remember how to smile at a man (so out of practice because I currently avoid them like the plague) flashed a look at a gentleman and he nearly walked into a bathroom door hehehehe!

UPDATE

Last night I woke up randomly at 5am and then went back to bed again and had the most intense dream. I dreamt that my family went out and I stayed at home, so when they came back they handed over a child to me to bathe and I thought 'hang on, my brother is way bigger than this!' Then I realised he was my child! When I put him to bed I lay on my side looking at him and grumbled (good naturedly) that I can't see anything of myself in him, only that he is fair and thank God that his father's family are good looking if not there would have been trouble. In the dream, while on the bed all I could see was a close up of his face, but he was so beautiful down to his eyelashes. Also in the dream I knew I loved him! Could feel it so strongly. I don't know where that dream came from, kids are the LAST thing on my mind at this moment and I'm more used to babysitting girls than boys but WOW! That was my baby, I just KNOW IT. I was spooked when I woke up, let me tell you. I had to write this down so I don't forget.

PS At work today trying to set up for an exhibition over the weekend, I was so stressed I kept muttering, I want a biscuit, I want a biscuit! Wetin do me? That's why Lent is so important. It shows us how much care we put in things of the world instead of leaning on spiritual help. Whether food, alcohol, or bad habits. It's time to focus on what counts, no biscuits!

You don't have to vote for me (ahem, ahem) but make sure you do vote at the awards, it will be fun!